King Neptune: [to Spongebob] And as for you, be back with my crown in exactly 10 days.
Patrick Star: [Appears out of nowhere] He can do it in nine.
King Neptune: Eight.
Patrick Star: Seven.
King Neptune: Six
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: [He and Spongebob attack Patrick]
King Neptune: Six it is then.
Patrick Star: [while being choked by Mr. Krabs] Five?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Patrick, shush!
Plankton: His chops are too righteous. The helmets can't handle this level of rock 'n' roll. Karen, do something.
Karen the Computer: [Karen is being surfboard across the the Krusty Krab] Weeeee!
Mrs. Puff: We paid nine dollars for this?
Sandy Cheeks: I paid ten!
Mindy: With my mermaid magic, I'll turn you into men.
Seahorses: [in seahorse language] Mermaid Magic?
Captain Bart the Pirate: I never thought I'd see it with me own eye.
[Reaches into treasure chest]
Captain Bart the Pirate: Tickets to the SpongeBob Movie!
Dennis: I got you right where I want you.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Can I help you with something, sir?
Dennis: Name's Dennis. I've been hired to exterminate you.
SpongeBob SquarePants: You're gonna exterminate us?
[SpongeBob and Patrick look at each other, then burst out in laughter before wiping their tears]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Listen, Junior. You caught me and my friend here in a good mood today, so I'm gonna let you off with a warning. Step aside, and you won't have to feel the awesome wrath of our mustaches.
Dennis: You mean these?
[grabs the seaweed mustaches off SpongeBob and Patrick's faces]
Dennis: I thought you still had a piece of salad stuck to your lip from lunchtime.
[Throws mustaches as SpongeBob and Patrick's eyes bulge at the sight of them]
SpongeBob SquarePants: They were fake?
Dennis: Of course they were fake! This is what a real mustache looks like.
[Pulls face mask off, grunts to sprout mustach from his upper lip]
Patrick Star: Is he a mermaid?
Dennis: All right. Enough gab.
[approaches SpongeBob and Patrick, who are trembling in fear]
SpongeBob SquarePants: What are you gonna do to us?
Dennis: Plankton was very specific.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Plankton?
Dennis: For some reason, he wanted me to step on you.
Patrick Star: Step on us?
Dennis: Yeah! That way, you'll never find out that he stole the crown!
[SpongeBob and Patrick look at each other]
Dennis: Uhh, perhaps I've said too much.
[extends spikes from the soles of his boots. SpongeBob and Patrick tremble in fear as Dennis positions his boot above them]
Patrick Star: That's a big boot.
Dennis: Don't worry. This'll only hurt a lot!
Dennis: I love this job!
[Continues to laugh, only to be crushed by a bigger boot]
Patrick Star: Bigger boot!
[tries to run away]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Wait, Pat! This bigger boot saved our lives.
Patrick Star: Yay!
Captain Bart the Pirate: You know, David Hasselhoff was a great artist.
Usher: Excuse me, sir. You folks have to leave.
Captain Bart the Pirate: What?
[Pulls out sword]
Captain Bart the Pirate: Say that again, if you dare!
Usher: [More assertive] You folks have to leave.
Captain Bart the Pirate: [pauses, then sobs] Okay.
[the pirates leave the theatre as the Usher continues to sweep the floor]
Squidward Tentacles: Chum Bucket? Free? Kabby Patty? Plankton? Giving? With?
SpongeBob SquarePants: And after the promotion ceremony, we're gonna party till we're purple.
Patrick Star: Yay! I love being purple!
SpongeBob SquarePants: We're going to the place where all the action is.
Patrick Star: You don't mean...?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh, I mean.
Plankton: Lord knows I've tried. I've exhausted every evil plan in my filing cabinet... from A to Y!
Karen the Computer: A to Y?
Plankton: Yeah, A to Y. You know, the alphabet.
Karen the Computer: What about Z?
Karen the Computer: Z... The letter after Y...
Plankton: [searching thorugh the file cabinet] W, X, Y... Z. Plan Z! Here it is, just like you said.
Karen the Computer: Oh, boy.
Plankton: It's evil. It's diabolical. It's lemon-scented. This Plan Z can't possibly fail!
Plankton: I will rule the world! All hail Plankton. All hail Plank - !
[Spongebob accidentally steps on him]
SpongeBob SquarePants: [didn't get the promotion] I'm ready. Depression.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Don't worry, Mr. Krabs. Patrick, Squidward and I...
Squidward Tentacles: [Leaving] Pass.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Uh, Patrick and I...
Patrick Star: Hi.
SpongeBob SquarePants: ...will bring back the crown and save you from Neptune's wrath. You have nothing to worry about. Your life is in our hands.
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: [worried] Ohh!
Karen the Computer: Don't get so worked up again, Plankton. I just mopped the floors.
SpongeBob SquarePants: [at podium] People of Bikini Bottom, as manager of...
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Uh, SpongeBob...
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hold the phone, everybody. I'm getting an urgent news flash from Mr. Krabs. Go ahead, Mr. K.
[Mr. Krabs whispers]
SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm making a complete what of myself?
[Mr. Krabs whispers again]
SpongeBob SquarePants: The most embarassing thing you've ever seen?
[Mr. Krabs whispers again]
SpongeBob SquarePants: And now it's worse because I'm repeating everything you say into the microphone?
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Oh, for crying out loud, SpongeBob! You didn't get the job!
King Neptune: This crown does more than cover a slightly receding hairline. It entitles the wearer to rule the sea. One day, you will wear this crown.
Mindy: [panics] I'm going to be bald?
King Neptune: Thinning! Anyway, the point is, you won't wear it until you learn to rule with an iron fist, like your father.
[puts on the cushion where the crown used to be]
Mindy: Uh, dad? Your "crown"?
King Neptune: What the...? My crown! Aah! Someone has stolen the royal crown!
King Neptune: There is nothing else I can do.
Mindy: You can give SpongeBob and Patrick a little more time.
King Neptune: Except give SpongeBob and Patrick a little more ti-ti-ti-ti... What? Mindy, will you butt out? I will not have you stalling this execution!
Mindy: Stalling? I'm not stalling anything.
King Neptune: Yes, yes you are. You're doing it right now.
Mindy: I'm stalling?
King Neptune: Yes!
King Neptune: Stalling!
Mindy: I'm stalling.
King Neptune: Yes!
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: [final scene] Mr. Squidward, front and center! I think we both know who rightfully deserves to wear that manager pin.
Squidward Tentacles: I couldn't agree more, sir.
Fish: Hooray for SpongeBob!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Wait a second, everybody. There's something I need to say first. I just don't know how to put it.
Squidward Tentacles: I think I know what it is. After going on your life-changing journey, you now realise that you don't want what you thought you wanted. What you really wanted was inside you all along.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Are you crazy? I was just going to say that your fly was down. Manager! This is the greatest day of my LIFE!
Plankton: Plan Z is working perfectly. Nothing can stop me now.
Karen the Computer: Nothing except SpongeBob and his pink friend. My sensors indicate that they're on their way to find the crown. If they make it back, Neptune might discover some fingerprints. Tiny fingerprints. Stubby, tiny fingerprints.
Plankton: Plan Z is way ahead of you, baby. I've already hired someone to take care of those two. He's a vicious, cold-blooded predator!
SpongeBob SquarePants: You still have that bag of winds, buddy?
Patrick Star: [Shows a bulge on his backside] Sure do.
Patrick Star: [Pulls out bag of wind, but not from the bulge] Here you go.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Uh...
Patrick Star: What?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Nothing, nothing. Now, let's go over those instructions. Let's see, it says here; Step one: hold bag away from home.
Patrick Star: [Holds bag away] Okay.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Step two: plant feet firmly on ground.
Patrick Star: [Plant feet firmly on ground] Right.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Step three: pull out string, releasing the winds.
Patrick Star: Check.
[pulls string; bag slips from hands and flies away]
SpongeBob SquarePants: [to himself] It seems simple enough. Hold bag away from home, plant feet firmly on ground, pull out string releasing wind.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Okay, let's do it for real.
Patrick Star: Uh, SpongeBob?
Patrick Star: Well, saying you're a kid, it's like saying I'M a kid!
Waiter: Here's your Goober Meal, sir.
Patrick Star: Uh, I'm supposed to get a toy with this?
[toy smacks Patrick in the face]
Patrick Star: Thanks.
King Neptune: [bumps into the Krusty Krab sign] Have this pole executed at once.
SpongeBob SquarePants: I am 100-percent MAN! And this MAN has got something to say to you!
[blows Mr. Krabs a long raspberry]
SpongeBob SquarePants: There! I think I made my point.
SpongeBob SquarePants: [to Patrick, about driving the Patty Wagon] You don't need a license to drive a sandwich.
SpongeBob SquarePants: For your information, we are not kids, we are men.
Patrick Star: Can I have everybody's attention?... I have to use the bathroom.
Men in bar: All bubble-blowing babies will be beaten senseless by every able-bodied patron in the bar
Squidward Tentacles: Too bad SpongeBob's not here to enjoy SpongeBob not being here.
Patrick Star: It's some kind of wall of psychic energy.
SpongeBob SquarePants: No, Pat, it's a giant glass bowl.
Squidward Tentacles: So you're selling Krabby Patties, eh Plankton?
Plankton: That's right, Squidward, and there's a free bucket helmet with every purchase. Care for one?
Squidward Tentacles: No. You may have hoodwinked everyone else in this backwater town, but you can't fool me. I listen to public radio.
Plankton: And what's that supposed to mean?
Squidward Tentacles: It means you set up Mr. Krabs. You stole the crown so Neptune would freeze him and you could finally get your stubby paws on the Krabby Patty formula. It was you all along. But you made one fatal mistake. You messed with my paycheck and I'm gonna report you to the highest authority in the land, King Neptune!
Plankton: We'll see about that, Inspector Looselips.
[Plankton laughs and he presses a button on Karen]
Karen the Computer: Now activating helmet brain-control devices.
Squidward Tentacles: Huh?
[Mr. Krabs is marking up the prices for King Neptune]
Squidward Tentacles: One-hundred and one dollars for a Krabby Patty?
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: With cheese, Mr. Squidward. With cheese.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Doesn't it seem a little harsh to kill someone over a crown?
King Neptune: You don't understand. The crown is a symbol of my king-like authority. And, uh, between you and me... my hair is thinning a bit.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh, Your Majesty, I'm sure it's not that noticea...
[Sees Neptune's bald head]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Bald! Bald! Bald!
Crowd: Bald! Bald! Bald!
Fish: My eyes!
King Neptune: All right, all right!
Attendant #1: You two dipsticks wouldn't last ten seconds over the county line!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh, yeah? We'll just see about that.
[they drive over the line; a thief stops them]
Thief: Out of the car, fellas.
[thief drives off with Patty Wagon]
SpongeBob SquarePants: How many seconds was that?
Attendant #2: Twelve.
[start laughing hysterically at attendants before walking away over county line]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Feast your eyes, Patrick.
Patrick Star: What is it?
SpongeBob SquarePants: The Patty Wagon. Mr. Krabs uses it for promotional reasons. Let me show you some of its features: Sesame seed finish; steel-belted pickles; grilled leather interior; and under the hood, a fuel-injected French fryer with dual overhead grease traps.
Patrick Star: Wow.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Yeah. Wow.
King Neptune: You have confessed to the crime of touching the royal crown.
Prisoner: Y-yes, but...
King Neptune: BUT WHAT?
Prisoner: B-but it's my job, your Highness. I'm the royal crown polisher!
King Neptune: Well, I suppose I can't execute you. Twenty years in the dungeon it is!
SpongeBob SquarePants: We should be there in one more verse.
Dennis: [interrupting the singing] Finally!
Old Lady: Come on kiddies, have some icecream. I'll even let you pet Mr. Whiskers.
Patrick Star: Nevermind the car, where's the road, road, road ,road, road, road, road, road, roa... sorry.
SpongeBob SquarePants: [the diver's boot floats onto Hasselhoff's leg. From the bottom, Dennis emerges] Ah! Dennis!
Dennis: Did you miss me?
Dennis: [about to step on Spongebob and Patrick] That's IT! I'm through with messing around! See ya later fools!
Patrick Star: [Dennis suddenly collides with a floating sailboat and falls into the ocean] See ya.
SpongeBob SquarePants: [to squidward] Are you crazy? I was just gonna say that your fly is down. Manager! This is the greatest day of my life!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Take it easy, friend, I'm the manager of this establishment. Everything's gonna be juust fine.
Phil: I'm really scared here, man.
SpongeBob SquarePants: You got a name?
SpongeBob SquarePants: You got a family Phil?
Phil: [can't speak, too scared]
SpongeBob SquarePants: [snapping his fingers] Come on Phil, stay with me, lets hear about that family!
Phil: I got a wife, and two beautiful children
SpongeBob SquarePants: Thats what it's all about. I want you to do me a favour Phil.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Say cheese.
[Slowly places the cheese in the Krabby Patty while a sound like a heartrate monitor starts speeding up in the backround]
SpongeBob SquarePants: [after coming out of the Krusty Krab restaurant with the now smiling Phil holding a Krabby Patty with cheese] Order Up!
Sheldon J. Plankton: [as the brain controlled fish capture Squidward, Plankton shouts] Hahahaha! Who can stop me now? Hahaha! Who?
Squidward Tentacles: Too bad SpongeBob isn't here to enjoy SpongeBob not being here.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh, no, how will we ever get back to Bikini Bottom now?
David Hasselhoff: I can take you there.
[Hasselhoff comes running up in slow motion]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Who are you?
David Hasselhoff: I'm David Hasselhoff.
SpongeBob SquarePants: So, uh, where's your boat?
David Hasselhoff: Boat?
Mindy: [after getting SpongeBob's and Patrick's moustaches] So, now that you're men, can you make it to Shell City?
Mindy: I said, "Now that you're men, can you make it to Shell City?
Mindy: Are men afraid of anything?
Mindy: And why?
[both jump off cliff]
Mindy: [calling after them] I never said that!
SpongeBob SquarePants: [riding a swimming David Hasslehoff] Go Hasslehoff!
Patrick Star: Next stop Bikini Bottom!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Are you on your way to the grand opening ceremony?
Plankton: No, I'm not on my way to the grand opening ceremony. I'm busy planning to rule the world!
SpongeBob SquarePants: [cheerfully] Well, good luck with that!
SpongeBob SquarePants: [after Mindy turns Patrick and Spongebob into men] Huh. I don't feel anything differ... oh my gosh, Patrick, you have a mustache!
Patrick Star: So do you!
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: [King Neptune sets Mr. Krabs on fire] My pants are on fire!... My underwear is on fire!... I'M ON FIRE!
Patrick Star: [after flying in naked and crashing] Did you see my butt?
Sheldon J. Plankton: [cracking a whip] No resting! This monument celebrating my glory isn't going to build itself! Move faster!
Patrick Star: SpongeBob?
[sees him walking away from the trench, defeated]
Patrick Star: Hey, where are you going?
SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm going home, Patrick.
Patrick Star: But what about Mr Krabs?
SpongeBob SquarePants: What about US? WE'LL never survive in that trench! You said it yourself, this is man's country. And let's face it, Pat. We're just... kids.
Patrick Star: We're NOT kids!
SpongeBob SquarePants: OPEN YOUR EYES, PATRICK! We blow bubbles, we eat ice cream - we worship a dancing PEANUT, for corn's sake! We don't belong out here!
Patrick Star: [defensively] We do NOT worship him!
SpongeBob SquarePants: [pulls Patrick's pants down] Patrick, you've been wearing the same Goofy Goober Peanut Party underpants for three years straight! What do you call that?
Patrick Star: [starts to cry] Worship...? Oh, you're right, SpongeBob! We ARE kids!
[runs away crying, then trips over pulled-down pants]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Pull your pants up, Patrick. We're going home.
Patrick Star: [Flies in naked with a parachute] Lets hear it for SPONGEBOB!
[Everyone runs away]
Patrick Star: Hello? Where'd everybody go? Did I miss something? Did you see my butt?
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: But before we begin the ribbon-cutting, I'd like to announce the name of our new manager!
SpongeBob SquarePants: [clapping rapidly] Yeah! Yeah! OWW! OW-HOWW! Yeah, now we're talking! Yeah! OWWW! Shhh!
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Oh, for crying out loud, SpongeBob! You didn't get the job!
SpongeBob SquarePants: [shocked] What?
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: You... did not... get... the job!
SpongeBob SquarePants: [sadly] But... but why?
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Ah, SpongeBob. You're a great frycook, but I gave the job to Squidward because being manager is a big responsibility. Well, let's face it. He's more... mature than you.
SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm not... mature?
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Ah, lad. I mean this in the nicest of ways. But there's a word for what you are, and that word is... now, let's see...
Fish 1: Dork?
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: No, wait, that's not right, not a dork, uh...
Fish 2: A goofball?
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Closer, but no, no, no.
Fish 3: A ding-a-ling!
Fish 4: Wingnut!
Old Lady: A Knucklehead McSpazatron!
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: [angrily] Okay, that's enough!
[back to SpongeBob]
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Look, what I'm trying to say is, you're just a kid. And to be a manager, you have to be a man! Otherwise they'd call it "kidager!" You understandager- I mean, you understand?
SpongeBob SquarePants: [quietly, now miserable] I guess so, Mr Krabs.
[starts to walk away]
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: SpongeBob?
SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm ready... depression... I'm ready... depression...
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Poor kid.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Pull your pants up, Patrick. We're going home.
Mindy: [just arrived in carriage] But you can't go home!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Mindy!
Patrick Star: Mindy?
[frantically pulls up pants before falling over again]
Patrick Star: Huh?
SpongeBob SquarePants: How much did you hear?
Mindy: I heard enough.
Patrick Star: Did you see my underwear?
Mindy: No, Patrick.
Patrick Star: [grabs pants] Did you want to?
Sheldon J. Plankton: Karen, baby, I haven't felt this giddy since the day you agreed to be my wife!
Karen the Computer: I never agreed.
SpongeBob SquarePants: [to Dennis on Hasselhoff's leg] I don't know what Plankton's paying you... But maybe these can make it worth your while.
Dennis: You think I can be bought with five... what are these?
SpongeBob SquarePants: That, sir, is five Goober dollars, legal tender at any participating Goofy Goober.
SpongeBob SquarePants: [having jumped from leg to leg on David Hasselhoff's body] Yeah! I did it!
Dennis: [Dennis jumps and makes it] You've got guts, kid. Too bad I gotta rip em out of you!
[makes a gesture like pulling guts out of one's body]
Perch Perkins: First of all, congratulations Mr Krabs.
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Hello, I like money.
Perch Perkins: What inspired you to build the a second Krusty Krab right next to the original?
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Money!
Squidward Tentacles: [Finds SpongeBob in his shower with him] SpongeBob! What are you DOING in here?
SpongeBob SquarePants: I have to tell you something, Squidward.
Squidward Tentacles: Whatever it is, can't it wait until we get to work?
SpongeBob SquarePants: There's no shower at work.
Squidward Tentacles: What do you WANT?
SpongeBob SquarePants: I just wanted to let you know I'll be thanking you in my managerial acceptance speech today.
Squidward Tentacles: [shouts] GET OUT!
[kicks SpongeBob out of the window]
SpongeBob SquarePants: [cheerfully, on the ground] Okay! I'll see you at the ceremony!
SpongeBob SquarePants: [pulling up to the gas station with Patrick in the patty wagon - a hamburger on wheels] Fill her up, please.
Attendant #1: [looking at the patty wagon slightly bemused] What'll it be, fellas? Mustard or ketchup?
Mindy: Good luck, Spongebob!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Wait, how did you know my name?
Mindy: Oh, I'm going to be queen of the sea someday! I've been learning the names of all the sea creatures.
Patrick Star: What's my name?
Mindy: That's easy! You're Patrick Star!
Patrick Star: [blushes and laughs, lovestruck]
[the gas attendants are laughing at SpongeBob, Patrick and the Patty Wagon]
Patrick Star: Are they laughing at us?
SpongeBob SquarePants: No Patrick, they're laughing next to us.
David Hasselhoff: [after Dennis stabs him in the butt] Take it easy back there fellas
SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm ready! Promotion! I'm ready! Promotion!...
King Neptune: Mindy, what is this?
Mindy: Your crown?
King Neptune: And do you know what it does?
Mindy: Cover up your bald spot?
King Neptune: It's not bald! It's... thinning.
Crowd: [Regarding King Neptune] BALD! BALD BALD! BALD! BALD!
Fish: MY EYES!
David Hasselhoff: Ya done good Hasselhoff, ya done...
[giant flame comes from the Bikini Bottom and burns David Hasselhoff]
David Hasselhoff: [quietly] Ow.
Plankton: [after placing a fake call to Mr. Krabs and hearing King Neptune scream over the phone] Plan Z. I love Plan Z!
Plankton: [Spongebob is running after stepping on Plankton] OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Eww, I think I stepped in something.
Plankton: Not in something, ON SOMEONE, you twit!
Waiter: [slowly swims into SpongeBob's vision as he wakes up] Hey. Hey, get up! Hey, c'mon, buddy, I wanna go home. C'mon, pal!
SpongeBob SquarePants: [sits up, thoroughly hungover] Ugh. Bleugh... ohhh, my head...
SpongeBob SquarePants: ... friend?
[notices Patrick lying under a collapsed table]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Patrick! HEYWHASSUPBUDDY-?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Wait. You said eight-o'clock. I'm late for work! Mr Krabs is gonna be...
[remembers what happened the day before, face switches from horror to anger]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Mr Krabs...
SpongeBob SquarePants: Run, Patrick!
Patrick Star: No. I'm tired of running. If we run now, we'll never st...
[Dennis swats him aside]
Patrick Star: Aaaah! Run, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Sorry to rain on your parade, Plankton.
Plankton: Oh, don't worry about me. My parade will be quite dry, under my... umbrella!
[pulls on a chain]
[a Chum Bucket bucket helmet drops on Neptune]
Mindy: Daddy, no!
Plankton: Daddy, yes!
[pushes button on remote]
King Neptune: [Bucket activates] All hail Plankton.
Patrick Star: SpongeBob, what happened?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Plankton cheated.
Sheldon J. Plankton: Cheated?
[Now to Neptune]
Sheldon J. Plankton: Hold on there, baldy.
[Now to SpongeBob]
Sheldon J. Plankton: Oh, grow up. What, you think this is a game of kickball on the playground? You never had a chance to defeat me, fool! And you know why?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Because you cheated?
Sheldon J. Plankton: No, not because I cheated! Because I'm an evil genius. And you're just a kid.
Sheldon J. Plankton: A stupid kid!
SpongeBob SquarePants: I guess you're right, Plankton.
SpongeBob SquarePants: I am just a kid.
Sheldon J. Plankton: Of course I'm right. Okay, Neptune, time to kill.
SpongeBob SquarePants: And you know, I've been through a lot in the past six days, five minutes, twenty-seven-and-a-half seconds. And if I've learned anything during that time, it's that you are who you are.
Sheldon J. Plankton: That's right. Okay, Neptune...
SpongeBob SquarePants: And no amount of mermaid magic...
[Turns to Mindy]
SpongeBob SquarePants: ... or managerial promotion...
[Turns to the frozen Mr. Krabs]
SpongeBob SquarePants: ... or some other third thing... can make me anything more than what I really am inside: A kid.
Sheldon J. Plankton: That's great. Now, get back against the wall.
SpongeBob SquarePants: [over microphone] But that's okay!
Sheldon J. Plankton: What? What's going on?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Because I did what everyone said a kid COULDN'T do! I made it to Shell City, and I beat the Cyclops, and I rode the Hasselhoff, and I brought the crown BACK!
Sheldon J. Plankton: All right, we get the point.
SpongeBob SquarePants: So, yeah, I'm a kid!
[the lights go down, dry ice smoke surrounds SpongeBob, and a spotlight falls on him]
SpongeBob SquarePants: And I'm also a goofball! And a wing nut! And a Knucklehead McSpazatron!
Sheldon J. Plankton: [coughs from the smoke] What's going on here?
SpongeBob SquarePants: But most of all, I'm...
Sheldon J. Plankton: Okay, settle down. Take it easy!
SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm... I'M...
Sheldon J. Plankton: WHAT THE SCALLOP?
SpongeBob SquarePants: [bursts into song] I'M A GOOFY GOOBER! ROCK!
Plankton: [as he's being arrested] Come on, can't you take a joke? Wasn't that funny? With the monuments and the buildings? Wasn't that hilarious? I will destroy all of you!
SpongeBob SquarePants: [crying in bar, then sits up] Alright, get it together, old boy. I know, I'll just stop thinking about it.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey, you know, I actually feel a little better. I don't even remember why I was sad!
Patrick Star: Hey, it's the new Krusty Krab 2 manager!
[SpongeBob starts crying again]
Patrick Star: Wow, the pressure's already setting in.
Patrick Star: Hey, look. Free ice-cream.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh, boy!
[SpongeBob runs to the "ice-cream booth" surrounded by piles of bones and skulls]
Patrick Star: [to a skull] How you doing?
[Looks around and sees the piles of bones and skulls]
Patrick Star: Wait a minute. Wait a minute! SPONGEBOB!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Yeah?
Patrick Star: Make mine a chocolate!
SpongeBob SquarePants: [drunk from too much ice cream] All right folks, this one goes out to my two bestest friends in the whole world: Patrick, and this big peanut guy! It's a little ditty called..."WAITER!"