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Quotes

Scooter (as Porthos): The Villain has dropped something--perhaps it is a clue!

Link Hogthrob (as Gummo): It is a crumpet.

Scooter (as Porthos): A pumpernickel crumpet!

The Great Gonzo (as Athos): [fighting the bandit] A pumpernickel crumpet?

Link Hogthrob (as Gummo): A crumpernickel pumpet?

Scooter (as Porthos): And furthermore, it has lumps all over it.

The Great Gonzo (as Athos): A lumpy pumpernickel crumpet?

Link Hogthrob (as Gummo): A crumpy lumpernickel pumpet?

Scooter (as Porthos): And in all of France, there is but one bakery which makes such a delicacy!

The Great Gonzo (as Athos): And that bakery is?

Scooter (as Porthos): Humperdinck's!

The Great Gonzo (as Athos): A Humperdinck's lumpy pumpernickel crumpet?

Link Hogthrob (as Gummo): A crumperdinck's lumpy humple-crumple...pumplehumple...can we just get on with the story?

Scooter (as Porthos): And who is the man who loves Humperdinck's lumpy pumpernickel crumpets beyond all things?

Link Hogthrob (as Gummo)The Great Gonzo (as Athos): We don't know, who?

Scooter (as Porthos): That simplewimp the Scarlet Pimpernel!

The Great Gonzo (as Athos)Scooter (as Porthos): Egads! It's that simplewimp Pimpernel and his Humperdinck's lumpy pumpernickel crumpets!

[to audience]

The Great Gonzo (as Athos)Scooter (as Porthos): Ta da!

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Sam the Eagle: [translating Gummo Bergman's "Silent Strawberries"] Ah, well, since you do not wish death, then how about a rubber chicken?

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[Backstage; Link comes hurtling through the air and lands on top of Miss Piggy. She untangles herself and stands up, furious]

Miss Piggy: Do you know what you just did?

Link Hogthrob: Yes, I flew through the air with the greatest of ease. The audience loved it. They wanted an encore.

Miss Piggy: Well, let us not disappoint them.

[karate chopping him]

Miss Piggy: HIYA!

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Dudley Moore (as Caesar): Friends, Romans, Countrymen, lend me your ears.

Random Roman muppet: What'd you do with the ones we lent you last week?

Dudley Moore (as Caesar): I stuck them on my chariot.

Random Roman muppet: Why?

Dudley Moore (as Caesar): Because they're chariot-ears.

[all laugh]

Dudley Moore (as Caesar): Bring me my piano.

Random Roman muppet: Bring Great Caesar's piano!

[Several muppet Romans lug a grand piano onstage]

Dudley Moore (as Caesar): Do you know why they call me "Great Caesar"?

Scooter: Because "Great Dudley" would sound stupid?

Dudley Moore (as Caesar): No, fool, because I provide my own background music.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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