Phil of the Future (2004–2006)
Phil Diffy: I don't wanna be your girlfriend. I wanna be your *boy*friend.
[stops startled and off Keely's equally surprised look]
Phil Diffy: I mean, your friend... who's a boy. A guy. A guy friend.
Keely Teslow: Why didn't you tell me?
Phil Diffy: I didn't know how.
Keely Teslow: Phil, you can tell me anything.
[takes him by his shoulders]
Keely Teslow: I'm your girlfriend. I, I, I mean... your friend who's a girl. A gal. A gal friend.
Keely Teslow: She's in Indonesia.
Phil Diffy: You have your latitude and longitude mixed up. She's next to Kid Rock and Ricki Lake.
Keely Teslow: I know a shortcut through Tiger Woods.
Keely Teslow: [cheerfully] Hey! So I got your message. Where's your racket?
Phil Diffy: My dad says our puddinator project will draw a lot of attention and that people will find out that we're from the future... My family has to move.
Keely Teslow: This is crazy! We had all these plans! We were gonna go fishing this summer and I hate fishing. The only reason I was gonna go was because I thought it'd be fun with you!
Keely Teslow: S-so when are you leaving?
Phil Diffy: Tonight.
Keely Teslow: T-tonight? This isn't fair! It just seems like kids should have a say in whether they move or not!
Phil Diffy: [quietly] Tell me about it.
Keely Teslow: So, you wanna play one last game of tennis?
[throws the ball to Phil]
Phil Diffy: Keely, you know I do. I can't. I have to help pack.
[cuts to Keely, speechless]
Phil Diffy: Bye, Keel.
[hugs Keely, then starts walking away. Stops and throws the ball. Offscreen a cat screeches, ruining the sad Pheely moment]
Phil Diffy: [shouts] Sorry!
[pulls a face and walks out of the shot]
Keely Teslow: [quietly] Bye, Phil.
Phil Diffy: Well, the Giggle is only designed for one.
Keely Teslow: We can sit close.
Phil Diffy: Okay.
[Scoots over so Keely can sit beside him very close]
Keely Teslow: [her cheek right next to his] You okay?
Phil Diffy: [smiles, happy at Keely's closeness] Uh-uh.
Bradley Benjamin Farmer: [to officer] She only had one name, Pim... tall, long blonde hair... yet strangely attractive.
[realising the officer is still writing]
Bradley Benjamin Farmer: Hey, don't write that!
Keely Teslow: I can't stand her! I wish a building would fall on her! I wish she'd get stung by a fifty-pound bee!
Keely Teslow: [switching to Phil's bedroom, Phil playing drums] I wish a dog would mistake her for a fire hydrant! I wish the US Women's Soccer team would use her as a football!
Phil Diffy: Hey, how about being run over by a steam roller?
Keely Teslow: [giving him a look] Phil, grow up!
Phil Diffy: We've got to stop her. That's what we've got to do. We need to think of a plan.
Keely Teslow: Okay.
Keely Teslow: Are you thinking of a plan? Cause' I'm just looking serious.
Keely Teslow: In the future, will you wait for me?
Phil Diffy: Really? 'Cause you'll be really really old.
Phil Diffy: But that shouldn't matter. See you, pepper.
Keely Teslow: See you, salt.
Keely Teslow: In... in other news... Oh, whats the point, we all know nothing's going to top that!
Phil Diffy: [Has turned into a five-year-old because of an accident while babysitting] I'M PHIL OF THE FUTURE!
Lloyd Diffy: Phil, are you, five?
Phil Diffy: ...No.
Lloyd Diffy: Really? Cause you look pretty five.
[Phil shakes his head]
Lloyd Diffy: Tell me if you think this is funny. Knock, knock.
Phil Diffy: Who's there?
Lloyd Diffy: Boo.
Phil Diffy: Boo who?
Lloyd Diffy: Stop cryin and I'll tell ya.
[Phil finds it very amusing, covering his face with his hand]
Lloyd Diffy: That's it, you ARE five!
Keely Teslow: [to Phil] Um, too many people!
Phil Diffy: Uh, Mom, Dad?
Lloyd Diffy: But it's my house!
Bradley Benjamin Farmer: I think that's more the woman's job. Surely you know how it is, Mr. Diffy?
Lloyd Diffy: [chuckling] And how!
[seeing Barbara's face]
Lloyd Diffy: H-How dare you say that, you insensitive clod! Uh, honey, give him the talk you always give me!
Pim Diffy: [talking to Phil scratching Curtis' head] Now stop before he goes on the floor.
Joel Messerschmidt: OK, people, we will be having a surprise test next week. Part of the surprise is that the test is tomorrow. Studying is recommended, though futile.
[Pim is foiled by static electricity and her hair is smoking in the hallway]
Mr. Hackett: [cheerfully] No smoking!
[she glares at him]
Phil Diffy: [walks in and sees Sir Issac Newton and Albert Einstein at the table] Phil, I told you not to use holographic geniuses to help you with your homework.
Phil Diffy: They're no help at all, and they're the biggest nerds of all times.
Lloyd Diffy: [looking in the fridge] Hey, who drank all my juice boxes?
[they hide the juice boxes under the table]
Pim Diffy: [balloons are attracted to Curtis when he builds up static electricity] Amazing, how did you harness such power?
Curtis: Balloons like Curtis... Curtis like balloons!
Barbara Diffy: That's perfect! I could be the hostess with the mostess!
Pim Diffy: Mom, you can't even make toastess.
Pim Diffy: [fighting over carton of milk] You used up all the milk!
Phil Diffy: That's because you used up all the ugly!
Pim Diffy: You ate all the toast!
Phil Diffy: I thought it was only fair, I ate all the cereal
Barbara Diffy: Calm down, you two. There's plenty more toast
[puts some down on table]
Phil Diffy: [sarcastic] Oh no, I upset shorty!
Pim Diffy: That does it!
Phil Diffy: You wanna say that standing up?