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Mail Order Bride (2003)
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Overview
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Was this thing made by complete morons? moreCast
(Cast overview, first billed only)| Danny Aiello | ... | Tony Santini | |
| Robert Capelli Jr. | ... | Anthony Santini | |
| Ivana Milicevic | ... | Nina | |
| Artie Lange | ... | Tommy | |
| Slava Schoot | ... | Ivan | |
| Vincent Pastore | ... | Tootie (as Vinnie Pastore) | |
| Raymond Serra | ... | Robber | |
| Frank Bongiorno | ... | Willie the Whiner (as Frankie Bongiorno) | |
| Marilyn J. Papa | ... | Gina (as Marilyn Papa) | |
| Jackie Martling | ... | Jackie the Viking | |
| Steven Ogg | ... | Pavel | |
| Aleksandr Yakovlev | ... | No. 1 Guy in Russian Mafia | |
| Liza Zavaruyeva | ... | Nina's Sister | |
| Yuri Dumchev | ... | Driver | |
| Kamal Ahmed | ... | Buddha |
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Rated R for language and some sexual content.Parents Guide:
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Discuss this movie with other users on IMDb message board for Mail Order Bride (2003)| Recent Posts (updated daily) | User |
|---|---|
| could have done without the Russian Mobsters (pretend Italians) | malmatoe |
| The Song? | kbkey |
| Mail Order Bride | kingjek1 |
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Even by the straight-to-video, D movie standards, "Mail Order Bride" is simply too preposterous for words. Wow! I thought I've seen some crap in my time, but there's simply no preparing for this turd shower.
From one of the lamest plots in the history of American cinema over to the fact I've heard more authentic-sounding dialogue in many porn flicks, the English language may not be descriptive enough to convey how horrendous this stinker really is.
How do obviously horrible movies like this one get made? Even if I can somehow grasp the misguided motivation of Robert Capelli Jr., an apparent self delusional NYC goombah turned not only actor, but also screenwriter and director, I'm truly at a loss when it comes to understanding the money trail. Taking the production over to Russia and shooting on location in Moscow couldn't have been cheap - surely someone must have put up some major cash to make that happen. Who are these wonderful benefactors? Who looked at this script, agreed with the assertion about it "possessing some big-screen potential" and forked over a certain amount of dough? And how many others repeated the above sequence in one way or another?
I demand answers! There really should be some kind of tangible punishment for enabling film-making this maladroit.
Burying this piece of garbage in limited video release isn't enough. Public tarring and feathering of every single person who made "Mail Order Bride" financially possible is the least punishment these heinous enablers should have to endure.
PS: Artie Lange and Jackie "The Jokeman" Martling ought to pick their drinking and/or drug buddies more carefully. I can believe Jackie really did need the money back in 2003 to supplement his chochkie selling income, but what was Artie's excuse for being in this. Committing to movies while intoxicated is definitely not a good idea.