Mr 3000 (2004)
[Stan is in a commerical]
Stan: You don't like me because I sign autographs.
[hits a baseball]
Stan: You don't like me because I tell you what's on my mind.
[Hits another baseball]
Stan: But you love me because I am the greatest hitters alive!
[swings a few more hits]
Tom Arnold: Hey, we're sorry about all that stuff we said before you hit that homer...
Stan: Yeah, you wouldn't be anywhere if it wasn't for Roseanne.
Big Horse Borelli: You know, a lot of people said that Stan only looked out for himself, that he wasn't a team player. But I'm here to tell you, if you get 3000 hits, you don't have to be a team player. If you have a lifetime .314 average, you don't have to be a good guy. If you lead the league in batting for three years, you can be the biggest jerk in the world!
Norton: Hey Ross, why don't you just go sit on the bench? You're not getting this hit off of me. Deal with it!
Minadeo: Stan Ross! You're batting 8th!
Stan: 8th! That's for banjo hitters. I never batted lower than 5th in my life.
Fukuda: You bat there now, you son of my dick.
Rex 'T-Rex' Pennebaker: When you get a base hit in this millennium, then you can come on down there, and talk to me.