Leeches! (2003 Video)
User ReviewsAdd a Review
the actors all look alike, and i can't tell whose character is who. for a campy horror movie, there is NO sex, not even nudity. and the leeches. the barely muppet-esque, hand puppet leeches. the pain. the agony.
i've watched some bad movies in my time, but this simply takes the cake. a bad aprody of a film student's final project, this is a flick to be avoided AT ALL COSTS. and when something isn't even worth the cost of a 99 cent rental...
it's just bad. out and out painfully, not even mockably bad.
In fairness, the film is not trying to be anything more than a low-level exploitation film. A similarly masochistic buddy of mine watched it with me and we actually found it hilariously funny in a couple of spots. The acting is total cheeseball and the dialogue is ridiculous. The film is charged with homo-eroticism. Come on, it is just hilarious the number of shower scenes that take place, and the fact that all of the guys go into slow motion when they undress to go swimming.
The leeches are pretty funny. They move very slowly ... until they attack. Then suddenly they become piranhas and move with lightening speed. The leeches also have high pitched squeaky voices. Oh yes, this is a special film.
If I was going to be generous I would say you could watch this film as a satire of teen monster movies or that it is maybe a message film -- "Steroids are BAD!" You'll be happier if you watch it and just revel in the b-movie humour. A lot of it is unintentional and the actors all take their parts with a hilarious degree of seriousness. What little hope there might have been for this movie was spoiled by a completely random plot twist in the last moments of the movie.
I was going to list a series of questions that the movie had brought up for me, like why a competitive swim team with an Olympic sized pool would need to swim in a leech infested lake. I don't really want to waste anymore time on this movie though and I hope anyone reading this is doing it pre-emptively. I love bad movies but this is just garbage, sprinkled with a side of unintentional humour.
My favorite in this film, is the Leech coming up the leg of a sleeping hunk, right up to his lower ass, the Leech rears it's head and it looks like he's gonna plunge into the guy's . . . . I was laughing so hard. Alright, serious business here. David, please, please, please can't we have a couple of hot butt shots (naked)!! So. Hot studs. Underwear. Crazy plot. Acting not so good. DeCoteau's dazzling and interesting camera shots. What's not to like??
This is a monster movie, so lets talk about the monsters. What a joke, I could see the string in one scene dragging a lump of green rubber shaped like a turd, across the floor. Woo! That scared the crap out of me. Rest of the time it was a unconvincing hand puppet.Just brutal.
Acting sucked, Story was poor, sets were boring, and my time was wasted. I did like this better then "speeddemons" but that is not saying much.
I can not recommend this movie to a "B" movie monster film lover, or anyone else for that matter, avoid it.
Co-produced & directed by David DeCoteau, who according to the IMDb also has a small uncredited role in the film as Franklin the Walkie Talkie Voice(!), Leeches! is a very poor film throughout. The script by Michael Gingold could have been decent fun as a creature feature type horror but instead it's just lame, it's boring & has no depth as it skates over & all but ignores the drug usage issue. The character's are awful, the dialogue sucks & everyone is one dimensional teenage leech food & wouldn't you notice or feel a huge mutant leech crawling up your naked back? It's one of those films which has an outrageous premise & promises so much but in the end I simply couldn't wait for it to end, speaking of the end there's a 'twist' which comes from nowhere & seemed totally pointless. The body count is low & the leeches themselves are far from scary or threatening, in fact the real leeches used at the start are more effective than the stupid rubber ones.
Leeches! was one of two films director DeCoteau made during '03, the other being Speed Demon (2003), so you can probably guess the sort of time & commitment spent on Leeches! First of all it's true what everyone says about Leeches!, DeCoteau uses & films as many half naked young guys as he can. I can't remember a shot where a guy actually had a shirt on to be honest, constant shots of young men in their speedos as DeCoteau's camera can't get enough of it! Surprisingly this was shot in a 2:35:1 aspect ratio (basically you will have thick bars at the top & bottom of the screen if you see it that way) which could have given DeCoteau the opportunity to make a nice looking & stylish film, he obviously passed the opportunity up. The violence & gore is as restrained as possible, someone coughs some blood up, a few leech bite marks & a decent bit where a wire slices through someone's throat. For some bizarre & highly annoying reason DeCoteau films the weak attack scenes with quick cuts & with strobe lighting effects which happen during the attack's but not before or after, the words cheap 'n' nasty spring to mind.
With a budget that probably wouldn't cover a round of drinks Leeches! is a pretty shoddy production that was probably made with the video/DVD market in mind. Low production values, really poor special effects as the leeches themselves are mostly just glove puppets & are only filmed from half way up their bodies & Leeches! just has that cheap vibe throughout.
Leeches! is a pretty poor film, to it's credit it's short & it moves along at a fair pace although generally speaking it's just poor. If you enjoy looking at half naked young guys then Leeches! is definitely for you, if you enjoy a good horror film then Leeches! definitely isn't for you.
At Lakecrest College, the male swim team, Stevo, (Matt Twining) Jason, (Josh Henderson) Spencer, (Michael Lutz) Tony, (Stephen Sowan) and Fish, (Greg Lyczkowski) are preparing for the swim meet by taking steroids, which Jason's girlfriend Casey, (Stacey Nelson) doesn't approve of. While going swimming for Spring Break, they take a swim in leech-infested waters, and they come back to campus with the leeches following them. As the leeches start devouring the swim team, the remaining members of the team and their girlfriends race to stop the creatures.
The Good News: Speaking as a heterosexual male, it doesn't bother me that the film was an implicit homosexual film. It's quite obvious from the first five minutes that this was the intention of the film, and as such, it succeeds quite capably. There are plenty of shots of young buff men in swim trunks in this movie, and the camera literally lingers over then for minutes at a time for a single scene, and this allows the bodies to be on display for the entire time. It's exactly the sort of thing that would appeal to the kind of characters on screen, as they get loads of moments to ogle over their favorite swimmer. When it wants to, there is some nice gore in here, which is mainly the eaten away faces of the victims. It looks okay, and definitely won't be called one of the goriest movies ever, but it gets the hob done. Plus, any time a film purposefully knocks off the lead couple is quite and refreshing, and gives an anyone can die atmosphere. Much appreciated.
The Bad News: The fact is, even though this is an implicit homosexual movie, it still ends up shooting itself in the foot for several reasons. By keeping it "secular," for lack of a better term, it basically becomes just a tease of itself. It can never be the fully explicit soft-core movie it so wants to be. There isn't really a glory shot in the movie that would make it seem to be that way, and never really goes for what it truly wants to be. Plus, instead of trying to romanticize the scene, which was obviously the intention, the incredibly hokey slow-mo effects are basically a way to just drag the movie's pacing down. Most of the time, the required slow-motion sequences are so out-of-place that by becoming so ridiculously cheesy, the effect of the shot is ruined by forcing us to endure it so often. A couple times is nice, however doing it this many times is just aggravating. It slows the already snail's pace it travels at even slower, and certainly the drug-storyline isn't helping matters. Most of the movie is either implicit soft-core lusting or drug pushing, and not a monster movie. There's already a whole genre of films devoted to anti-drug users, there's no need for them in the movie. Had it been the back-story or a subplot to the monster attacks, it wouldn't be so bad. But, it instead pushes the monster attacks to the back, with the rest of the time spent between the two previously mentioned qualities. Even worse, the creatures in here, being given literally third billing despite their name on the film, aren't that scary. They have a nice low-budget appeal, and an effective reason for being, but themselves are very slow, obviously fakes, and really do nothing other than crawl ever so slowly towards their target. Not that effective for a titular creature.
The Final Verdict: With a little more work, this could've been good. It has enough good elements for all the different plots it has, but the film still has some trouble. It wants to be both, but it succeeds in being neither. Only recommend for those that enjoy these kinds of films, or those thinking about it. Serious horror fans will find too much trouble in here to enjoy.
Rated R: Pervasive homosexual attitudes and themes, gratuitous drug use, Violence and mild language
Also, everything looks like fake in this awful film: monstrous leeches, small leeches, the school lab and even the glasses of the "bright guy"! It was like to watch a Baywatch episode, but where boys replaced all the girls. Worse, it was like a skin flick, but the sex in less, just a director who loves male body. He film them at the lake, running shirtless on the campus, at pool, laying in the bed and in the shower with a water spray which make a cast of their muscles. And tell me why everybody in this movie takes its shower with Speedo or boxers! Would it have also been necessary to make a research on how taking its shower to make it real!?
So why did I see it?
Simple, I was on a swimteam back in the day and I thought: "What an interesting concept!"
Of course, all of the other thoughts in my head kept telling me "Stay away...stay away. You know what this is gonna turn out to be!" But I say to hell with it and rented it anyway.
All of what I thought did come true. Too many speedo shots, boring and obviously mechanical "leeches" and an ending so rushed and so dull I think I could have slapped one of the leeches on my and let it suck out my blood. Just to numb the pain of seeing this film.
Still, the fact of a swimteam taking on a "hord" of killer leeches was fun, funny and out of the norm!
Oh well...I am a sucker of b-movies and will be until my dying day. If they keep making them. I'll keep watching them.
5 out of 10
The only thing I liked about this movie was the hot bodies of the guys. This movie would appeal to bored housewives and gay guys- for about two seconds.
There is nothing of value no matter what your gender or sexual orientation. The director obviously thinks guys are more interesting to watch. The guys are always scanned up and down by the camera and almost always topless.
There's nothing added to the movie to make up for the lack of special effects, sanity and imagination. If you're going to make a B thriller movie, at least make it interesting.
If you are gay or very naieve you will like this movie. I hate every actor in this movie, and if they were actually eaten by leeches, that would be a very good thing. TERRIBLE, there is no point to list how many bad specific areas in how bad this movie.
TERRIBLE: Sprecial effects, gayness, dialogue so low you cant hear it. Homoertocism is what the purpose of this film apparently is. Its currently on sci-fi right now, I thought I would watch it to make fun of it, but when i realized just how bad this is, I had to go online to write this review, I'm going to turn it off and take a nap insead, and thats what I recommend rather than watching this movie. It doesn't even deserve the 2.8/10 it currently has. My score: -0.05/10