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5 out of 5 people found the following review useful:
Stupid title; crap film., 21 January 2008
1/10
Author: BA_Harrison from Hampshire, England

My colleagues at work often question my taste in film: they cannot understand why I waste my time championing low budget horror when I could be watching the latest blockbuster to wow the masses at the local multiplex. After watching Aquanoids, I'm beginning to wonder why I bother myself.

Set on a small island off the Californian coast, Aquanoids stars Laura Nativo as Vanessa, a beautiful diver who, after being attacked by a hideous fish-man, attempts to warn the locals of the danger that lurks in the surrounding waters. This upsets the nasty officials of the island, who are afraid that Vanessa will scare away tourists and upset plans for the building of a shopping complex.

A shoddy mish-mash of themes and ideas stolen from the likes of Jaws, Humanoids From The Deep, and The Creature From The Black Lagoon, Aquanoids is absolutely awful in almost every way imaginable: the direction is clumsy and amateurish; the script is childish, poorly written, and highly unoriginal; the editing shows no hint of restraint, utilising every gimmicky fade, wipe and split-screen effect possible; the monster make-up and gore is cheap and laughable; the special effects are unconvincing; and the acting is uniformly awful. Even some welcome female nudity cannot stop this one from being a total waste of time.

Whilst watching this lamentable mess, I noticed that one character had the surname McClure, whilst another was named Bruce—possible references to actor Doug McClure (from Humanoids From The Deep) and Bruce the Shark (from Jaws). There is also a scene where several characters discuss their favourite watery monster movies, mentioning Deep Star Six, Leviathan, Tentacles, Alligator 2 and Roger Corman in the process. This leads me to believe that the makers of Aquanoids are genuine fans of horror and B-movies. If this is the case, then those involved should hang their heads in shame for giving us this abysmal addition to the genre.

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8 out of 12 people found the following review useful:
Don't bother., 5 July 2003
1/10
Author: sketchy from A cosmic dust pit.

Very poor, ameraturish, and incompetent monster movie about a small community that gets attacked by killer humanoid-esque creatures living in aquatic caves. Some decent gore, but the film is so poorly made that it's hard to enjoy. Don't bother watching this film, it is boring, slow, and sports some really bad acting. What a shame. Could have been THE monster movie of 2003.

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3 out of 5 people found the following review useful:
Good old fashioned drive-in fun, 30 June 2007
6/10
Author: hocfocprod from United States

OK, it's obvious the budget on this movie wasn't huge...or big...or enough even, but I'm a sucker for rubber-suit monster flicks and Aquanoids delivers. It's shot well and the sound is clean most of the time. Some things don't make much sense, but it's about sea monsters, so leave your disbelief at the door, make some popcorn and give the DVD a spin.

If you think the old Doctor Who episodes are too schlocky looking, or the monsters in Space 1999 ruin the plot line, then this movie probably isn't for you.

If you want some gore, nudity, an above average for this type of movie plot and a cool looking monster than you'll probably enjoy Aquanoids. I'm not saying to run out and buy it, but it certainly worth an online rental for monster fans.

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6 out of 11 people found the following review useful:
Awful, 22 October 2004
Author: zorro2a from United Kingdom

Well l always thought that "Plan 9 From Outer Space" was the worst film ever made but compared to "Aquanoids" it's an epic.

"Aquanoids" is truly awful, the acting is wooden, the lines were spoken with long pauses between, even the special effects (what effects) were pretty bad, and when you think that the aquanoid himself was played by the cameraman thats says it all...it must have cost someone some money but l bet they don't get it back...a good tax loss.

I usually like independent films but this was something else...l don't know what, but it was something else.....urgh!!!

l'm not even giving it a mark.

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Amazing :), 15 May 2012
9/10
Author: southpark835 (southpark835@hotmail.com) from Las Vegas

I loved the idea of this, its unique and sets a great atmosphere I love the way that the actors work and that they made the film on a tight budget but it still works for me, I love the ending and the concept of the monster. I think it could have been more successful if more people gave it a try, so if you see this on DVD anywhere, go ahead and buy it. If you cannot get hold of it, try Ebay they will have the film. Here's my results table.

Acting:10/10

Suspense:8/10

Action:9/10

Overall 90%, Very good

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Here we go..., 6 January 2011
4/10
Author: Hellraiserdisciple from Norway

After watching Aquanoids I told myself that if I was going to see this one again it would be solely for the purpose of reviewing it. Seeing as how I'm writing this it means I have indeed done such a thing.

As Aquanoids opens you spend a couple of minutes taking in the fact that this truly IS a low-budget film. REALLY low-budget. It's an amateur film. They open with an aquanoid attack in 1987 then jump 16 years in time. We later learn that 17 people were killed during that summer. Our heroine, looking like a bustier, less talented Eliza Dushku, is still mourning the loss of her mother that summer. She knows an aquanoid when she sees one and starts her crusade to close the beaches and stop the ferocious aquanoids. Vanessa says the aquanoidS are back, but we don't really see more than one at the time. The aquanoid costume probably represented one of the bigger posts on the meager budget. We should respect that. The mayor of course doesn't want the threat to leak out and takes a few precautionary measures. We also have some inquisitive reporters that don't really add much to anything. It's influence from superior films like, Jaws, Humanoids from the Deep and others are obvious. They even mention several of its predecessors. At least that shows the movie is self conscious. Not that it helps much, but a little.

So just what's the deal with Aquanoids? Well, there are plenty of things to notice and reflect upon when watching it. Laurence Hobbs playing Jackson is one of the great things about this movie. Seeing his costume, a pair of pants and a grey t-shirt I can't help but wonder if that was what Hobbs put on when getting up that morning. Just put on whatever you have. His acting style is relentless! Jackson is utterly hilarious when exclaiming: "I can't believe it got into Lovers Cove!" Like that is something unbelievable. Was that a fact so terrible your mind simply refused to comprehend it? Jackson also witnessed one of the aquanoid attacks back in 87. He just happened to be standing at the beach with binoculars… at night. But, hey, so was I! Another wonderful scene is when Vanessa's friend at one point asks her for an opinion on something. She's made an impressive sign on the computer reading: DANGEROUS WATERS! ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK! Vanessa says: "I think that will work!". That is truly brilliant stuff! The evil mayor and father-of-the-year award winner at one point tell his daughter: "Now look, I don't want any alcohol at the party. We don't want to pump your stomach again!" He's playing the role of the concerned parent. While being evil! In all fairness he does singlehandedly represent all the acting credibility in the movie. Trying to earn it a higher rating we get a half-assed gory autopsy. I think we've seen enough scenes in other movies with an iron-stomach pathologist who eats while doing his thing. Do something else. At the end Vanessa learns that Jackson is in fact her father. She is shocked and I am shocked that she was shocked. We were both shocked. What shocked and disappointed me even more was her inability to get topless. I expected that from a title like Aquanoids. Others do though, in very random fashion.

The technical aspects are quite, shall we say puritan? Whenever we have some underwater shots you can't help but think it's a pity the BBC wildlife photographer must have slept late that day. They make a daring attempt at split-screen. They even dazzle us with three different images at the same time! The scene itself isn't half-bad, with a somewhat dynamic car chase. A couple of times I could see their attempt to create a certain something in tone and even though the execution for the most part didn't work, it felt sincere.

Bottom line is that YOU could probably make this film. It's quite possible to do. Just use whatever you have and improvise the rest. Aquanoids is by no means good, or particularly competent, but I'm still happy someone put an effort into making a horror movie, even if it was a pretty bad one.

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Shocking, 20 August 2010
1/10
Author: robin_l from United Kingdom

The plot is shocking. The acting, dialogue, continuity and editing are shocking.

I don't know why the producer thought this would be worth making.

Will someone please tell me why the police officer doesn't even drive a police car?

I suppose the budget didn't allow for it.

This idiotic, banal turkey can provide some Friday night laughs, subject to the addition of beer and pretzels.

I'll give it one out of ten for the babes in bikinis. And that's being generous.

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Excellent example of how not to make films, 9 August 2010
2/10
Author: Neil Welch from United Kingdom

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Jaws was a great movie. Creature From The Black Lagoon wasn't a bad movie. There is no reason why their offspring should be a bad movie. And yet it is. Very bad.

OK, so someone lends you a videocamera, gives you fortyseven quid, and suggests you should go and make a film. Here are the lessons you can learn from Aquanoids:

1. Start by writing a script where the dialogue is believable (eg. don't have your character saying "It's the missing surfer!" - we KNOW it's the missing surfer).

2. Cast actors who can act, even if only a little bit.

3. Find an editor who can edit and a director who can direct (see the sequence where the two girls go to the marina on scooters and then head out on the jetski for a masterclass in how not to do either).

4. Steer clear of gratuitous video effects - what worked in Predator won't work if you can't afford to do it properly;

5. Avoid synthesiser music.

6. Don't make a sequel when no-one ever made the original.

7. Don't call your movie "Aquanoids" if there's only one Aquanoid.

But I do award a point over the baseline minimum for a) the sheer gall of starting off with an appalling day-for-night cross between From Here To Eternity's rolling in the surf sequence and the Jaws opening sequence, and b) gratuitous boobage.

This was in the cheapo cheapo DVD bin. I wuz robbed.

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Aquanaut out of ten, 26 March 2009
Author: Seb from United Kingdom

This movie is terrible from start to finish. The plot is like something written by an 8 year old kid who has just watched Jaws and the acting is similar to the quality you get when a relative realises you are videoing them at a wedding and tries to be say something funny in the general direction of the camera. This film is so cheap and pitiful I can't even bring myself to give it one out of ten. Even if you're a fan of really bad movies you probably won't be able to wring any fun out of this film because it's beyond parody.

I still can't believe the vague marine expert rides around on a scooter. Did nobody involved in the movie have a car she could have used for half an hour?

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awful film but i love it, 2 February 2009
2/10
Author: Conor Moore from United Kingdom Glasgow

Now, i have been watching B-movie horrors for sometime now and this film is by far the worst one i have ever watched but also the best. If your looking for good script, acting, story etc. then avoid this film like the plague however if you are looking for a cheap laughter filled night in with the lads, this is the one for you. With no where near believable characters and a largely endowed femme fa tale you know your in for at least some cheap laughs and nudity. The script while trying to be serious is just awful, thats all that can be said....awful, just bloody awful.The script is devoid of interesting plot turns and any real creativity, if you gave a monkey a type writer the script for aquanoids would quickly churn out.

I do however have a place in my heart for this film, even though the script was downright terrible, some moments in this film are just a must to commit to memory and are undeniably funny. The camera quality too adds to the hilarity, as a good friend whom i watched this with described its quality very well as "porno Cam".

to conclude, if you see this in a bargain bin, buy it just to see what I'm talking about but if you are not someone in persuasion of B-movie horror you best look somewhere else.

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