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Stuck on You (2003) Poster

(2003)

Quotes

Walt: She's got mace.

Dart in Head Guy: [with dart stuck in his head] Hey, do I look different to you?

Man: You got a dart in your head, you dumb shit.

April: Can I ask you a personal question?

Walt: Nine inches.

April: [after surgery to separate the twins] Bob, you look good.

Walt: He looks good. What am I chopped liver?

April: Actually, yeah.

Walt: What's a three-letter word for man's best friend?

April: Tit?

Walt: No, I've tried that already.

Bob: [to Walt] Don't you walk away from me!

Walt: All right. Burgers on the house!

[everyone shouts "Yeah!"]

Bob: He's just kiddin', you cheap bastards.

Walt: Hey, Dave. How about another tall one?

Dave: Got it. How about you there, Bob?

Bob: No, no. No, I'm cool. I'm the designated walker tonight.

1st AD: Excuse me, Miss Cher, there's a few fans outside hoping for autographs.

Cher: Allright, but I am not taking any pictures.

Cute Autograph Girl: Oh shit, it's just Cher.

Walt: Christ Bob, you haven't been laid in five years.

Bob: Hey, how would you know?

[Walt gives him a serious look]

Bob: Damn.

Walt: Times up Casanever. Can I join you for a drink?

Bar Hottie: Sure.

Walt: Okay, what's your name?

Bar Hottie: Debbie.

[they shake hands]

Walt: Hi I'm Walt Tenor.

Bar Hottie: Nice to meet you.

Walt: Nice to meet you!

Morty O'Reilly: I'm gonna have to level with you. Siamese twins ain't the easiest sell I've ever had.

Bob: We're not Siamese. We're American.

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Walt: What's a four-letter word for snatch?

Bob: Grab.

Walt: Oh... right. Whoopsie.

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Cher: [to extremely young lover, while in bed together] Go to bed. You have a geography test in the morning.

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[from trailer]

Bob: We share a liver.

April: Are you sure you even need a liver?

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[Walt and Bob are considering separation]

Walt: Think about it. You'll be able to read a book alone, play golf by yourself,

[whispering]

Walt: masturbate in private like the good Lord intended.

Bob: What are you talking about?

Walt: Oh, please, last night it was like trying to sleep next to a paint-shaker.

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Rocket: [Bob is doing a bad job of cooking burgers by himself] Hey Bob, get the lead out of your ass!

Bob: Hey, up yours, Rocket!

Rocket: [sarcastically] Oh, Nice Comeback.

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Walt: Are you kidding? You could win an humanitarian award for how nice you were to us.

Cher: Aww... no. Well, really, is there talk of me getting one?

Walt: No, no, it's just a figure of speech.

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Doctor 1: I'm afraid... we lost them.

[girls gasp and begin to cry]

Doctor 1: [other doctor enters]

Doctor 2: It's okay, they'd been taken up to the top floor. We found them.

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[on her new TV show]

Cher: This makes Touched by an Angel look like Trainspotting.

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Drive-by Heckler: Hey, Freaks!

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Man in burger bar: [to Rocket] Hey! I ordered diet coke!

Rocket: Enjoy your meal

Man in burger bar: [to Bob] Hey, you shouldn't have freaks in here!

Bob: You know, you're absolutely right, we don't want freaks in here, so Rocket, would you kindly show this freak to the door?

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Morty O'Reilly: If you do this, you're committing career suicide.

Walt: That's what they said when Erik Estrada quit "CHiPS".

Morty O'Reilly: You're shitting me. He quit?

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Cher: I was a bitch with a capital C.

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May: [to Bob and Walt] Look, I was hoping we could have a word in private, I mean just the three of us.

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May: [to motel clerk] Hey, you wouldn't happen to know if Bob was alone, would you?

Moe: I highly doubt it.

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Bob: Hey, I'm alone!

Convenience Store Patron: Great buddy, you're gonna stay that way, too!

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Rocket: [Bob is doing a bad job of cooking burgers by himself] Hey Bob, get the lead out of your ass!

Bob: Hey, up yours, Rocket!

Rocket: [sarcastically] Oh, Great Comeback.

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Mimmy: Bob, the people at Table 14 are really hungry, where's the food?

Bob: How much time have I got left?

Mimmy: You're already fourteen minutes over!

Bob: Well then, what are they bitching about? They're gonna get a free meal.

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Bob: We flew over the Grand Canyon on our way out here.

May: Really?

Bob: Yeah, it's way different from the Vineyard. You know, with the big hole and shit. Um, and it's orange.

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Walt: Boozing with Cher... boozing with Cher...

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Walt: She'll be back. Where else is she gonna find a guy like you?

Bob: I don't know. Chernobyl?

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Bob: [to Walt, on the operating table just before the twins are anesthetized for dangerous separation surgery] Promise me you'll still be there when I wake up.

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Bob: Hi, how are ya? My name's Bob Tenor but I'm really more of a baritone.

Bar Hottie: Hi Bob.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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