Joel: Constantly talking isn't necessarily communicating.
Clementine: This is it, Joel. It's going to be gone soon.
Joel: I know.
Clementine: What do we do?
Joel: Enjoy it.
[Clementine and Joel have broken into an empty house on the Montauk beach]
Joel: I think we should go.
Clementine: No, it's our house! Just for tonight...
[she looks at an envelope on the counter]
Clementine: ...we are David and Ruth Laskin. Which one do you want to be? I prefer to be Ruth, but I'm flexible.
Stan: He's off the map. He's off the map!
Joel: Is there any risk of brain damage?
Howard: Well, technically speaking, the operation is brain damage, but it's on a par with a night of heavy drinking. Nothing you'll miss.
Patrick: You know that girl we did last week? The one with the potatoes.
Stan: That girl? Yeah, that's this guy's girl.
Stan: Right... Was. Took care of that.
Patrick: Well uh, I kind of fell in love with her that night.
Stan: What? You little fuck!
Stan: She was unconscious, man.
Patrick: Well, she was beautiful and... I stole a pair of her panties as well.
Patrick: What? It's not like - I mean they were clean and all.
Stan: Don't tell me this stuff! I don't wanna hear this shit!
Joel: I can't see anything that I don't like about you.
Clementine: But you will! But you will. You know, you will think of things. And I'll get bored with you and feel trapped because that's what happens with me.
Clementine: [pauses] Okay.
Clementine: Maybe you can find yourself a nice antique rocking chair to die in.
Clementine: [after discussing the names for all the different hair colors there must be] I apply my personality into paste.
Joel: Oh, I doubt that very much.
Clementine: Well, you don't know me so... you don't know, do you?
Joel: Sorry, I was... just trying to be nice.
Clementine: Yeah... I got it...
[She hides behind the seat for a minute]
Clementine: ... I'm Clementine, by the way.
Joel: I'm Joel.
Clementine: Hi, Joel.
[they shake hands]
Clementine: No jokes about my name... Nooo, you wouldn't do that. You were trying to be nice.
Joel: I don't know any jokes about your name.
Clementine: Huckleberry Hound.
Joel: I don't know what that means.
Clementine: Huckleberry Hound? What are you, NUTS?
Joel: It's been suggested.
Howard: ...Our files are confidential Mr. Barish so we can't show you any evidence. Suffice it to say, Miss Kruczynski was not happy and she wanted to move on. We provide that possibility.
Joel: [in the house on the beach] I have to go. I have to catch my ride.
Clementine: So go!
Joel: I did. I thought maybe you were a nut... but you were exciting.
Clementine: I wish you had stayed.
Joel: I wish I had stayed too. NOW I wish I had stayed. I wish I had done a lot of things. I wish I had... I wish I had stayed. I do.
Clementine: Well I came back downstairs and you were gone!
Joel: I walked out, I walked out the door!
Joel: I don't know. I felt like I was a scared little kid, I was like... it was above my head, I don't know.
Clementine: You were scared?
Joel: Yeah. I thought you knew that about me. I ran back to the bonfire, trying to outrun my humiliation.
Clementine: Was it something I said?
Joel: Yeah, you said "so go." With such disdain, you know?
Clementine: Oh, I'm sorry.
Joel: It's okay.
Clementine: Joely? What if you stayed this time?
Joel: I walked out the door. There's no memory left.
Clementine: Come back and make up a good-bye at least. Let's pretend we had one.
[Joel comes back. Clementine walks down the stairs towards him]
Clementine: Bye Joel.
Joel: I love you.
Clementine: Meet me... in Montauk...
Clementine: [Clem arrives home to see Patrick waiting for her] Patrick, get the fuck awa...
Patrick: -What's wrong?
Clementine: Get the fuck away from me!
Patrick: Do you wanna talk about it?
Clementine: NO! Get the fuck away!
Patrick: Baby, whats wrong?
Clementine: I don't know! I DON'T KNOW! I'm lost! I'm scared! I feel like I'm disappearing! MY SKIN'S COMING OFF! I'M GETTING OLD! Nothing makes any sense to me! NOTHING MAKES ANY SENSE!
Clementine: HEY! Lets go out dancing! You want to go out to Montauk with me?
Clementine: Yeah, NO! Come out to Boston with me!
Patrick: Sure, we can go next weekend.
Clementine: NO! Now! Now! I have to go see the frozen Charles NOW!
Joel: Can you hear me? I don't want this any more! I want to call it off!
Joel: Sand is overrated. It's just tiny, little rocks.
Mary: Blessed are the forgetful, for they get the better even of their blunders.
[they click glasses]
Mary: Nietzsche. Beyond Good and Evil. Found it in my Bartlett's.
[Clementine is trying to comfort baby Joel by showing him her crotch]
Clementine: My crotch is still here, just as you remembered it.
Joel: [narration as Clementine acknowledges him by raising her coffee mug] Why do I fall in love with every woman I see who shows me the least bit of attention?
[Mary reads to Dr. Mierzwiak out of "Bartlett's Familiar Quotations"; the lines are from Alexander Pope's poem "Eloisa to Abelard"]
Mary: How happy is the blameless vestal's lot! / The world forgetting, by the world forgot / Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind! / Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd.
Clementine: Hi. Didn't figure you'd show your face around me again. I guess I thought you were... humiliated. You did run away, after all.
Joel: I just needed to see you.
Joel: I'd like to, um... take you out, or something.
Clementine: You're married.
Joel: Not yet, not married. No, I'm not married.
Clementine: Look man, I'm telling you right off the bat, I'm high-maintainance, so... I'm not gonna tip-toe around your marriage, or whatever it is you've got goin' there. If you wanna be with me, you're with me.
Clementine: Too many guys think I'm a concept, or I complete them, or I'm gonna make them alive. But I'm just a fucked-up girl who's lookin' for my own peace of mind; don't assign me yours.
Joel: I remember that speech really well.
Clementine: I had you pegged, didn't I?
Joel: You had the whole human race pegged.
Clementine: Hmm. Probably.
Joel: I still thought you were gonna save my life... even after that.
Clementine: Ohhh... I know.
Joel: It would be different, if we could just give it another go-round.
Clementine: Remember me. Try your best; maybe we can.
Joel: I could die right now, Clem. I'm just... happy. I've never felt that before. I'm just exactly where I want to be.
[Hammering noises in the background]
Carrie: Rob, give it a rest.
Rob: Carrie, I am making a birdhouse.
Joel: This is working like gangbusters.
[looking at the letter from Lacuna, Inc]
Joel: What is it?
Rob: I don't know, it's a place that does a thing...
[as Joel and Clementine eat out, he thinks about the other glum-looking couples in the restaurant]
Joel: Are we like those bored couples you feel sorry for in restaurants? Are we the dining dead? I can't stand the idea of us being a couple people think that about.
Rob: The plane crashed. I didn't crash the plane.
Clementine: [whispers] Meet me... in Montauk...
Patrick: Mary hates me. I've never been popular with the ladies.
Stan: Maybe if you stopped stealing their panties.
Clementine: ...What?... What do you *want* Joel?
Joel: I don't know! I want you wait for just a... a while.
Clementine: Drink up, young man. It'll make the whole seduction part less repugnant.
Clementine: Joel, hide me in your humiliation!
Mary: That was beautiful to watch, Howard. Like a surgeon or a concert pianist.
Stan: You looked happy. Happy with a secret.
Joel Barish: Pages ripped out. Don't remember doing that. It appears this is my first entry in two years.
[Clementine is leading Joel out onto the frozen Charles River]
Joel: I don't know. What if it breaks?
Clementine: What if? Do you really care right now?
Joel: Look at it out here, it's all falling apart. I'm erasing you and I'm happy!
Joel: By morning, you'll be gone.
Carrie: She decided to erase you almost as a lark.
Howard: You want to empty your home, you want to empty your life, of Clementine.
Clementine: I'm fucking crawling out of my skin. I should've left you at the flea market.
Joel: Mierzwiak! Please let me keep this memory, just this one.
Clementine: Sometimes I don't think people realize how lonely it is to be a kid. Like... you don't matter.
[Mary is stoned, and Joel has just gone off the map]
Mary: He could wake up all half-baked and, gooey and, and half-baked... mmm, that sounds sooo good. I'm hungry.
Joel: My God, there's people coming out of your butt.
Carrie: You're stoned and you're driving.
Rob: Pot balances me out. Pot brings me up. That's I smoke it if I'm going to be drinking.
Frank: McRomance. Want some fries with that shake?
Joel: I don't see anything I don't like about you.
Clementine: But you will! But you will, and I'll get bored with you and feel trapped, because that's what happens with me.
Clementine: Let me show you something... come on...
Joel: I think I heard a crack.
Clementine: It's not gonna crack, or break, or... it's so thick!... Show me which constellations you know.
Joel: Um... oh... I don't... know any.
Clementine: Show me which ones you know!
Joel: Okay... okay... oh! There's Osidius.
Joel: Right there... see? Sort of a swoop and a cross, Osidius the Emphatic.
Clementine: You're full of shit, right?
Joel: Nope. Osidius, right there, swoop and cross.
Clementine: Shut the fuck up!
Clementine: Look, I'm sorry if I came off a little nutso, I'm not really.
Joel: That's okay, I really didn't think you were.
Rob: It's not about us, it's about Joel, who's an adult, okay, not "Momma Carrie's kid"!
Clementine: Look man, I'm telling you right off the bat I'm high maintenance. So I'm not gonna tip-toe around your marriage or whatever it is ya got goin' on there. If you wanna be with me, you're with me.
[4-year-old Joel watches his mother leave the room]
4-Year-Old Joel: I really want her to pick me up. It's amazing how strong that desire is.
Joel: [voice over] random thoughts for Valentine's day, 2004. Today is a holiday invented by greeting card companies to make people feel like crap.
Clementine: I wish you'd stayed.
Joel: I wish I'd stayed, too. NOW I wish I'd stayed. I wish I'd done a lot of things. I wish I'd... I wish I'd stayed... I do.
Joel: I love being bathed in the sink - such a feeling of security.
Clementine: I've never seen you happier, baby Joel.
Clementine: Wish me a happy Valentine's Day when you call. That'd be... nice!
Clementine: You married?
Clementine: Let's move into this neighborhood!
Joel: I do sorta live with someone though.
Clementine: Male or female?
Joel: What? Female... female...
Clementine: At least I'm not barking up the wrong tree!
Clementine: My embarrassing admission is I really like that you're nice, right now.
[Patrick knocks on Joel's car window while parked in front of Clem's apartment]
Patrick: Can I help you?
Joel: What do you mean?
Patrick: Can I help you with something?
Patrick: What are you doing here?
Joel: I'm not really sure what you're asking.
Patrick: Oh, thanks...
Clementine: You're not a stalker, or anything, right?
Joel: I'm not a stalker. YOU'RE the one that talked to me, remember?
Clementine: That is the oldest trick in the stalker book.
Joel: Really? There's a stalker book? Great, I gotta read that one.
Clementine: [Clementine has dyed her hair orange] You like? To match my sweatshirt, exactly.
Joel: Ahaaahhhhh! Ohhhhhh! I like it!
Clementine: You do?
Joel: You look like a tangerine!
Clementine: Hmmm, Clementine the tangerine.
Joel: Juicy... 'n seedless.
Clementine: I like that.
Mary: I wanted to understand as much as I could about the procedure as possible... I think it's important for my job to understand the inner workings of the work that we do, well not that I do, but the work that is done by people where I also work, the work of my colleagues.
[Joel calls Clem on the telephone]
Clementine: What took you so long?
Joel: I just walked in.
Clementine: Do you miss me?
Joel: Oddly enough, I do!
Clementine: You said "I do" - I guess that means we're married!
Joel: I guess so!
Carrie: I saw you talking to someone pretty!
Rob: Yeah, man, who was that?
Joel: She was... just a girl.
Frank: The only Valentine's Day cards I get are from my mother. How pathetic is that?
Clementine: I would like you to call me. Would you do that? I'd like it.
Clementine: I'm a vindictive little bitch, truth be told!
Joel: I think your name is magical.
Clementine: You're really nice... God, I have to stop saying that!
Joel: I had a really nice time last night.
Joel: I had the best fucking night of my entire fucking life, last night!
Clementine: Thaaaat's better!
Clementine: You don't tell me things, Joel. I'm an open book. I tell you everything, every damn, embarrassing thing.
Joel: Yeah Tangerine?
Clementine: Am I ugly?
Clementine: When I was a kid, I thought I was. I can't believe I'm crying already. Sometimes I think people don't understand how lonely it is to be a kid, like you don't matter. So, I'm eight, and I have these toys, these dolls. My favorite is this ugly girl doll who I call Clementine, and I keep yelling at her, "You can't be ugly! Be pretty!" It's weird, like if I can transform her, I would magically change, too.
Joel: [kisses Clementine] You're pretty.
Clementine: Joely, don't ever leave me.
Joel: You're pretty... you're pretty... pretty...
Clementine: I apply my personality in a paste.
Joel: If only I could meet someone new. I guess my chances of that happening are somewhat diminished, seeing that I'm incapable of making eye contact with a woman I don't know.
Mary: Adults are, like, this mess of sadness and phobias.
Joel: [on tape recording] And the whole thing with the hair - it's all bullshit.
Joel: I really like your hair.
Clementine: Thank you.
Hollis: Don't be a monster, Howard. Tell the poor girl. You can have him, sweetie. You did.
Joel: [talking to Clementine in the train] Sorry, I'm just... trying to be nice.
Joel: He's seducing my girlfriend with MY words and MY things! He stole her underwear! Jesus Christ, he stole her underwear.
[Clementine comes in drunk and collapses on the couch. Joel has been sitting up and reading; his voice is angry]
Joel: It's 3 o'clock.
Clementine: I kinda sorta wrecked your car.
Joel: You were driving drunk. It's pathetic.
Clementine: I was a little tipsy. Don't call me pathetic.
Joel: Well, it *is* pathetic. And it's fucking irresponsible. You could've killed somebody. I don't know, maybe you did kill somebody. Should we turn on the news and see? Should I check the grille to see if there's children or small animals?
Clementine: And in your little brain. You try to figure out, "Did she fuck someone tonight?"
Joel: No, see Clem. I assume you fucked someone tonight. Isn't that how you get people to like you?
Clementine: Ouch. Ow my ass.
Clementine: I'm Clementine. Can I... borrow a piece of your chicken?
Joel: And then you just took it... without waiting for an answer. It was so intimate; like we were already lovers.
Joel: It's goddamn freezing on this beach. Montauk in February, brilliant, Joel.
Howard: [overlapping speech] We'll dispose of these mementos when we're done here, that way you won't be confused by their unexplainable presence in your home.
Clementine: I don't need nice. I don't need myself to be it, and I don't need anybody else to be it at me.
Joel: What a loss to spend that much time with someone, only to find out that she's a stranger.