Jack Tanner: I think all the chemicals from that beauty salon have gotten to your head.
Mooney: It's a *day spa*, you fuck.
[Mooney hesitates a bit, then shows Tanner Ryan's Cell Phone, front facing Tanner's face]
Jessica Martin: When I didn't show up for work today someone called the police, I'm sure.
Greer: You better hope they didn't.
[Talking to the fake Jessica Martin]
Mooney: We had a report of a possible kidnapping. You haven't been kidnapped today, have you?
Ryan: You know, it does me no good to hand over the video tape and then you guys turn around and take us out.
Greer: I swore I wouldn't do that.
Ryan: Like you swore "to protect and serve"?
[Mooney shoots someone for the first time in his entire career]
Mooney: 27 years. 27 years without this shit!
[Greer has Ryan pinned down and is about to shoot him]
Mooney: Let him up.
[Greer looks up and sees Mooney pointing a gun at him]
Ryan: Help me. They're dirty cops!
Greer: He attacked my partner. He tried to kill me.
Mooney: I said, "Let him up."
Greer: You're going to believe this lying piece of shit over a cop?
Mooney: It doesn't matter what I believe. What's important is that you believe I will put a bullet in your skull if you don't let him up.
Jessica Martin: I don't know if there's anything I could ever do to thank you
Ryan: I do. Don't ever call me again.
Chad: [greeting girls at the pier] Hey Chloe. Sam. Friend with nipples.
Chad: [seeing Ryan with a box of fliers to pass out] Haha - that sucks.
[Ryan shoves the box at him]
Chad: No way! This sucks more!
WLSUU2 Lawyer: [trying to get his car out of the impound lot] Okay, fine... I'm getting out my checkbook. Who do I make it out to? "Lady Who Sucks?"
[after slashing a kidnapper's arm with a shard of glass]
Jessica Martin: Tenth grade biology. Brachial artery... pumps 30 liters of blood a minute. There's only five in the human body. I'm sorry.
Ryan: It's Chloe!
Chad: No, dude, don't do this! Don't do this!
Ryan: I'm just gonna say "hi."
Chad: You're not gonna say "hi."
Ryan: No "hi"?
Chad: No "hi."
Ryan: I can't say...
Chad: [shouts] Come on, man! Hold it together! This girl, she *dumped* you, all right? Have some self-respect, have some dignity!
Ryan: You're right.
Chad: Be strong.
Ryan: You're right.
Ryan: Thank you.
Chad: All right.
[he gets distracted by girls in bikinis]
Chad: Oh! What's goin' on, ladies?
[Ryan leaves to go talk to Chloe]
Ryan: [Ryan and Ethan are discussing a place to meet] Santa Monica Pier.
Ethan: No, too busy.
Ryan: Yeah, that's kind of the idea, dickhead.
[talking to Ryan on a payphone]
Chad: Dude, I have no idea what just happened. One minute I'm talking to nipples, next thing you know, I'm wearing a whale costume handing out flyers.
Ryan: [laughs] That sucks. Sounds like she got you.
Chad: I mean, I'm not saying it doesn't have its benefits.
[to two girls that pass him by]
Chad: Hey, you guys know that a blue whale's got an 11-foot penis? Heal the Bay.
Ryan: Excuse me, are you a detective?
Detective Looking Guy: Detective? I'm a freaking victim here. Detective? Those freaks dragged me down here. And they're supposed to read me my rights.
[Ryan takes off]
Detective Looking Guy: And they - hey, where you going, you little punk?
[Ryan accidentally dials an artist on a payphone at Santa Monica Pier trying to reach Jessica's kidnappers]
Ryan: I got what you're looking for.
Vietnamese Artist: Oh?
Vietnamese Artist: Okay, and what I do for it?
Vietnamese Artist: What I do for what I looking for? You tell me now.
Ryan: Wait, who's this? What number did I call?
Vietnamese Artist: You call me on the payphone. You waste my time. I have pictures to draw.
Ryan: Whoa, whoa, whoa, dude. Chill out.
Vietnamese Artist: No, you don't tell me what to chill. My mother tell me to chill. I sit here, I draw people telling me to chill out all the time. You don't tell me what to chill. I chill you.
Ethan: [on walkie talkie] We found him yet?
Dmitri: No, I don't see him.
Ethan: He's the one on the cell phone, you idiot.
[looks through his binoculars and sees various people on cell phones]
Dmitri: Everybody's on a cell phone.
WLSUU2 Lawyer: [Talking on his cell phone] I'm tellin' ya, I'm sitting in it right now. It's a brand new Porsche Carrera. The partners gave it to me. Mm-Hm, sugar. Brand new, arctic blue convertible. It goes zero to 60 in 5.2 seconds. Takes the girls' panties down in 3.5 seconds.
[Phone line gets suddenly disrupted by Jessica and Ryan]
WLSUU2 Lawyer: Hey, this is a private call. Get off my line! Mom, are you still there?
WLSUU2 Lawyer: [after Ryan swerves his car in front of him] What the hell is your problem, man? What the hell is your problem? You want to tussle?
Ryan: [pulls out his gun] Give me your phone!
WLSUU2 Lawyer: Oh snaps.
Ryan: Look, give me your phone or I shoot your car.
WLSUU2 Lawyer: Oh, hell no, hell no. Why would you do something awful like that?
Ryan: [after shooting the number taker in the store] Now who's gonna give me that goddamn charger?
Ricky Martin: Mom, will you still be a science teacher when I get into high school?
Jessica Martin: Hmm... You never know. Why?
Ricky Martin: 'Cause I think it'd be kind of weird to have your mom as a teacher.
Ryan: From here on out, you do as I say, exactly as I say. Or I slap this bitch on "Nightline" and call it a day, okay?
Jessica Martin: [screaming and crying] You've got the wrong family! You've got the wrong family!