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The Surreal Life (TV Series 2003– ) Poster

(2003– )

Quotes

Flavor Flav: Flavor Flav!

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Dave Coulier: [on meeting his housemates] I had to learn two new languages that day - Charo and Flavor Flav!

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Charo: [trying to get out of Flava Flav's arms in bed] Uh-uh, no spooning. Because spooning leads to forking.

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Da Brat: I'm thinkin' I'm in the Twilight Zone.

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Dave Coulier: We live in a circus.

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Charo: The first impression I get when I walk into this house is Liberace with diarrhea, 1940.

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Charo: [on meeting Flavor Flav] The first few minutes, I didn't put it together that it was Flavor Flake.

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Ryan Starr: It's not like you're ugly or anything.

Jordan Knight: [sarcastically] Oh, thanks for tellin' me I ain't ugly.

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Flavor Flav: Let me hear ya'll say 'Yeeeeeeaaaaaah, booooooyyyyyeeeee'!

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Charo: [about Ryan Starr] She didn't want to sleep with Brigitte Nielsen because she's a crazy bitch.

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Charo: [about Flavor Flav] I am psychic, and whatever he's telling me, I know he's full of sh*t.

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[Flavor Flav sees Brigitte Nielson holding the dog while topless]

Flavor Flav: What are you doing, breast feeding the dog?

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Charo: I'm walking around and I see Brigitte Neilsen with her big tits hanging around.

[Screams]

Charo: Oh my God. I hope she doesn't think this is a surreal porno.

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[Dave Coulier shows Flavor Flav a pair of binoculars]

Flavor Flav: You can go and sneak up on Brigitte cause she be having the knockers laying down on her chest, kid. For real.

[Looks through binoculars]

Flavor Flav: Uh oh, Brigitte, I see you, G.

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Charo: Charo:

[about her first conversation with Flavor Flav]

Charo: I'm psychic. So, I know whatever he's telling, he's full of shit.

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Charo: [the cast has just learned they will be assisting parapsychologist Dr. Larry Montz in determining if an abandoned mental hospital is haunted] People alive don't understand me. How in the world a ghost is going to understand me?

Dr. Larry Montz: Because they communicate more telepathically than verbally, so they're not going to be worried about your accent.

Charo: Oh.

[Laughs nervously]

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Charo: [while standing in an elevator shaft where a patient was allegedly crushed to death] I hear the guy, okay? I'm sorry for him, but I want... I... I want to be alive.

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Charo: [On being separated from Jordan to go investigate the electroshock therapy room] If you leave me here alone that's the end of my... of me. I'm a chicken, Doctor. I have a big mouth that's all it is, but I'm a chicken.

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Charo: [after seeing the electric chair in the electroshock therapy room] I was terrified to see the electric chair. You know why? Think about it! How many people been electrified in this chair. It's not a toy. It's the chair that alot of people have been sit down there, close their eyes and get roasted.

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M.C. Hammer: Even if I did have the worst upset stomach, it would have been done in 5 minutes. I'm a professional.

Corey Feldman: Your a professional crapper?

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Jordan Knight: This is just woman drama.

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Dave Coulier: Brigitte is marching to the tune of her own drum, and that drummer has no clothes on.

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Dave Coulier: So Flav is planning on driving today.

Charo: Do you have a life insurance?

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Ryan Starr: [crying, whining] This is American Idol all over again!

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Brigitte Nielsen: [after looking at Flavor Flav's gold teeth] That is ridiculous.

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Adrianne Curry: I think it's time for us to get naked!

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Verne Troyer: [after seeing Adrianne naked, under sushi] I thought... wow... Jesus... this is heaven.

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Adrianne Curry: [sees Verne really weird] Verne... Verne... I'm gonna leave water here.

Verne Troyer: [moans] Okay.

[moans again]

Adrianne Curry: That was pretty uncomfortable... it was kind of... orgasmic moaning.

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Jane Wiedlin: [Chyna Doll says she's leaving] Are you on crack? You can't leave!

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Christopher Knight: [making a movie] Jane... I don't think there's time for that. We should just get to rehearsing.

Jane Wiedlin: [annoyed] Okay, Chris, I know you're trying to help and you've had more experience in directing than I've had... but if you could butt out, that be nice.

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Marcus Schenkenberg: [Jokingly] Go ahead, hitch a ride.

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Vanilla Ice: [after someone rejects their cookies] We're in the middle of fucking America lady! Buy some fucking cookies!

Tammy Faye Bakker: Oh God.

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Joanie Laurer: I'm so fucking happy Sean! Sweeping me off my feet!

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Adrianne Curry: [about a scene in The Seven Samurais of Death between her and Christopher Knight] The script called for a kiss. But there was a lot of tongue involved.

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Adrianne Curry: We're goin' on a farm, and we're gooooin' campin'.

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Jane Wiedlin: Pain killers for everyone!

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Marcus Schenkenberg: This is salty, like the pee of my sister!

Adrianne Curry: ...

Marcus Schenkenberg: I'm just guessing.

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Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth: Let me be the first to tell you that Jose has a wonderful ass.

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Janice Dickinson: Who wants to do the nasty nasty in the phone booth?

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Bronson Pinchot: The last time I saw a cowboy with that many tattoos, I was at a Cher concert!

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Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth: [about Janice] The woman is just, ugh, I feel so bad for her children.

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Janice Dickinson: [to a mentally-challenged person] Hey, Rain Man!

Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth: I can not even *fathom* someone making fun of a mentally-challenged person.

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Janice Dickinson: Omarosa, the whore!

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Janice Dickinson: Omarosa comes walking out like she's some kind of supermodel! Omarosa looks like Rick James' Siamese twin.

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Sandra 'Pepa' Denton: You can push it, but ya better not push me.

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Janice Dickinson: [Omarosa sprays mousse in her hand, startling Janice] I thought something came out of her ass... like a poopy fart.

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Jose Canseco: [jokingly] Oh, yes. I think I'm going to have to victimize these ladies.

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Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth: So you don't have a temper?

Jose Canseco: Not at all.

Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth: Well, I do.

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Jose Canseco: [while getting dressed for a strip show, Jose decides to put on something tiny that will reveal his genitals] I'll wear this.

Caprice Bourret: That's gonna go over your wiener?

Caprice Bourret: You sure you wanna go there?

Jose Canseco: If I'm gonna strip, I at least have to do it right.

Caprice Bourret: Jose is definitely not afraid to show his female side.

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Janice Dickinson: [Bronson is drilling nails] You're not drilling hard enough.

Bronson Pinchot: You know what, you said that to me last night... and it's very insulting.

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Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth: [about Jose] My, my, what steroids can do to a body! That man is *hot*!

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Bronson Pinchot: [about Janice] This is a *plastic* vagina. Get a real vagina!

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Janice Dickinson: Orgasm! Orgasm!

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Carey Hart: I've, pretty much, been naked for the whole show.

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Jose Canseco: We are in deep... deep... *deep* shit.

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Caprice Bourret: [as Bronson spoons her] Get your wiener away!

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Sandra 'Pepa' Denton: Yeah, well, that's Janice. You never know where or *when* she's gonna stop!

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Janice Dickinson: [about Omarosa] She looked like Mr. Ed on crack.

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Ron Jeremy: So, I'm gonna throw a party for a bunch of my porn star friends!

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Traci Bingham: Trishelle, sweetie, I don't think you're grown up enough to have a life style - but I do.

Trishelle Cannatella: Whatever, bitch.

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Erik Estrada: I am *so* happy to be leaving this house.

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Janice Dickinson: [to the guy at McDonald's] Don't tell anyone that I eat this stuff, it'll ruin my image. Although, my friend Naomi Campbell loves to eat here.

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Bronson Pinchot: Have you ever had an abdomen massage?

Caprice Bourret: No. I think it's weird.

Bronson Pinchot: First time for everything...

Caprice Bourret: No. It's weird.

Bronson Pinchot: Come on, just turn over.

Caprice Bourret: Weird.

Bronson Pinchot: Please?

Caprice Bourret: Weird.

Bronson Pinchot: What about now?

Caprice Bourret: Super weird.

Bronson Pinchot: Don't you want a massage?

Caprice Bourret: Super weird.

Bronson Pinchot: Do you want a massage... now?

Caprice Bourret: No. You're a freak.

Bronson Pinchot: Come on, Caprice!

Caprice Bourret: Freak.

Bronson Pinchot: All right, I'm coming down.

Caprice Bourret: You're a freak.

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Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth: [oft-repeated line directed at Janice] Crack whore!

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Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth: [uncomfortable because Janice holds the prop knife over her in the photo shoot] Back the fuck up!

Janice Dickinson: I'm not - I'm not - I'm not backing up. I never said the F word.

Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth: You let a crackhead play with a knife over here.

Janice Dickinson: Excuse me? You know what? Who's the crackhead here? It's just a joke.

Bronson Pinchot: Careful!

Janice Dickinson: Like your wedding dress.

Bronson Pinchot: Leave her alone!

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Da Brat: MiniMe is in the corner naked. Peeing.

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Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth: [after causing Janice Dickinson to have a breakdown and subsquently leave the house] Gurl, SEE YA!

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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