Memorable quotes for
"The Surreal Life" (2003) More at IMDbPro »

Flavor Flav: Flavor Flav!

---

Dave Coulier: [on meeting his housemates] I had to learn two new languages that day - Charo and Flavor Flav!

---

Charo: [trying to get out of Flava Flav's arms in bed] Uh-uh, no spooning. Because spooning leads to forking.

---

Da Brat: I'm thinkin' I'm in the Twilight Zone.

---

Dave Coulier: We live in a circus.

---

Charo: The first impression I get when I walk into this house is Liberace with diarrhea, 1940.

---

Charo: [on meeting Flavor Flav] The first few minutes, I didn't put it together that it was Flavor Flake.

---

Ryan Starr: It's not like you're ugly or anything.
Jordan Knight: [sarcastically] Oh, thanks for tellin' me I ain't ugly.

---

Flavor Flav: Let me hear ya'll say 'Yeeeeeeaaaaaah, booooooyyyyyeeeee'!

---

Charo: [about Ryan Starr] She didn't want to sleep with Brigitte Nielsen because she's a crazy bitch.

---

Charo: [about Flavor Flav] I am psychic, and whatever he's telling me, I know he's full of sh*t.

---

[Flavor Flav sees Brigitte Nielson holding the dog while topless]
Flavor Flav: What are you doing, breast feeding the dog?

---

Charo: I'm walking around and I see Brigitte Neilsen with her big tits hanging around.
[Screams]
Charo: Oh my God. I hope she doesn't think this is a surreal porno.

---

[Dave Coulier shows Flavor Flav a pair of binoculars]
Flavor Flav: You can go and sneak up on Brigitte cause she be having the knockers laying down on her chest, kid. For real.
[Looks through binoculars]
Flavor Flav: Uh oh, Brigitte, I see you, G.

---

Charo: Charo:
[about her first conversation with Flavor Flav]
Charo: I'm psychic. So, I know whatever he's telling, he's full of shit.

---

Charo: [the cast has just learned they will be assisting parapsychologist Dr. Larry Montz in determining if an abandoned mental hospital is haunted] People alive don't understand me. How in the world a ghost is going to understand me?
Dr. Larry Montz: Because they communicate more telepathically than verbally, so they're not going to be worried about your accent.
Charo: Oh.
[Laughs nervously]

---

Charo: [while standing in an elevator shaft where a patient was allegedly crushed to death] I hear the guy, okay? I'm sorry for him, but I want... I... I want to be alive.

---

Charo: [On being separated from Jordan to go investigate the electroshock therapy room] If you leave me here alone that's the end of my... of me. I'm a chicken, Doctor. I have a big mouth that's all it is, but I'm a chicken.

---

Charo: [after seeing the electric chair in the electroshock therapy room] I was terrified to see the electric chair. You know why? Think about it! How many people been electrified in this chair. It's not a toy. It's the chair that alot of people have been sit down there, close their eyes and get roasted.

---

M.C. Hammer: Even if I did have the worst upset stomach, it would have been done in 5 minutes. I'm a professional.
Corey Feldman: Your a professional crapper?

---

Jordan Knight: This is just woman drama.

---

Dave Coulier: Brigitte is marching to the tune of her own drum, and that drummer has no clothes on.

---

Dave Coulier: So Flav is planning on driving today.
Charo: Do you have a life insurance?

---

Ryan Starr: [crying, whining] This is American Idol all over again!

---

Brigitte Nielsen: [after looking at Flavor Flav's gold teeth] That is ridiculous.

---

Adrianne Curry: I think it's time for us to get naked!

---

Verne Troyer: [after seeing Adrianne naked, under sushi] I thought... wow... Jesus... this is heaven.

---

Adrianne Curry: [sees Verne really weird] Verne... Verne... I'm gonna leave water here.
Verne Troyer: [moans] Okay.
[moans again]
Adrianne Curry: That was pretty uncomfortable... it was kind of... orgasmic moaning.

---

Jane Wiedlin: [Chyna Doll says she's leaving] Are you on crack? You can't leave!

---

Christopher Knight: [making a movie] Jane... I don't think there's time for that. We should just get to rehearsing.
Jane Wiedlin: [annoyed] Okay, Chris, I know you're trying to help and you've had more experience in directing than I've had... but if you could butt out, that be nice.

---

Marcus Schenkenberg: [Jokingly] Go ahead, hitch a ride.

---

Vanilla Ice: [after someone rejects their cookies] We're in the middle of fucking America lady! Buy some fucking cookies!
Tammy Faye Bakker: Oh God.

---

Joanie Laurer: I'm so fucking happy Sean! Sweeping me off my feet!

---

Adrianne Curry: [about a scene in The Seven Samurais of Death between her and Christopher Knight] The script called for a kiss. But there was a lot of tongue involved.

---

Adrianne Curry: We're goin' on a farm, and we're gooooin' campin'.

---

Jane Wiedlin: Pain killers for everyone!

---

Marcus Schenkenberg: This is salty, like the pee of my sister!
Adrianne Curry: ...
Marcus Schenkenberg: I'm just guessing.

---

Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth: Let me be the first to tell you that Jose has a wonderful ass.

---

Janice Dickinson: Who wants to do the nasty nasty in the phone booth?

---

Bronson Pinchot: The last time I saw a cowboy with that many tattoos, I was at a Cher concert!

---

Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth: [about Janice] The woman is just, ugh, I feel so bad for her children.

---

Janice Dickinson: [to a mentally-challenged person] Hey, Rain Man!
Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth: I can not even *fathom* someone making fun of a mentally-challenged person.

---

Janice Dickinson: Omarosa, the whore!

---

Janice Dickinson: Omarosa comes walking out like she's some kind of supermodel! Omarosa looks like Rick James' Siamese twin.

---

Sandra 'Pepa' Denton: You can push it, but ya better not push me.

---

Janice Dickinson: [Omarosa sprays mousse in her hand, startling Janice] I thought something came out of her ass... like a poopy fart.

---

Jose Canseco: [jokingly] Oh, yes. I think I'm going to have to victimize these ladies.

---

Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth: So you don't have a temper?
Jose Canseco: Not at all.
Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth: Well, I do.

---

Jose Canseco: [while getting dressed for a strip show, Jose decides to put on something tiny that will reveal his genitals] I'll wear this.
Caprice Bourret: That's gonna go over your wiener?
Caprice Bourret: You sure you wanna go there?
Jose Canseco: If I'm gonna strip, I at least have to do it right.
Caprice Bourret: Jose is definitely not afraid to show his female side.

---

Janice Dickinson: [Bronson is drilling nails] You're not drilling hard enough.
Bronson Pinchot: You know what, you said that to me last night... and it's very insulting.

---

Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth: [about Jose] My, my, what steroids can do to a body! That man is *hot*!

---

Bronson Pinchot: [about Janice] This is a *plastic* vagina. Get a real vagina!

---

Janice Dickinson: Orgasm! Orgasm!

---

Carey Hart: I've, pretty much, been naked for the whole show.

---

Jose Canseco: We are in deep... deep... *deep* shit.

---

Caprice Bourret: [as Bronson spoons her] Get your wiener away!

---

Sandra 'Pepa' Denton: Yeah, well, that's Janice. You never know where or *when* she's gonna stop!

---

Janice Dickinson: [about Omarosa] She looked like Mr. Ed on crack.

---

Ron Jeremy: So, I'm gonna throw a party for a bunch of my porn star friends!

---

Traci Bingham: Trishelle, sweetie, I don't think you're grown up enough to have a life style - but I do.
Trishelle Cannatella: Whatever, bitch.

---

Erik Estrada: I am *so* happy to be leaving this house.

---

Janice Dickinson: [to the guy at McDonald's] Don't tell anyone that I eat this stuff, it'll ruin my image. Although, my friend Naomi Campbell loves to eat here.

---

Bronson Pinchot: Have you ever had an abdomen massage?
Caprice Bourret: No. I think it's weird.
Bronson Pinchot: First time for everything...
Caprice Bourret: No. It's weird.
Bronson Pinchot: Come on, just turn over.
Caprice Bourret: Weird.
Bronson Pinchot: Please?
Caprice Bourret: Weird.
Bronson Pinchot: What about now?
Caprice Bourret: Super weird.
Bronson Pinchot: Don't you want a massage?
Caprice Bourret: Super weird.
Bronson Pinchot: Do you want a massage... now?
Caprice Bourret: No. You're a freak.
Bronson Pinchot: Come on, Caprice!
Caprice Bourret: Freak.
Bronson Pinchot: All right, I'm coming down.
Caprice Bourret: You're a freak.

---

Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth: [oft-repeated line directed at Janice] Crack whore!

---

Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth: [uncomfortable because Janice holds the prop knife over her in the photo shoot] Back the fuck up!
Janice Dickinson: I'm not - I'm not - I'm not backing up. I never said the F word.
Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth: You let a crackhead play with a knife over here.
Janice Dickinson: Excuse me? You know what? Who's the crackhead here? It's just a joke.
Bronson Pinchot: Careful!
Janice Dickinson: Like your wedding dress.
Bronson Pinchot: Leave her alone!

---

Da Brat: MiniMe is in the corner naked. Peeing.

---

Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth: [after causing Janice Dickinson to have a breakdown and subsquently leave the house] Gurl, SEE YA!

---

Related Links

Plot summary	Plot keywords	User comments
Trivia	Main details	IMDb quotes browser
Search quotes section
Browse titles with quotes by letter    A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Other