A Film So Bad You'd Think It Was Directed By The Kray Twins
This had all the makings of a classic Brit flick crime classic . The Richardsons were an infamous gang from South London who had had a reputation for torturing people via pulling their teeth out with pliers and sticking electrodes to sensitive parts of the body . Violently fierce rivals to the Krays they never really stayed in the public consciousness . The Krays were violent flamboyant homosexuals and the Richardsons weren't . This film tries to change all that
Steven Berkoff played Charlie Richardson in a previous film MCVICAR though he had a name change . The Richardsons also appeared in the 1990 biopic THE KRAYS though strangely again they had a name change to the Pelhams . You might remember the scenes they featured in because Berkoff minced around so blatantly he was camper than a row of pink tents . You can't help wondering if Berkoff done this on purpose because he was upset that a couple of pretty boy pop stars the Kemps got star billing and so decided to totally ruin the film by his performance . Considering CHARLIE stars Luke Goss one half of that bloody dreadful manufactured i5 minutes of famers undertalented pop group Bros one wonders what sort of hysterical acting atrocity Berkoff will unleash upon the suffering audience ? Believe it or not Berkoff is the least worst thing about the film
Watching Luke Goss play a violent London gangster is like watching Paterson Joseph play Adolph Hitler in DER UNTERGANG . He has all the menace of a poodle with distemper . In his defence he's not helped by the director Malcolm Needs who's so incompetent the name Special Needs would be more suitable . This alternative universe vision of England seems to be populated by parodies of " cor blimey guv " cockneys or posh people who all speak like Claude Rains in THE INVISIBLE MAN . They're all invariable camp too . Imagine a bunch of Anglican carol singers beating the living daylights out of one another while whispering the F and C words and you just begin to get the flavour of this movie and its graphic scenes of gangland violence . When you've got Mad Frankie Fraser portrayed by someone who thinks he's playing Edmund in the original series of THE BLACK ADDER something has gone wrong somewhere
Words rarely fail me . Adjectives have not yet been invented to describe this Brit crime flick . It features Leslie Grantham in a small role and one wonders if he dressed up as Captain Hook and got a little bit naughty over the internet with a tabloid journalist was to deflect attention that he appeared in this film . Let this be a warning to the rest of the human species - you misbehave , you commit murder , maiming and mutilation , you commit crimes against humanity then Malcolm Special Needs will be making a biopic on you starring next years winner of THE X FACTOR . You have been warned
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