Çöl (1983) Poster

(1983)

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4/10
" Zombi 64: The Death Shark Massacre " ?
Zbigniew_Krycsiwiki6 July 2016
Warning: Spoilers
The opening title sequence looks as though it was edited with a stapler and scissors, as we watch motorcycle guy driving somewhere, as barely legible red titles, seemingly swaying in the breeze, appear against a black background. The motorcycle, and imitation Whole Lotta Love-clone song, abruptly starts and stops whenever the titles appeared. Motorcycle guy arrives at a bar, fights, drinks, and is nearly run over by a car, in one of the most poorly edited (yet unintentionally funny) scenes I've seen in quite a while. It really looks like a moustachioed guy gets into a red car, but changes into a dark haired girl in a blue car, straight from a demolition derby, who tries to run down motorcycle guy.

When the soundtrack isn't ripping off Led Zeppelin, Eye Of The Tiger is played repeatedly throughout the opening moments, leading me to wonder if this is supposed to be a *feel good* movie, or did the filmmakers just really enjoy those particular tunes?

Plot is a largely incomprehensible affair, with motorcycle guy kicking massive amounts of ass (for some reason), on land, and later, aboard a ship. His enemies eventually get the better of him, and tie him to a broken piece of wood, and throw him overboard. Then, 67 minutes into this barely 76 minutes-long movie, an incredibly poor model shark is briefly glimpsed, motorcycle guy stabs him repeatedly with a shard of wood, and 69 minutes into this movie, the shark sinks into the ocean, and dies.

This movie is, in some territories, advertised as being a shark flick, even being bootlegged under the title, Turkish Jaws, (although there is no evidence to support IMDb's ludicrous claim of it being released in Turkmenistan as a sequel to Zombi ), because of that poorly done, two minutes-long scene, in which the shark kills no one. So much for it being a " massacre ", and the only * death * involved is its own.

This does have some good action scenes, but some are drawn out to the point of absurdity, while the very attractive brunette shows off her body at every opportunity, but the film gets tiresome after the first 30 minutes. The fact that it apparently is available only in an unsubtitled Turkish doesn't help, either.
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5/10
Not really Jaws
BandSAboutMovies17 September 2020
Warning: Spoilers
While this movie is known by many as the Turkish Jaws, it really has nothing to do with that movie other than a shark attack - and of course, the ripped off theme song - near the end of the movie.

If this movie is about the ocean, why is it called Desert? That's because the title was supposed to be The Blue Desert, but the printer making the posters coudn't understand how a desert could be blue, so he just cut the title to Çöl. The filmmakers couldn't afford to print more, so that's how we got here.

Çetin Inanc directs Cunyet Arkin again in this film that has him playing a supercop and Emel Tümer being as gorgeous as she always is. However, there is some betrayal in this one that makes this more a tragedy than most of Arkin's films.

If you're looking for ripped off music, good news. The theme from Psycho? It's in here. Songs from Enter the Dragon? Yeah. How about a flute cover of Whole Lotta Love that plays over and over, only to be interrupted by just as many repeat plays of Eye of the Tiger? You know you want it.

I've never been let down by any movie that Arkin has been in. He's like the film analogue of grain alcohol. It's not fancy, but you're guaranteed to get black out drunk.
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