Emmett: You fall asleep during the West Wing.
Elle: Yeah, but have you seen what they're wearing?
Elle: Hello, Patriots! I don't think I've been this excited since Gucci became a publicly-traded company.
Timothy McGinn: Oh my God, it's capital Barbie.
Reena: She's so... shiny.
Congresswoman: [looking over her new hairdo] You have the full support of the Sunshine State!
Paulette: Yay for Ohio!
Elle: Hi everyone!
Timothy McGinn: Look, it's Capitol Barbie.
Reena: She's so shiny.
Paulette: Ooh... the bend and snap! I did that last night naked. I broke a window though.
Paulette: You look like the Fourth of July! Makes me want a hot dog real bad!
Emmett: You know what I thought when I first met you?
Elle: God, that woman wears a lot of pink?
Elle: So speak up, America. Speak up for the home of the brave. Speak up for the land of the free gift with purchase. Speak up, America!
Elle: I don't think I've been this excited since Gucci became a publicly traded company!
Elle: I didn't know I could be this happy without incurring credit card debt!
Elle: Paulette, I taught Bruiser to shop online, I think I can handle congress.
Elle: I have always respected redheads as members of a hair color minority.
Elle: Ughhh. All day long I felt like white open-toed shoes after Labor Day.
Sid: I hate that feeling, whatever that means.
Dog Spa receptionist: Your dogs are gay!
Elle: Oh, my God. I almost forgot.
Detective Finchley: You want me to what?
Elle: A biological birth parent search.
Detective Finchley: For your dog?
Elle: For my Chihuahua-American Bruiser Woods. I found him abandoned years ago.
Detective Finchley: Miss, I'm the highest-paid most sought after private investigator in the greater Boston area.
Elle: And that's precisely why we came to you, Detective. It is absolutely vital that we find Bruiser's mother, and pronto. His father might be a little more difficult. You know dogs.
Detective Finchley: May I ask why?
Elle: Of course. "Martha Stewart Weddings" recommends a 4 to 6-week window for RSVPs and naturally I can't send the invitation without an address. And the sooner I get started on all that calligraphy, really, the better.
Detective Finchley: You wanna send an invitation to your wedding to your dog' mother. Are you serious?
Elle: Detective, if I have to make room for my second cousin's vegan diet coach, you better believe I'm gonna make room for the mother of the one loving creature who's always been there for me. In fact, I can't believe I haven't done this sooner.
Detective Finchley: I'm thinking the same thing.
V.E.R.S.A.C.E. tagline on website: We test makeup on animals, so you don't have to.
Lady at Versace: You've got the wrong Versace.
Security Guard: No, ma'am. Unless you have a pass, you cannot go up there.
Elle: Lucky I always keep it on me. Hold on. It's right here. There you go.
Security Guard: What is it?
Elle: It's my double platinium VVIP VERSACE Preferred Customer identification card, of course. Available only to those that have shopped on at least five continents. If that fails to satisfy you, you can also contact Billy Dailey, head of customer relations.
Security Guard: You got the wrong VERSACE, lady.
Elle: Really? So Donatella's not here?
Elle: Oh, Bruiser! Your mother lives at the top secret VERSACE think-tank. I told you they had one.
Rep. Rudd: Don't worry Bob I'll get her. And her little dog too.
Emmett: Elle I don't care where I marry just as long as I do. I do... I do... feels good.
Elle: Who wants to talk animal testing?
Timothy McGinn: Write a bill, Britney.
Stanford Marks: You're the girl with the perfumed poo-poo bags, aren't you?
Elle: Actually I'm the woman with the scented waste receptacles, but yes
[Elle first arrives in Washington DC]
Sid: Welcome, to the Wellington, ma'am.
Elle: It's a thrill to be here.
Elle: I'm here to speak for those who can't speak for themselves.