Paulette: Ooh... the bend and snap! I did that last night naked. I broke a window though.
Congresswoman: [looking over her new hairdo] You have the full support of the Sunshine State!
Paulette: Yay for Ohio!
Dog Spa receptionist: Your dogs are gay!
Emmett: Elle I don't care where I marry just as long as I do. I do... I do... feels good.
Elle: I'm here to speak for those who can't speak for themselves.
Elle: Hello, Patriots! I don't think I've been this excited since Gucci became a publicly-traded company.
Timothy McGinn: Oh my God, it's capital Barbie.
Reena: She's so... shiny.
Elle: I didn't know I could be this happy without incurring credit card debt!
Elle: Ughhh. All day long I felt like white open-toed shoes after Labor Day.
Sid: I hate that feeling, whatever that means.
Elle: Oh, my God. I almost forgot.
Detective Finchley: You want me to what?
Elle: A biological birth parent search.
Detective Finchley: For your dog?
Elle: For my Chihuahua-American Bruiser Woods. I found him abandoned years ago.
Detective Finchley: Miss, I'm the highest-paid most sought after private investigator in the greater Boston area.
Elle: And that's precisely why we came to you, Detective. It is absolutely vital that we find Bruiser's mother, and pronto. His father might be a little more difficult. You know dogs.
Detective Finchley: May I ask why?
Elle: Of course. "Martha Stewart Weddings" recommends a 4 to 6-week window for RSVPs and naturally I can't send the invitation without an address. And the sooner I get started on all that calligraphy, really, the better.
Detective Finchley: You wanna send an invitation to your wedding to your dog' mother. Are you serious?
Elle: Detective, if I have to make room for my second cousin's vegan diet coach, you better believe I'm gonna make room for the mother of the one loving creature who's always been there for me. In fact, I can't believe I haven't done this sooner.
Detective Finchley: I'm thinking the same thing.
Elle: So speak up, America. Speak up for the home of the brave. Speak up for the land of the free gift with purchase. Speak up, America!
Paulette: You look like the Fourth of July! Makes me want a hot dog real bad!
Elle: Paulette, I taught Bruiser to shop online, I think I can handle congress.
V.E.R.S.A.C.E. tagline on website: We test makeup on animals, so you don't have to.
[Elle first arrives in Washington DC]
Sid: Welcome, to the Wellington, ma'am.
Elle: It's a thrill to be here.
Elle: I don't think I've been this excited since Gucci became a publicly traded company!
Elle: I have always respected redheads as members of a hair color minority.
Lady at Versace: You've got the wrong Versace.
Security Guard: No, ma'am. Unless you have a pass, you cannot go up there.
Elle: Lucky I always keep it on me. Hold on. It's right here. There you go.
Security Guard: What is it?
Elle: It's my double platinium VVIP VERSACE Preferred Customer identification card, of course. Available only to those that have shopped on at least five continents. If that fails to satisfy you, you can also contact Billy Dailey, head of customer relations.
Security Guard: You got the wrong VERSACE, lady.
Elle: Really? So Donatella's not here?
Elle: Oh, Bruiser! Your mother lives at the top secret VERSACE think-tank. I told you they had one.
Rep. Rudd: Don't worry Bob I'll get her. And her little dog too.
Stanford Marks: You're the girl with the perfumed poo-poo bags, aren't you?
Elle: Actually I'm the woman with the scented waste receptacles, but yes
Elle: You blocked this bill, nobody else and I want to know why.
Rep. Rudd: why? Why does anything happen in Washington, survival. You have no idea what it takes to get here, to stay here. The money it takes. And it just so happens my chief financial contributor happens to have purchased half-share in a major cosmetics company, and THEY want to continue testing on animals. So much so that they are willing to backroll my opponent in next years elections if I did not kill YOUR bill.
Elle: I trusted you. I looked up to you.
Rep. Rudd: I can't do anyone any good if I'm no longer here.
Elle: But you're not doing anybody any good. Nobody in your district. Not even yourself.