Quotes

Patti: Can you star-69 Italy?

Katherine: It's a nice little villa. Rather run down, but redeemable... Are you going to buy it?

Frances: The way my life is currently going, that would be a terrible idea.

Katherine: Mm, terrible idea... Don't you just love those?

Frances: I'll hire the muscular descendants of Roman gods to do the heavy lifting.

Patti: Think of your inner voice.

Frances: Inner voice... "What the fuck am I doing on a gay tour of Tuscany?"

Patti: Frances bought a house in Tuscany! And you're going to live there alone?

Frances: Well, I'm not there alone. I'm there with bugs.

Patti: Ew.

Frances: Do you know the most surprising thing about divorce? It doesn't actually kill you. Like a bullet to the heart or a head-on car wreck. It should. When someone you've promised to cherish till death do you part says "I never loved you," it should kill you instantly. You shouldn't have to wake up day after day after that, trying to understand how in the world you didn't know. The light just never went on, you know. I must have known, of course, but I was too scared to see the truth. Then fear just makes you so stupid.

Martini: No, it's not stupid, Signora Mayes. L'amore e cieco.

Frances: Oh, love is blind. Yeah, we have that saying too.

Martini: Everybody has that saying because it's true everywhere.

Martini: Signora. Please stop being so sad. If you continue like this, I will be forced to make love to you. And I've never been unfaithful to my wife.

Patti: I refuse to screw up your love life.

Frances: Don't be ridiculous, Patti. You are my love life.

Frances: This is really bad, isn't it?

Patti: Well, it's not good. Unless you want to give your ass a facial.

Frances: That's a contradiction in terms.

Patti: i guess it would be more like an Ass-cail

Frances: I'd like to make an offer on the house. This is what I can pay, minus the work on the place, and a rental car to drive off a cliff when this all turns out to have been a terrible mistake.

Frances: Do traffic lights mean anythng around here?

Marcello: Sure. Green light - avanti, avanti. Yellow light - decoration.

Frances: What about red light?

Marcello: Just a suggestion.

Pawel: [after Frances finds him and Chiara on her bed] Frances, please! We have nowhere to be together!

Frances: And what does that make me? Saint Francesca, patron saint of horny teenagers?

Frances: [narrating] So I was now the owner of a villa whose lands it would take two oxen two days to plow. Owning neither an ox nor a plow, I'd have to take their word for that.

Frances: What's your name?

Marcello: Marcello.

Frances: Of course it is.

Signora Raguzzi: It's a house, not a Vespa. What are you going to do, steal it?

Frances: What if this is it? The real thing?

Placido: What you speak of is only in fairy tales.

Frances: No, it's not!

Placido: And how do you know? From personal experience?

Frances: No. I looked, and I didn't find it. But that doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

Katherine: Listen, when I was a little girl I used to spend hours looking for ladybugs. Finally, I'd just give up and fall asleep in the grass. When I woke up, they were crawling all over me.

[last lines]

Frances: They say they built the train tracks over the alps between Vienna and Venice before there was a train that could make the trip... they built it anyway. They know one day the train would come. Any arbitrary turn along the way, and I would be elsewhere. I would be different. What are four walls anyway? They are what they contain. The house protects the dreamer. Unthinkably good things can happen... even late in the game. It's such a surprise.