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Under the Tuscan Sun (2003) Poster

Quotes

Frances: Do you know the most surprising thing about divorce? It doesn't actually kill you. Like a bullet to the heart or a head-on car wreck. It should. When someone you've promised to cherish till death do you part says "I never loved you," it should kill you instantly. You shouldn't have to wake up day after day after that, trying to understand how in the world you didn't know. The light just never went on, you know. I must have known, of course, but I was too scared to see the truth. Then fear just makes you so stupid.

Martini: No, it's not stupid, Signora Mayes. L'amore e cieco.

Frances: Oh, love is blind. Yeah, we have that saying too.

Martini: Everybody has that saying because it's true everywhere.

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[last lines]

Frances: What are four walls, anyway? They are what they contain. The house protects the dreamer. Unthinkably good things can happen, even late in the game. It's such a surprise.

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Frances: Do traffic lights mean anythng around here?

Marcello: Sure. Green light - avanti, avanti. Yellow light - decoration.

Frances: What about red light?

Marcello: Just a suggestion.

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Katherine: Never lose your childish innocence. It's the most important thing.

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Martini: Signora, between Austria and Italy, there is a section of the Alps called the Semmering. It is an impossibly steep, very high part of the mountains. They built a train track over these Alps to connect Vienna and Venice. They built these tracks even before there was a train in existence that could make the trip. They built it because they knew some day, the train would come.

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[last lines]

Frances: Unthinkably good things can happen even late in the game. It's such a surprise.

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Frances: Ladybugs, Katherine. Lots and lots of ladybugs.

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Frances: [in voiceover] Every day I watch for the old man with the flowers, and I wonder, was he born here? Did he love someone here? Did he lose someone here? He doesn't seem as curious about me, but that's all right. These days I'm something of a loner myself.

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Frances: [voiceover] What is it about love that makes us so stupid?

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Martini: Signora. Please stop being so sad. If you continue like this, I will be forced to make love to you. And I've never been unfaithful to my wife.

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Patti: I refuse to screw up your love life.

Frances: Don't be ridiculous, Patti. You are my love life.

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Frances: But, please tell the contessa that this is what I got for my house recently, in dollars, minus the work on the place, um... hammers, buckets, men,

[under her breath]

Frances: chocolate, and a rental car to drive off a cliff when this all turns out to have been a terrible mistake. That's what I can pay.

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Pawel: [after Frances finds him and Chiara on her bed] Frances, please! We have nowhere to be together!

Frances: And what does that make me? Saint Francesca, patron saint of horny teenagers?

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Frances: What are you thinking?

Martini: What do I think?

Frances: Tell me.

Martini: I think you got your wish.

Frances: My wish?

Martini: On that day we looked for your snake, you said to me that you wanted there to be a wedding here. And then you said you wanted there to be a family here.

Frances: You're right... I got my wish. I got everything I asked for.

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Katherine: Regrets are a waste of time. They're the past crippling you in the present.

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Marcello: Francesca.

Frances: Yes?

Marcello: I am going to make love all over you!

Frances: Okay.

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Katherine: It's a nice little villa. Rather run down, but redeemable. Are you going to buy it?

Frances: No, no, no. I'm, I'm just a tourist. Here for the day.

Katherine: So?

Frances: Well, I mean who wouldn't want to buy a villa in Tuscany. But, uh, the way my life's been going, that would be a terrible idea.

Katherine: Terrible idea. Mm... Don't you just love those?

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Pawel: I throw the flag.

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Patti: Think of your inner voice.

Frances: Inner voice... "What the fuck am I doing on a gay tour of Tuscany?"

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German Woman: You greedy Americans. You think you're so entitled. You ruin everything.

Frances: A lot of us feel really badly about that.

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Patti: Frances bought a house in Tuscany! And you're going to live there alone?

Frances: Well, I'm not there alone. I'm there with bugs.

Patti: Ew.

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Frances: This is really bad, isn't it?

Patti: Well, it's not good. Unless you want to give your ass a facial.

Frances: That's a contradiction in terms.

Patti: i guess it would be more like an Ass-cail

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[at the Flag Festival]

Patti: These are straight men.

Frances: In tights. Waving Flags.

Patti: Fantastic.

Frances: Yeah.

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Patti: There's something strange about these trees. It's like they know.

Frances: And they know that we know that they know.

Patti: They're creepy. Creepy Italian trees. Of course, the baby's going to like them cause it's going to be a creepy Italian baby who goes around saying things like 'Ciao mama' and doing that weird backward hand wave thing. Life is strange.

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Frances: What's your name?

Marcello: Marcello.

Frances: Of course it is.

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Marcello: If you smash into something good, you should hold on until it's time to let go.

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Signora Raguzzi: It's a house, not a Vespa. What are you going to do, steal it?

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Frances: What if this is it? The real thing?

Placido: What you speak of is only in fairy tales.

Frances: No, it's not!

Placido: And how do you know? From personal experience?

Frances: No. I looked, and I didn't find it. But that doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

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Katherine: Listen, when I was a little girl I used to spend hours looking for ladybugs. Finally, I'd just give up and fall asleep in the grass. When I woke up, they were crawling all over me.

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Frances: Any arbitrary turning along the way and I would be elsewhere; I would be different.

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Patti: Can you star-69 Italy?

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Frances: I'll hire the muscular descendants of Roman gods to do the heavy lifting.

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Frances: You're the one that made the "empty-shell person standing at the crossroads" speech.

Patti: Oh, yeah. That was me.

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Frances: [narrating] So I was now the owner of a villa whose lands it would take two oxen two days to plow. Owning neither an ox nor a plow, I'd have to take their word for that.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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