Evie: The itsy-bitsy spider dropped acid at the park...
[Evie has just walked in on Melanie having a cigarette in her bedroom]
Melanie: Don't ever start smoking.
Evie: Is everything okay Mel?
Melanie: No. Evie, I'm sorry, but I think it's time for you to go home.
Evie: I can't go home. Brooke had a convention in Bakersfield, she said she sent you an email.
Melanie: I guess I didn't check my email.
[laughs a little nervously]
Evie: I'm sorry Mel. I hope it's okay that I'm here.
Melanie: Well... I guess it's gonna have to be, isn't it?
Evie: Her boyfriend hits me Mel.
[Evie sits down on Melanie's bed and pulls her hair back to reveal a bruise on her neck]
Evie: He grabbed my throat and he threw me against his van.
Melanie: [gasps softly] Oh jesus.
[Melanie goes to sit down beside Evie on the bed]
Melanie: Where's your mother baby?
Evie: [sniffles] She passed away.
[reaches over to stroke Evie's hair, then her face]
Melanie: I didn't have a mother when I was your age either. I know how hard it is. I do.
[Melanie and Evie hug]
Tracy: [Lying in the afterglow of sex with Javi] We are so perfect for each other. You know, if everybody married someone from a different race, then in one generation there would be no prejudice.
Evie: [Evie moves to lie next to Tracy] So you had a good time?
Tracy: [Dreamily] Yeah. But it tasted kinda nasty.
Evie: [laughs] What? We didn't go over that one!
Melanie: I love you and your brother more than anything in the world. I would die for you, but I won't leave you alone right now.
Melanie: How do you explain $860 in your purse?
Tracy: What do you expect me to say mom? We jacked it, okay! It's not like your broke-ass ever has any money to give me! Mom, when Brady went to that halfway house, what happened to our phone, our cable? You didn't even know how to pay the bills. It's no wonder Dad didn't want to be with you, you didn't even finish high school!
Melanie: We're doing okay Tracy. We don't have extra stuff, but you know we're doing okay. You don't have to steal.
Tracy: Oh Mom, you knew what was going on with all those clothes and shit! Christ, you're not that dumb, are you?
Melanie: [shouts] I didn't know it went that far!
Tracy: All of a sudden Medina has a ghetto booty?
Evie: I think she stuffs.
Astrid: That slut ain't got shit on THESE double-cheesburgers.
[She shakes her butt]
Medina: Shake it, don't break it, bitch.
Astird: Fuck her.
[the girls walk out in two matching cut-up halter tops]
Tracy: Well, what do you think? Are we hot or what?
Mel: That WAS your brother's favorite t-shirt.
[as underage Evie tries to seduce him]
Luke: No. Bad. Danger, Will Robinson, danger.
Melanie: [tearing up the floor in her kitchen] Goddamn dollar-fifty-a-square-foot floor!
Tracy: Would you like me to model my new thong? Great for pooping on the go!
[after dying Cynthia's hair]
Melanie: If this gets you laid, you owe me double.
[Tracy is on the phone in a tattoo shop]
Tracy: Mom, do you know the difference between point-slope form and slope-intercept form? See, that's why I need to be here at the library. They have tutors.
Tracy: Hey Mason, who would you say is the hottest girl in school?
Mason: Evie Zamora.
Tracy: Guess who I hung out with today.
Tracy: Melrose Avenue. (Mason looks at her in awe) What? Like that's so hard to believe...
[outside Mason's open window]
Tracy: [talking to dog in baby voice] Oh Hampton, he's my baby, yes...
Evie: [walks in front of Mason's window] Hey Mason!
[pulls thong up over shorts while shaking her butt]
Evie: move ya g-string down South!
Tracy: Gross! That's my brother!
Evie: [giggling while walking away with Tracy] Relax! Maybe I'll marry into the family.
Melanie: What the hell is that? I'm talking to you!
Tracy: [whispers] It's a belly-button ring.
Melanie: Speak up, I can't hear you.
Tracy: It's a belly button ring! How else can I say it, I don't speak no other languages! Oh, and you want to know what that is?
[sticks out her tongue]
Tracy: That is a tongue ring.
Mason: What? You wanna hit me, Tracy? Go ahead and hit me. You will go to jail, you fucking slut!
Tracy: Don't call me a slut. Mom, Mason just called me a slut!
Melanie: I want you here with me. You're my heart. I'll make it right.
Tracy: So you're a model?
Evie: She's a model-slash-actress!
Brooke: Slash-bartender who's about to be late for work.
Evie: How about we make a Luke sandwich?
Luke: Um, how about you're jailbait?
Tracy: Mom! I have to go to the bathroom, *now*.
Melanie: Can't you hold it a minute?
Tracy: That's how you get a bladder infection, you child abuser!
Melanie: That's dramatic.
Mason: [Tracy's back is turned and Mason doesn't see her face] Oh, baby, back that ass up!
Mason: [Tracy turns around] Tracy?
Brooke: Evie, goddamit, have you seen my other cutlet?
Evie: Incoming cutlet!
[throws it at her and hits her in the behind]
Melanie: Have you been drinking?
Mason: Of course she has because she's always FUCKING DRINKING, isn't she?
Tracy: Oh, like you never have!
Brady: Hey, what's going on?
[Kayla begins crying]
Rapper #1: [rapping] I feel like humpin' somethin'! I feel like humpin' somethin'! I feel like humpin' somethin'!
Tracy: Geez, Mom, why don't you open a hotel? You could get payed for all this shit.
Tracy: So, Brady, how was the halfway house?
Brady: Same as the last one, Tracy.
Tracy: [Sitting on Evie's bed, drinking beer] So, you want me to prove it, lesbo?
Evie: Hell, no.
Tracy: [Trying to convince Evie that she is a good kisser] Want me to prove it lesbo?
Evie: Hell No!
[Tracy bends down and kisses Evie]
Evie: I barely even felt that!
Tracy: Let's see you fucking feel this one then!
[Tracy pushes Evie on floor and kisses her more passionatly]
Evie: Well, okay!
Tracy: [speaking in gibberish] Why does my tongue hurt?
Evie: Maybe because you gave head.
Tracy: [Talking about the pants that Melanie made for her] The fur was thicker at Red Balls.
Tracy: [Tracy comes home wasted] Why don't you tell Mom how you get stoned every night with Roffa?
Mason: She knows I smoke pot, Tracy. Look at your pupils. You're so fucking busted.
Tracy: Hit me. I'm serious, I can't feel anything, hit me! Again, do it harder! I can't feel anything, this is so awesome!
Tracy: [Tracey walks into the bathroom in a huff, Astrid looks over] So, you wanna just go to the boardwalk and sell some shit?
Astrid: [putting stickers on her face in the mirror] I can't. I'm late for my Biology actually, we're doing a play and I'm the mermaid.
[raises eyebrows and walks out of bathroom]
Tracy: [stares into mirror, applying makeup]
Evie: [huffing computer duster] I hear this little wah-wah-wah inside my head...
Tracy: That's your brain cells popping!
Brooke: We're moving to Ojai, so you won't be seeing Evie again. Ever. You're really cruel, Tracy. I mean, I'm sure you can be a sweet kid when you want, but right now you're a really bad influence. I mean, you cheat, you lie, you steal...
Tracy: [shouting in disbelief] Oh my God! Are you kidding me, who do you think I learned all this shit from!
[Tracy walks off into the kitchen]
Melanie: Tracy was playing with Barbies before she met Evie!
[Melanie, Evie and Brooke all follow Tracy into the kitchen]
Brooke: Did she teach you to beat the crap out of her as well? Don't even start with me, I've seen the bruises, little one!
Tracy: What the hell did you tell her Evie?
Brooke: [Turns to Evie] Come here, what about this?
[Shows the scrape by Evie's hairline that Tracy accidentally made while the two girls were play-fighting]
Tracy: [shouts] What the fuck? We were just goofing!
Melanie: Tracy didn't hit her.
Evie: [starting to cry] Yes she did!
Tracy: I don't believe this shit, she hit me too!
Brooke: [grabs Tracy's arm and struggles with her to pull back her sleeve] And look at this Mel. You're gonna love this...
Tracy: Don't you dare! No don't please...
Melanie: Take your hands off her...
[Tracy starts to cry as the cuts on her arm are revealed when Brooke pulls down her sleeve]
Brooke: She cuts!
[Melanie looks stunned and horrified]
Tracy: [crying] It's none of your business you fucking frankenstein!
Brooke: Oh no, this child IS my business, you little cunt!
Melanie: That's it, you need to get out.
[Brooke and Evie slowly start to walk out]
Melanie: [yelling] Get out!
Evie: [crying] Who would want to live in this shit hole anyway? It fucking stinks in here Mel!
Mason: [to Teen] Stupid Fucker...
[laughs and looks ahead to girl]
Mason: Ah, sweetie. Back that ass up...
Teen: [walks up to girl] I'd like to see that thong on my bedroom floor.
Tracy: [Turns around] Too bad you'll never know.
Tracy: [Glances over and see's Mason. Mason looks down and sees bellybutton ring] Ahhhh shit, God. Fuck It.
[Starts to walk away]
Teen: [Grabs Cokes and stops her] Hey Tracy, here's your Cokes.
Tracy: I didn't pay for them anyway.
Teen: Probably didn't have to wit' yo' fine ass.
Tracy: Fuck you.