The Rundown (2003)
Travis: Let me get this straight - you never use guns?
Travis: What if your best friend was gonna die, you wouldn't pick up a gun?
Beck: No guns.
Travis: Santa Claus would pick up a gun to save his best friend.
Beck: Do I look like Santa Claus? Do I look like Santa Claus to you?
Travis: What do you say? Guns make you whooh-poco-loco? Bang-bang-crazy?
Beck: I pick up guns, bad things happen to people. I don't like that.
Travis: What kind of things?
Beck: Very bad things, Travis. Walk.
Travis: What about knives?
Declan: [right before a van blows up during a gun fight] Rage, rage... against the dying of the light... for there shall be no mercy... for any force that stands... blocking this path of his righteousness! BOOM-SHAKA-LAKA-TA-DA!
Declan: He, who heard the sound of thy holy trumpet, and took not warning. He hath clearly wandered too far from the word of God. And Cornelius Bernard Hatcher, your hour has come. Let's get it on, Big Boy. It's time to get back on the path.
Beck: When I'm a guest in another man's house, I don't reach into his refrigerator without asking permission.
[Manito says something in Portugese]
Mariana: Manito wants to know who you think would win a fight between Mike Tyson and Muhammed Ali.
Beck: Ali, hands down.
[Manito says something in Portugese]
Mariana: He says, what about Tyson's power?
Beck: Shit. Tell him Ali would have done to Tyson what he did to Foreman in Africa.
Manito: Ah, Rumble. Rumble in the Jungle.
Beck: Tell him Ali was too smart.
Mariana: [translates into Portugese]
Beck: Too smart, too fast. He would have used his jabs, bam, bam. He would have danced, played with his mind. Before you know it, bam. left to the body, bam. right to the head. Down goes Tyson.
Manito: Float like butterfly.
Beck: Sting like bee.
Mariana: I'd offer you a beer, but it seems you blew up my bar.
[Beck & Travis are paralyzed from eating a jungle fruit]
Beck: [slurred] Oh, thit...
Travis: [who can't turn his head] What? What?
Beck: Monkey! Monkey!
Travis: Monkey? Where? Get him away from me!
Beck: [weakly] Get out of here, Monkey.
Travis: [weakly] Get out of here, Monkey.
Beck: [weakly] Get out of here, Monkey.
[Sounds of a swarm of monkeys running around them and drawing closer]
Travis: Oh, no...
Beck: I hate this place. I hate penis-eating minnows and I hate freaky fruit. I want to go home. I want concrete. I want homemade tortellini. I want my Los Angeles Lakers. I want to go home, I want to go home, I WANT TO GO HOME!
[He gets pissed off enough to overcome the paralysis and lift his head and arm, waving a tree branch]
Beck: Get out of here, monkeys! Get out of here, monkeys!
[the monkeys run off. Beck tries to stand, and promptly collapses to the ground again]
Travis: Hey, remember your friend, Mr. Thunder? How 'bout his buddy, Mr. Lightning? Ooh, I know you know him. You know him real well, don't ya?
Travis: I'm just playing, man. I'll be in the truck.
Beck: I'm gonna kill you.
Beck: [speaking into a walkie talkie] Mr Hatcher, are you out there?
Hatcher: [presses reply button] What can I do for you, Mr. Beck?
Beck: I have no desire to fight with you or your men. For that reason you have two options. Option A, you leave the Gato and the girl, and you walk out of town no questions asked.
Hatcher: What's option B?
Beck: Option B? I make you.
[Silence. Then Hatcher starts laughing. Then his henchmen start laughing. Finally he presses the reply button so Beck can hear them laughing at him]
Beck: [slowly shakes head] Wrong choice.
[knocks out video camera]
Hatcher: Lock down the town.
Hatcher: I feel like a little boy who's lost his first tooth, put it under his pillow, waiting for the tooth-fairy to come. Only two evil burglars have crept in my window, and snatched it, before she could get here... Wait a second, do you understand the CONCEPT of the tooth-fairy? Explain it to them... Wait. She takes the god damned thing, and gives you a quarter. They've got my tooth. I want it back.
[after Beck reluctantly unzips Travis's fly, Travis turns, then hops around for a moment]
Travis: I can't get it out! Do you think you could-?
Beck: No. Hell, no.
Travis: I'm just saying that whatever my father is paying you, I will double it.
Travis: I'll quadruple it.
Travis: I'll double it and quadruple it.
Travis: You're being unreasonable.
[Travis keeps trying to hit Beck]
Beck: You done beatin' me up? Let's go.
Hatcher: Where you see Hell, I see a spellbinding sense of purpose. I see the value of keeping your eye on the ball. When a bride slips the ring on her finger, when a businessman lays his hands on a Rolex, when a rapper gets a shiny new tooth, this is that cost, Mr. Beck, my horror for their beauty, my Hell for their little slice of Heaven. Somebody's gotta keep his eye on the ball. That somebody is me, Mr. Beck. I am down here every day, keeping my eye on the ball. That's just a simple fact of life. And if you're bold enough to face that cold hard fact... you can make a lot of money.
Hatcher: [facing away from door] Tell 'em to dig harder! If only it were that simple, eh, Mr. Beck?
Beck: How do you know my name?
Hatcher: When a man of your dimensions travels all this way to visit a place like this... it... arouses the curiosity.
Beck: I don't make deals with people like you.
Travis: You don't even know me.
Beck: You're just like every other jackass that I've taken down. First they try to run, then they try to fight, then they try to negotiate. And when that doesn't work, you're gonna do what all the others do when they realize it's over.
Travis: Oh, yeah? What's that?
Beck: You're gonna get down on your hands and knees and you're gonna beg me for a break. Well, guess what? I don't give breaks. No breaks.
Travis: You don't understand the situation.
Beck: You borrowed money from the guy. You shot the wrong guy. You slept with the wrong guy's wife. I-don't-care. Your mistake.
Hatcher: I suppose now we have a conversation where you enlighten me. How many more of you are out there? Enlighten me. Where are the rest of your compadres? Enlighten me.
Travis: Have you ever heard of the Gato du Diabo? It's a priceless object, forged out of pure gold. It's worth millions.
Beck: I thought you said it was priceless.
Travis: You do not want to argue semantics with a PhD candidate.
Travis: Yeah, I am very close to being Dr. Travis Walker.
Beck: You dropped out of Stanford after two semesters, Einstein.
Beck: I need you to make a choice for me.
Travis: What choice?
Beck: Option A or Option B. Option A: we walk out of here nice and easy, we go back to the airstrip, and then we begin our long journey back to Los Angeles. There'll be no bruises, no broken bones, and no problems.
Travis: What's in Los Angeles?
Beck: Your father.
Travis: What's Option B?
Beck: Pretty much the opposite of A. But I wouldn't recommend that one.
Beck: What are you doing?
Travis: I have to pee.
Beck: Pee in your pants, move!
Beck: Excuse me?
Travis: I've let you push me around this jungle for like five hours, now if you wanna keep going your just gonna have to carry me I guarantee I'm gonna pee on your head.
Beck: Your threatening me? Your threatening me with pee?
Travis: Yeah if you don't let me pee here.
Beck: Fine, you win, pee!
Travis: Will you unzip me?
Beck: No I'm not gonna unzip you. You have 30 seconds, PEE!
Travis: How am I supose to pee with my hands cuffed behind my back?
Beck: Find a way!
Travis: I'll give you one more chance to reconsider.
Beck: I'll give you one more chance to shut your mouth.
Travis: [pause] Is that your final answer?
Mariana: Don't pee in the water.
Mariana: A candiru, a vicious parasite will swim up the urine into your pau.
Beck: Swim up my what?
Mariana: Your pinto. It'll swim up your ding-dong. And once it gets in, you can't get it out.
Beck: [Stammers] Well, then what?
Mariana: They have to amputate.
Beck: Not this boy's pinto. Uh-uh, not today!
Travis: So, wait a minute. She gets what she needs, you get what you need, and I get the shaft?
Beck: I could always give her back the gun.
Travis: I really don't like you.
Beck: Yeah well, I get that a lot.
Beck: You know, back in the States, Brazil nuts like these go for $ a lb.
Mariana: Well, those fell of the tree out back. And around here, we don't call them Brazil nuts.
Beck: What do you call them?
Mariana: Well, we are in Brazil, so we just call them nuts.
Beck: Fair enough.
Declan: He caught up with poor Mariana in the jungle and relieved her of her artifact.
Travis: What'd you say?
Declan: I said
Declan: "he relieved her of her artifact." It's a word in the English language: "Art-i-fact."
[Beck is being "humped" by a monkey]
Travis: Establish dominance. Establish dominance.
[Beck is fighting one of the rebels and losing]
Travis: What is that? That's like spinning Tarzan jujitsu?
[suggesting a name for a "new" flower]
Travis: I can only think of one word... that fits something so beautiful. Mariana.
Mariana: How much do you want?
Hatcher: Mr. Beck... There's been a slight change in the narrative, an unexpected twist, you might say.
Travis: You got a problem with guns?
Beck: Let's just say they take me to a place I don't wanna go.
Travis: Where do they take you?
Beck: To a place you don't wanna see me go. WALK.
Travis: How often do you work out?
[on the phone with his boss, before collecting from Knapmiller]
Beck: It's me. Oh yeah, he's here. But there's a problem, he's got the entire offensive line here. That's right, the entire offensive line. Why don't we just do this another night? Listen, they've got a legitimate shot at repeating this year, I do not want to hurt them.
Emeril Lagasse (on radio): I just love mushrooms. One of my favorites, or as I call it, "the king of mushrooms," is the porcini. Now stop right there. Don't be alarmed. There's a lot of confusion in this country between porcini, the Italian name, and cèpes, which is the French name. They're fat and they're earthy. Now the porcini is most often seen dried here in this country. And they would always be labeled "dried porcinis," not "dried cèpes." OK? They are very, very, very flavorful.
[Beck meets Swenson armed with whips]
Swenson: You should've kept the gun.
Hatcher: I want hunting parties. Small ones. Find them. Find them.
Beck: Knapmiller, you have two choices. Option "A," you give me the ring. Option "B," I *make* you give me the ring.
Beck: Tell him I don't want to fight him.
Travis: [translating, to Manito] He says he pisses on your ancestors, and that you would make a very pretty bride!
Travis: [just before he goes to walk away from the hanging Beck] Well, it looks like your Wolfgang Stuck right here.
[while Beck is hanging upside down from a jungle snare]
Beck: Hey! I've got the keys to your cuffs.
[the keys fall out of his pocket, onto the ground]
Beck: Oh, shit...
Travis: I'll tell you what you've got, pal. You've got problems.
Declan: [approaching the airstrip] Will you look at that, we can't land now.
Beck: Why? Why can't we land?
Declan: Look, they got the bulls on the ground!
Beck: [confused] "Bools on the grind"?
Declan: Aye, the bulls! The cattle, look!
Beck: Is this the only road in and out?
Declan: If you want to stay alive.
Beck: Why is that?
Declan: That, there! That's the jungle, little fella. You've got anacondas in there, poison arrow frogs, black flies, bullet ants. If they don't get you, the rebels will.
[Beck gets yanked into the air by a jungle snare]
Beck: What-? What is this?
Travis: Hoo, hoo, hoo! Welcome to the jungle, tough guy!
Travis: [while Beck is hanging upside down in a pig snare] Caw-Caw! Caw-Caw! You're like a little birdie up there! Caw-Caw! Caw-Caw-Caw-Caw! Caw-Caw!
Travis: Who do you think you are? You come into my town, you mess up my bar, you eyeball my woman...
Beck: Eyeball your woman?
Travis: Oh... it's on now.
Travis: [reaching for El Gato Del Diablo] Here kitty, kitty, kitty.
Beck: I'm looking for a man.
Mariana: What's your type?
[Travis comes out of the bathroom and walks toward the door]
Beck: His name's Travis Walker.
[Travis stops behind Beck, and slowly turns around]
Beck: [without turning around] He's in his twenties, he's got sandy hair, a beard, wearing a blue shirt and jeans, right now he's got a real bewildered look on his face.