Ella Enchanted (2004)
Char: Kiss me...
[Ella leans in]
Char: That wasn't an order.
Ella: I know.
Char: Traveling with an elf? What? Your boyfriend couldn't make it?
Char: [disappointed] Oh.
Ella: Because I don't have a boyfriend.
Char: [happily] Oh.
Ella: What about you? Your girlfriend doesn't mind being left alone?
Char: I don't have a girlfriend.
Ella: [happily] Oh.
Char: I have many.
Ella: [disappointed] Oh.
Char: I'm kidding, you shouldn't believe everything you read in Medieval Teen.
Fan Club Girl: Prince Charmont actually stepped on these tiles!
[a bunch of girls get down and start kissing the floor]
Tour Guide: Girls, stop tonguing the foyer!
Hattie: Just admit you're stupid and don't know what you're talking about.
Ella: I'm stupid and I don't know what I'm talking about.
Hattie: Hold your tongue, Ella.
[Ella literally holds her tongue]
Prof. Edith: Ella!
Ella: [still holding her tongue] My tongue itches.
[scratches her tongue]
Prof. Edith: Well, if you're not going to take this seriously, I will have to appoint the winner as Hattie.
Mean Little Girl: Bite me!
[little Ella does so]
Mean Little Girl: Ow!
Fan Club Girl: Prince Charmont, are you a fast runner?
Char: Not particularly, no. Why?
Fan Club Girl: Get him!
[a mob of girls start chasing Char]
Ella: [angrily] Prince Charmont.
Char: Please, call me...
[sees Ella for the first time and is smitten]
Char: ...call me Char.
Char: Ella of Frell you're not like other girls.
Ella: You have no idea.
Narrator: So, while her stepfamily scratched newly-found itches / Ella was off, glad to be away from the... witches.
Char: Tell me do you get a kick out of near death experiences?
Ella: No, I was fine, I had things will in hand.
Char: Oh yes, I could see that as you were dangling over the boiling cauldron. No doubt lulling the ogres into a false sense of security.
Fan Club Girl: He tried to kill Prince Char!
Girl: Get him!
Heston: Oh, no!
[Char's fan club start beating him up]
Ella: Oh, my stepsister Hattie would die if she knew I was here. She's the, uh, the president of your fan club you know.
Char: Oh, Hattie, yah. Thank you. Now I know what name to put on the restraining order.
Ella: I wonder if my opponent is basing her opinion on the Prince's politics or how cute she thinks his butt is?
Dame Olga: I want to look 25 at tonight's ball. What do you suggest?
Mandy: A time machine?
Make-Up Artist: May I recommend our newest procedure? Bat feces and oxen blood. Battox!
NiSSh: How do you like to be eaten? Baked? Boiled? Shish-kabobed?
Ella: How about free range?
Char: Well let me see, so far the score is chivalry two, gratitude zero.
Char: Ella, tell me how you really feel about me.
Ella: I love you.
Ella: Why don't you like music?
Slannen the Elf: Oh that's right, because elves are supposed to be so happy and joyful all the time. Singin' and dancin' for the *man*. I don't want to be an entertainer. I want to be...
Slannen the Elf: Nothin...
Ella: No, what were you going to say.
Slannen the Elf: Forget it. It's silly.
Ella: Please tell me.
Slannen the Elf: I want to be a lawyer.
Benny: I guess that would be in small claims court.
Ella: Oh, I forgot. The elfin restrictions Sir Edgar passed.
Slannen the Elf: No elf can be engaged in any profession other than singing, juggling or...
Ella: Now, I need you to go back into the forest and rally all the elves and giants you can find.
Slannen the Elf: You want me to go back in there?
Ella: Yes. You're going to need all the help you can get. Now someone has to get back into the castle, find Benny and then keep Char away from Edgar.
Slannen the Elf: Why? What's going on?
Ella: I already told you, I can't tell you, but... but if you don't, you might be stuck singing "Kum-ba-ya" for the rest of your life!
Slannen the Elf: Open up! I am Miss Ella's legal representation.
Dungeon Guard: Her what?
Slannen the Elf: Her lawyer, numbskull! If the gauntlet doesn't fit, you must acquit.
[Ella confronts three thugs who have captured Slannen]
Ella: Look, I think it's only fair to warn you that I'm practiced in the ancient art... of Origami!
Bluto: Paper folding?
Ella: Oh... I was hoping you wouldn't know what that was.
Char: You can curtsy or not; that's your choice. There's nothing I can do about it... except have you beheaded, but that seems a bit extreme.
NiSSh: It will only hurt for a moment, I promise. I'm a fast eater.
[after chaining Ella to a tree]
Slannen the Elf: You are one freaky chick.
[Ella and Char arrive at the giants' wedding party]
Char: I hope this is a good idea. They must hate the royal family.
Ella: No, they'll respect your courage at showing up here. Besides they don't hold grudges... they're bigger than that.
Mandy: I love you too, my little pookie pages.
Benny: Not as much as I love you, cuddlebuns.
Mandy: Ohh, I love you more!
Ella: Okay! Lots of love, moving on.
Char: You're the first maiden who hasn't swooned at the sight of me.
Ella: Then maybe I've done you some good.
[while Slannen rambles on, the ogres knock out the dungeon guard and try to eat him]
Slannen the Elf: [turning around] Excuse me, what is going on here?
NiSSh: Well, can we at least have him to go?
Slannen the Elf: Put the nice man down!
[about Slannen the Elf and Brumhilda the Giant]
Ella: I've seen weirder couples... none that immediately come to mine, but still...
Char: I suppose that dagger that you were ready to plunge into my heart was just an early wedding present.
Char: Tell me about your sister.
Hattie: Olive? Idiot.
Char: Uh, no. Ella.
Hattie: Oh. Hmmmph. I don't want to talk about her, she's so dreary.
Hattie: I just want to talk about us.
[a bunch of other girls are cheering for Prince Charmont]
Ella: Say no to Ogrecide!
Ella: You're about to become king. You'll have the power to make a difference in the world, and you don't even care.
Char: It's not like I asked to become king. I have no say in the matter.
Ella: Well thanks to your uncle, there are a lot of people who have no say in the matter. Nobody should be forced to do things they don't want to do. Take it from somebody who knows.
Ella: [during the opening of the mall Ella stand on a planter, holding up a sign] Say no to ogreside!
Areida: Stop the Giant land grab!
Ella: [hearing a noise in the forest] What was that?
Benny: Probably something that wants to eat us.
Slannen the Elf: Into the forest of certain death goes Slannen.
Ella: Thank you!
Hattie: It's me he's going to have at his coronation.
Ella: Yeah, in the middle of the table with an apple in your mouth.
Hattie: Olive, have you noticed anything strange about Ella?
Olive: No, not really.
Hattie: Have you noticed it gets darker at night then lighter when the sun comes up?
Olive: [look of dumb realization] That's because of Ella!
Hattie: Never mind.
Ella: I've met Prince Charmont, and I think he might be different from his uncle.
Slannen the Elf: Why? Cause he's a hunk?
Slannen the Elf: What is he, about 6 foot?
Ella: Yeah, about.
Slannen the Elf: Yeah, I hate the guy already.
Benny: Looks like she's getting herself an FWI.
Ella: An FWI?
Benny: Flying while intoxicated.
Hattie: Show us where Char showers!
Olive: I bet he showers naked!
[All girls on castle tour scream]
Koopooduk: That's a fine young man you have here.
Ella: Oh, he's not fine - I - I mean, mine. He is fine, but uh-uh-never mind.
Slannen the Elf: Elves aren't that short you know. That's just a stupid myth created by that "Elves and the Shoemaker" story. Do I look small enough to fit in a shoe? Stinkin' Grimm Brothers!
Slannen the Elf: [rustling] Oh no... The rustling always comes before the screaming and the running. I *knew* this was gonna happen! They're just gonna find pieces of us scattered across the forest.
Benny: [a rabbit hops out of the bushes] Oh, a bunny. You know, the last known case of a bunny attack was, well, *never*.
Hattie: Ella stop kissing him. You are never to kiss him again.
Ella: You wanna bet?
[takes her mother's necklace from Hattie and turns back to Char]
Char: Marry me?
Ella: Now that I'll do.
Ella: Slannen doesn't sing.
Koopooduk: Well what about you then?
Ella: Oh no... I couldn't... I - - please don't.
[Ella bursts into "Somebody to Love"]
Char: These last few days have been so perfect. Except for the bit where we almost got eaten by ogres. And you wrote a letter that ripped out my heart. And I had to dance with Hattie.
Edgar: I trust you found everything to your satisfaction?
Ella: Yes, thank you.
Edgar: Good, good.
[Edgar knocks book off table]
Edgar: Oh, dear. How clumsy of me. Pick it up.
[Ella picks it up]
Edgar: Very good. Now touch your toes.
Ella: [touching her toes] Oh, no.
Edgar: Oh, yes. And while you're about it, why don't you pat your head and rub your tummy at the same time?
[Ella does so]
Edgar: Now jump up and down.
Ella: [jumping up and down] Please stop.
Edgar: Wait. Perhaps you know this one.
Edgar: Put your left foot in...
[Ella puts left foot in]
Edgar: ...put your left foot out...
[Ella puts left foot out]
Edgar: ...put your left foot in...
[Ella puts left foot in]
Edgar: ...and shake it all about. Shake, shake, shake. Shake, shake, shake.
Edgar: Shake your booty. Shake your booty.
[Ella shakes booty]
Edgar: Oh ho! This is fabulous!
Heston: Hate to be a party pooper, but Edgar, evil plans, remember?
Edgar: Yes, you're right
Edgar: Okay, stop.
NiSSh: You, into the pot.
[Ella walks over to pot]
Slannen the Elf: Forget them!
Ella: [turns around in surprise at ogres] Who are you?
NiSSh: I am the ogre, NiSSh. We just did this. Didn't we just do this? All right. That's enough fun and games. Now keep your mouth shut...
[Ella closes her mouth]
NiSSh: ...and don't move.
Slannen the Elf: You know, I hope you don't mind me saying this, but you're much prettier than I would've expected.
Brumhilda: Oh, I know. Giants are supposed to be big, ugly and mean. It's because of stories like "Jack and the Beanstalk." Stinking Grimm Brothers!
Narrator: Fairy tales tell, as their labels imply / Stories of magic, of creatures that fly / With giants and dragons and ogres and elves / And inanimate objects that speak for themselves / There's romance and danger and plotting of schemes / There's good guys and bad guys and some guys in-between / A fairy tale also reveals some sort of truth / The perils of choices we make in our youth./ But our story today is different in theme./ For our hero had no choice or so it would seem./ It starts with a fairy bestowing a spell./ This one's a baby named Ella of Frell.
Narrator: If there's one thing to learn it's you just can't go wrong / If you follow your heart, and end with a song.
Narrator: Now it's back to the real world all of you I must send / For I've only two words left and they are, "The End."
Char: Well, that's on our way back to Lamia. We'll accompany you.
Ella: Well, that's not necessary.
Char: But it makes it so much easier rescuing you if I don't have to commute.
Dame Olga: [after Ella has been arrested] A felon in my own family. I could die from embarrassment.
Mandy: [under her breath] Promises, promises.
Fairy Administrator: Can I help you?
Ella: Hello. I'm looking for Lucinda Perryweather. Actually, its kinda urgent.
Fairy Administrator: Sorry toots, she was kicked out last week.
Ella: Do you know where I can find her?
Fairy Administrator: Nope
Ella: [franticly] No, you dont understand! If I dont find her by tonight, something terrible is going to happen!
Fairy Administrator: Finding her would be something terrible.
Ella's Mother: Look to yourself, Ella. What's inside you is stronger than any spell.
Narrator: In spite of the spell, Ella grew up strong of mind./ Her gift made her obedient, but her heart made her kind
Narrator: So Ella now knew why she'd always obeyed,/ but she never stopped fighting to have things her way
Ella: You know Char and his uncle are responsible for the segregation of the kingdom.
Hattie: Who cares, he's dreamy.
Ella: I don't need your chivalry, thanks. And I have no intention of curtsying either, so you can forget it.
Hattie: What my unworthy opponent fails to realize is Sir Edgar has done a fantastic job. He has driven the ogres out, and he has put giants and elves to work as laborers and entertainers. Therefore, if it weren't for him, we wouldn't have today's thriving free-enterprise system.
Ella: It's only free because we've enslaved the poor creatures and they work for nothing. Edgar is a monster, and I don't hold out much hope for his nephew, either.
Hattie: Well that shows what you know aka nothing. Prince Char will be the greatest king ever. Right girls?
Ella: I wonder if my opponent has based her opinion on the prince's politics or how cute she thinks his butt is.
Hattie: Humph! Oh just admit your stupid and don't know what you're talking about
Edgar: So, Ella of Frell is your sister.
Hattie: Step-sister, actually.
Edgar: Really? Tell me what do you know about her?
Hattie: What's in it for me?
Heston: How about that your eyeballs remain inside your head?