Ella Enchanted (2004)
[Ella confronts three thugs who have captured Slannen]
Ella: Look, I think it's only fair to warn you that I'm practiced in the ancient art... of Origami!
Bluto: Paper folding?
Ella: Oh... I was hoping you wouldn't know what that was.
Fan Club Girl: Prince Charmont, are you a fast runner?
Char: Not particularly, no. Why?
Fan Club Girl: Get him!
[a mob of girls start chasing Char]
Char: Traveling with an elf? What? Your boyfriend couldn't make it?
Char: [disappointed] Oh.
Ella: Because I don't have a boyfriend.
Char: [happily] Oh.
Ella: What about you? Your girlfriend doesn't mind being left alone?
Char: I don't have a girlfriend.
Ella: [happily] Oh.
Char: I have many.
Ella: [disappointed] Oh.
Char: I'm kidding, you shouldn't believe everything you read in Medieval Teen.
Ella: Oh, my stepsister Hattie would die if she knew I was here. She's the, uh, the president of your fan club you know.
Char: Oh, Hattie, yah. Thank you. Now I know what name to put on the restraining order.
Hattie: Ella stop kissing him. You are never to kiss him again.
Ella: You wanna bet?
[takes her mother's necklace from Hattie and turns back to Char]
Char: Marry me?
Ella: Now that I'll do.
Fan Club Girl: Prince Charmont actually stepped on these tiles!
[a bunch of girls get down and start kissing the floor]
Tour Guide: Girls, stop tonguing the foyer!
Ella's Mother: Look to yourself, Ella. What's inside you is stronger than any spell.
Ella: [angrily] Prince Charmont.
Char: Please, call me...
[sees Ella for the first time and is smitten]
Char: ...call me Char.
Char: Tell me do you get a kick out of near death experiences?
Ella: No, I was fine, I had things will in hand.
Char: Oh yes, I could see that as you were dangling over the boiling cauldron. No doubt lulling the ogres into a false sense of security.
Hattie: Show us where Char showers!
Olive: I bet he showers naked!
[All girls on castle tour scream]
Ella: Slannen doesn't sing.
Koopooduk: Well what about you then?
Ella: Oh no... I couldn't... I - - please don't.
[Ella bursts into "Somebody to Love"]
Dame Olga: I want to look 25 at tonight's ball. What do you suggest?
Mandy: A time machine?
Make-Up Artist: May I recommend our newest procedure? Bat feces and oxen blood. Battox!
Char: You can curtsy or not; that's your choice. There's nothing I can do about it... except have you beheaded, but that seems a bit extreme.
[after chaining Ella to a tree]
Slannen the Elf: You are one freaky chick.
[Ella and Char arrive at the giants' wedding party]
Char: I hope this is a good idea. They must hate the royal family.
Ella: No, they'll respect your courage at showing up here. Besides they don't hold grudges... they're bigger than that.
Hattie: Olive, have you noticed anything strange about Ella?
Olive: No, not really.
Hattie: Have you noticed it gets darker at night then lighter when the sun comes up?
Olive: [look of dumb realization] That's because of Ella!
Hattie: Never mind.
Char: These last few days have been so perfect. Except for the bit where we almost got eaten by ogres. And you wrote a letter that ripped out my heart. And I had to dance with Hattie.
Hattie: Hold your tongue, Ella.
[Ella literally holds her tongue]
Prof. Edith: Ella!
Ella: [still holding her tongue] My tongue itches.
[scratches her tongue]
Prof. Edith: Well, if you're not going to take this seriously, I will have to appoint the winner as Hattie.
Narrator: Fairy tales tell, as their labels imply / Stories of magic, of creatures that fly / With giants and dragons and ogres and elves / And inanimate objects that speak for themselves / There's romance and danger and plotting of schemes / There's good guys and bad guys and some guys in-between / A fairy tale also reveals some sort of truth / The perils of choices we make in our youth./ But our story today is different in theme./ For our hero had no choice or so it would seem./ It starts with a fairy bestowing a spell./ This one's a baby named Ella of Frell.
Ella: I wonder if my opponent is basing her opinion on the Prince's politics or how cute she thinks his butt is?
Mandy: I love you too, my little pookie pages.
Benny: Not as much as I love you, cuddlebuns.
Mandy: Ohh, I love you more!
Ella: Okay! Lots of love, moving on.
Narrator: Now it's back to the real world all of you I must send / For I've only two words left and they are, "The End."
Char: Tell me about your sister.
Hattie: Olive? Idiot.
Char: Uh, no. Ella.
Hattie: Oh. Hmmmph. I don't want to talk about her, she's so dreary.
Hattie: I just want to talk about us.
Hattie: Just admit you're stupid and don't know what you're talking about.
Ella: I'm stupid and I don't know what I'm talking about.
Ella: Now, I need you to go back into the forest and rally all the elves and giants you can find.
Slannen the Elf: You want me to go back in there?
Ella: Yes. You're going to need all the help you can get. Now someone has to get back into the castle, find Benny and then keep Char away from Edgar.
Slannen the Elf: Why? What's going on?
Ella: I already told you, I can't tell you, but... but if you don't, you might be stuck singing "Kum-ba-ya" for the rest of your life!
Hattie: It's me he's going to have at his coronation.
Ella: Yeah, in the middle of the table with an apple in your mouth.
Ella: I've met Prince Charmont, and I think he might be different from his uncle.
Slannen the Elf: Why? Cause he's a hunk?
Slannen the Elf: What is he, about 6 foot?
Ella: Yeah, about.
Slannen the Elf: Yeah, I hate the guy already.
Koopooduk: That's a fine young man you have here.
Ella: Oh, he's not fine - I - I mean, mine. He is fine, but uh-uh-never mind.
Slannen the Elf: [rustling] Oh no... The rustling always comes before the screaming and the running. I *knew* this was gonna happen! They're just gonna find pieces of us scattered across the forest.
Benny: [a rabbit hops out of the bushes] Oh, a bunny. You know, the last known case of a bunny attack was, well, *never*.
Edgar: I trust you found everything to your satisfaction?
Ella: Yes, thank you.
Edgar: Good, good.
[Edgar knocks book off table]
Edgar: Oh, dear. How clumsy of me. Pick it up.
[Ella picks it up]
Edgar: Very good. Now touch your toes.
Ella: [touching her toes] Oh, no.
Edgar: Oh, yes. And while you're about it, why don't you pat your head and rub your tummy at the same time?
[Ella does so]
Edgar: Now jump up and down.
Ella: [jumping up and down] Please stop.
Edgar: Wait. Perhaps you know this one.
Edgar: Put your left foot in...
[Ella puts left foot in]
Edgar: ...put your left foot out...
[Ella puts left foot out]
Edgar: ...put your left foot in...
[Ella puts left foot in]
Edgar: ...and shake it all about. Shake, shake, shake. Shake, shake, shake.
Edgar: Shake your booty. Shake your booty.
[Ella shakes booty]
Edgar: Oh ho! This is fabulous!
Heston: Hate to be a party pooper, but Edgar, evil plans, remember?
Edgar: Yes, you're right
Edgar: Okay, stop.
Char: Well, that's on our way back to Lamia. We'll accompany you.
Ella: Well, that's not necessary.
Char: But it makes it so much easier rescuing you if I don't have to commute.
Dame Olga: [after Ella has been arrested] A felon in my own family. I could die from embarrassment.
Mandy: [under her breath] Promises, promises.
Narrator: In spite of the spell, Ella grew up strong of mind./ Her gift made her obedient, but her heart made her kind
Narrator: So Ella now knew why she'd always obeyed,/ but she never stopped fighting to have things her way
Fan Club Girl: He tried to kill Prince Char!
Girl: Get him!
Heston: Oh, no!
[Char's fan club start beating him up]
Ella: Why don't you like music?
Slannen the Elf: Oh that's right, because elves are supposed to be so happy and joyful all the time. Singin' and dancin' for the *man*. I don't want to be an entertainer. I want to be...
Slannen the Elf: Nothin...
Ella: No, what were you going to say.
Slannen the Elf: Forget it. It's silly.
Ella: Please tell me.
Slannen the Elf: I want to be a lawyer.
Benny: I guess that would be in small claims court.
Ella: Oh, I forgot. The elfin restrictions Sir Edgar passed.
Slannen the Elf: No elf can be engaged in any profession other than singing, juggling or...
Slannen the Elf: Open up! I am Miss Ella's legal representation.
Dungeon Guard: Her what?
Slannen the Elf: Her lawyer, numbskull! If the gauntlet doesn't fit, you must acquit.
[a bunch of other girls are cheering for Prince Charmont]
Ella: Say no to Ogrecide!
Ella: You're about to become king. You'll have the power to make a difference in the world, and you don't even care.
Char: It's not like I asked to become king. I have no say in the matter.
Ella: Well thanks to your uncle, there are a lot of people who have no say in the matter. Nobody should be forced to do things they don't want to do. Take it from somebody who knows.
Slannen the Elf: You know, I hope you don't mind me saying this, but you're much prettier than I would've expected.
Brumhilda: Oh, I know. Giants are supposed to be big, ugly and mean. It's because of stories like "Jack and the Beanstalk." Stinking Grimm Brothers!
Narrator: If there's one thing to learn it's you just can't go wrong / If you follow your heart, and end with a song.
Fairy Administrator: Can I help you?
Ella: Hello. I'm looking for Lucinda Perryweather. Actually, its kinda urgent.
Fairy Administrator: Sorry toots, she was kicked out last week.
Ella: Do you know where I can find her?
Fairy Administrator: Nope.
Ella: [franticly] No, you don't understand! If I don't find her by tonight, something terrible is going to happen!
Fairy Administrator: Finding her would be something terrible.
Ella: I don't need your chivalry, thanks. And I have no intention of curtsying either, so you can forget it.
Hattie: What my unworthy opponent fails to realize is Sir Edgar has done a fantastic job. He has driven the ogres out, and he has put giants and elves to work as laborers and entertainers. Therefore, if it weren't for him, we wouldn't have today's thriving free-enterprise system.
Ella: It's only free because we've enslaved the poor creatures and they work for nothing. Edgar is a monster, and I don't hold out much hope for his nephew, either.
Hattie: Well that shows what you know aka nothing. Prince Char will be the greatest king ever. Right girls?
Ella: I wonder if my opponent has based her opinion on the prince's politics or how cute she thinks his butt is.
Hattie: Humph! Oh just admit your stupid and don't know what you're talking about
Char: Well let me see, so far the score is chivalry two, gratitude zero.
Char: You're the first maiden who hasn't swooned at the sight of me.
Ella: Then maybe I've done you some good.
[while Slannen rambles on, the ogres knock out the dungeon guard and try to eat him]
Slannen the Elf: [turning around] Excuse me, what is going on here?
NiSSh: Well, can we at least have him to go?
Slannen the Elf: Put the nice man down!
[about Slannen the Elf and Brumhilda the Giant]
Ella: I've seen weirder couples... none that immediately come to mine, but still...
Slannen the Elf: Elves aren't that short you know. That's just a stupid myth created by that "Elves and the Shoemaker" story. Do I look small enough to fit in a shoe? Stinkin' Grimm Brothers!
NiSSh: You, into the pot.
[Ella walks over to pot]
Slannen the Elf: Forget them!
Ella: [turns around in surprise at ogres] Who are you?
NiSSh: I am the ogre, NiSSh. We just did this. Didn't we just do this? All right. That's enough fun and games. Now keep your mouth shut...
[Ella closes her mouth]
NiSSh: ...and don't move.
Ella: You know Char and his uncle are responsible for the segregation of the kingdom.
Hattie: Who cares, he's dreamy.
Narrator: So, while her stepfamily scratched newly-found itches / Ella was off, glad to be away from the... witches.
Benny: I would have left her ages ago, except I love her so damn much. Plus, I have no legs.
Char: I suppose that dagger that you were ready to plunge into my heart was just an early wedding present.
Ella: [hearing a noise in the forest] What was that?
Benny: Probably something that wants to eat us.
Edgar: So, Ella of Frell is your sister.
Hattie: Step-sister, actually.
Edgar: Really? Tell me what do you know about her?
Hattie: What's in it for me?
Heston: How about that your eyeballs remain inside your head?
Ella: [during the opening of the mall Ella stand on a planter, holding up a sign] Say no to ogreside!
Areida: Stop the Giant land grab!
Char: [Char swings by on a rope, tossing Ella a sword and grabbing one for himself] I can't believe I'm saving you, after you tried to kill me!
Ella: I didn't try to kill you.
Char: [to a member of the Red Guard trying to kill Ella] You stay away from her!
Char: [both of them fight back some guys] What, so that dagger you were about to plunge in my back was just an early wedding present?
Ella: [a guy goes to attack Ella, and Char fights him back. Benny gets turned into a pumpkin accidently. The Red Guards keep attacking] Okay, maybe I did try to kill you, but that wasn't me.
Ella: Okay, maybe it was me, but it wasn't my fault.
[Ella and Char duck right as a guard attacks, causing him to hit 2 guards behind them]
Ella: [Benny gets turned into a man and joins the fight] ... then Edgar found out about the curse and he ordered me to kill you.
[Char fights off a guy behind Ella]
Ella: And the only way I could think of to stop it was to break up with you, even though I'm pretty sure that you're the best thing that's ever happened to me.
[while still lookingn at Ella as she explains, Char fights a guy attacking him from behind]
Ella: And that crown he's about to put on your head...
[Ella helps with the guy behind Char]
Ella: It's a trick. It's poisoned.
[Ella ducks, as Char swings his stick around, hitting all three Red Guard attacking them]
Ella: [Ella stands up, looking around, rather shocked, at the men on the ground] Whoa.
Char: Edgar's trying to kill me?
Ella: Yes. I - hold on.
[Ella jumps up and kicks a Red Guard behind her, taking him out, rather swiftly]
Ella: [Ella's stepmother is appalled by the act, Heston moves through the crowd] Uh, Char, there's one more thing.
[Edgar throws a shield of of himself and stands. Char looks straight at Ella]
Ella: He killed your father...