- Jimmy the Tulip's quiet new life is shaken up by his old pal Oz, whose wife has been kidnapped by a Hungarian mob. The Tulip and his wife Jill spring into action.
- Thanks to falsified dental records supplied by his former neighbor Nicholas "Oz" Oseransky (Matthew Perry), retired hit man Jimmy "The Tulip" Tudeski (Bruce Willis) now spends his days compulsively cleaning his house and perfecting his culinary skills with his wife Jill (Amanda Peet), a purported assassin who has yet to pull off a clean hit. Suddenly, an uninvited and unwelcome connection to their past unexpectedly shows up on Jimmy and Jill's doorstep: Oz is begging them to help him rescue his wife from the Hungarian mob. To complicate matters even further, the men, who are out to get Oz are led by Lazlo Gogolak (Kevin Pollak), a childhood rival of Jimmy's and another notorious hit man. Oz, Jimmy, and Jill will need to go the whole nine yards--and then some--to manage the mounting Mafioso mayhem.—Sujit R. Varma
- Thanks to falsified dental records supplied by his former neighbor Dr. Nicholas "Oz" Oseransky (Matthew Perry), retired hit-man James Stefan "Jimmy The Tulip" Tudeski (Bruce Willis) spends his days compulsively cleaning his house and perfecting his culinary skills with his wife, Jill St. Claire Tudeski (Amanda Peet), a purported assassin who has yet to pull off a "clean" hit - everyone she is hired to kill dies in bizarre accidents before she has a chance (in the latest scenario, she enters her mark's hotel room, but knocks over his bowl of pasta sauce. When the guy enters, her shotgun is away from her and the guy lunges for it. But he slips on the sauce, skids across the floor and goes through the window and falls to street, many floors below). Jimmy is a house husband and enjoys his domestic life. But this "new life" of Jimmy is not working for Jill. She wants the excitement of her life back. Plus they are trying to get pregnant and Jill is afraid that Jimmy hasn't had an erection for over an year and might be shooting blanks.
Oz now owns a dental practice in California and has married Jimmy's ex-wife Cynthia (Natasha Henstridge), expecting their first child, but the relationship is strained by Oz's excessive paranoia (he has a full CCTV surveillance of his house, and this drives Cynthia crazy) as well as Cynthia's secret continued contact with Jimmy.
Their lives are further complicated by the return of Laszlo Gogolak (Kevin Pollak), Jimmy's former mob boss and father figure, whose son Janni was killed by Jimmy and Jill while Laszlo was in prison. Jimmy and Janni used to be brothers (as kids) and Laszlo had given them 1 half each of a torn dollar bill to remind them that they would both get his inheritance.. Having deduced that Jimmy faked his death, Laszlo abducts Cynthia and threatens Oz to try to learn Jimmy's location, but Oz escapes. A desperate Oz contacts Jimmy and Jill, but Jimmy refuses to help until Laszlo's men attack, having followed Oz to Jimmy. It is implied that Cynthia's is pregnant with Jimmy's kid and the reason Jimmy couldn't have sex with Jill for a year was that he was having sex with Cynthia. The trio leave Oz's Porsche and board a bus to LA.
Capturing Laszlo's remaining son Strabovitz (Frank Collison) (who was in charge of keeping Cynthia in custody till Laszlo killed Jimmy. Cynthia convinces Strabo that his dad treats him like a moron and he goes to the bus station to confront him, where Jimmy was waiting. However, while CYnthia is alone she searches for something and cant find it), Jimmy offers to trade Strabo for Cynthia. Laszlo gets home before Cynthia can escape. The trio and Strabo check into a motel. Oz triggers further conflict between Jimmy and Jill when he reveals Jimmy still wears a crucifix from Cynthia. At a bar, Jimmy becomes increasingly depressed at his failure to father a child with Jill, and aggravates Oz by discussing his and Cynthia's old sex life, culminating in Oz and Jimmy becoming so drunk they wake up in the same bed.
Frustrated by her poor sex life with Jimmy, Jill attempts to seduce Oz but is interrupted by Jimmy, who knocks Oz out and regains his passion for Jill and his work as the two have sex in the bathroom. Re-arming themselves at Oz's house, the three are attacked by an unknown marksman and Strabo is killed in the crossfire (he had escaped and was hiding in the trunk of Oz' car). Jimmy insults Jill's capabilities and coldly dismisses Oz; Jill leaves. Jimmy realizes that Jill has taken Jimmy's bag, which has one half of a dollar note. Jimmy calls Jill and she wants to know everything. Jimmy says he wanted to protect Jill, and Jill is angry that he trusted Cynthia, instead of her. Oz retreats to his practice where he is met by Jimmy, who apologizes for recent events. The two are chloroformed by Oz's new receptionist Julie (Tasha Smith), revealed to be the sister of Frankie Figgs, seeking revenge for Oz and Jimmy's role in her brother's death.
Waking up beside Cynthia and Jimmy in Laszlo's apartment, Oz is shocked to learn that the entire situation has been planned by Jimmy and Cynthia to find Laszlo's half of the first dollar he ever stole, which he had torn and divided between Jimmy and Yanni as kids. As Laszlo prepares to kill them, Jill arrives, having tied up Strabo's body in her car with explosives to appear alive, and threatens to detonate unless Laszlo releases Oz and Cynthia. Asking to join Laszlo's organization, Jill is ordered by Laszlo to kill Jimmy, who tells her she'll never be a successful hitter before she shoots him in the heart.
Jill's car explodes as Laszlo's men try release Strabo, revealing Jill was in on the plan and shot Jimmy with blanks. Jules is exposed as the shooter who killed Strabo, and Laszlo shoots her. Jimmy, unable to kill the man who raised him, has Jill shoot Laszlo in the foot. Jimmy and Cynthia further reveal that Laszlo's half of the dollar combines with Jimmy's to reveal the number for a $280 million bank account in the Cayman Islands. Jill reveals she is pregnant, and the four drive away as Laszlo is arrested.
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