Nick is a struggling dentist in Canada. A new neighbor moves in, and he discovers that it is Jimmy "The Tulip" Teduski. His wife convinces him to go to Chicago and inform the mob boss who wants Jimmy dead.
An aging alcoholic cop is assigned the task of escorting a witness from police custody to a courthouse 16 blocks away. There are, however, chaotic forces at work that prevent them from making it in one piece.
Coming from a police family, Tom Hardy ends up fighting his uncle after the murder of his father. Tom believes the killer is another cop, and goes on the record with his allegations. Demoted then to river duty, the killer taunts Tom.
Sarah Jessica Parker,
Thanks to falsified dental records supplied by his former neighbor Nicholas "Oz" Oseransky (Matthew Perry), retired hit man Jimmy "The Tulip" Tudeski (Bruce Willis) now spends his days compulsively cleaning his house and perfecting his culinary skills with his wife, Jill, a purported assassin who has yet to pull off a clean hit. Suddenly, an uninvited and unwelcome connection to their past unexpectedly shows up on Jimmy and Jill's doorstep: it's Oz, and he's begging them to help him rescue his wife from the Hungarian mob. To complicate matters even further, the men, who are out to get Oz, are led by Lazlo Gogolak (Kevin Pollak), a childhood rival of Jimmy's and another notorious hit man. Oz, Jimmy and Jill will have to go the whole nine yards--and then some--to manage the mounting Mafioso mayhem. Written by
Sujit R. Varma
Not much nutrition here, I'm afraid. Kapner really stretches this stuff thin - as thin as cardboard, and about as tasteless.
This time there are more borrowings - the hapless Perry plays it more or less as Belushi's part in "The Man With One Red Shoe". Pollack wears the Sopranos 'Uncle Junior' glasses, and he has nowhere to go but in the direction of greater and greater excess. The gangsters and hit men all have post-"Analyze This" issues.
On the plus side, Willis knows he has to mix things up, so he plays this as though he's 'outside' the narrative, and 'in his own movie' - playing it more between the movie reality and us. Peet competently keeps up her end of the equation.
But this is beyond anyone's skill to save - not enough calories here to thrive on.
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