Nick is a struggling dentist in Canada. A new neighbor moves in, and he discovers that it is Jimmy "The Tulip" Teduski. His wife convinces him to go to Chicago and inform the mob boss who wants Jimmy dead.
An aging alcoholic cop is assigned the task of escorting a witness from police custody to a courthouse 16 blocks away. There are, however, chaotic forces at work that prevent them from making it in one piece.
Coming from a police family, Tom Hardy ends up fighting his uncle after the murder of his father. Tom believes the killer is another cop, and goes on the record with his allegations. Demoted then to river duty, the killer taunts Tom.
Sarah Jessica Parker,
Thanks to falsified dental records supplied by his former neighbor Nicholas Oz Oseransky, retired hitman Jimmy The Tulip Tudeski now spends his days compulsively cleaning his house and perfecting his culinary skills with his wife, Jill, a purported assassin who has yet to pull off a clean hit. Suddenly, an uninvited and unwelcome connection to their past unexpectedly shows up on Jimmy and Jill's doorstep: it's Oz, and he's begging them to help him rescue his wife from the Hungarian mob. To complicate matters even further, the men, who are out to get Oz, are led by Lazlo Gogolak, a childhood rival of Jimmy's and another notorious hitman. Oz, Jimmy and Jill will have to go the whole nine yards--and then some--to manage the mounting Mafioso mayhem. Written by
Sujit R. Varma
Give a 1,000 copies of this film to Al Qaeda and they'll beg for mercy.
Sometimes sequels to good films should not be released... examples: "The Sting 2," "Sister Act 2," "Another 48 Hours," "Dirty Dancing - Havana Nights," "Grumpier Old Men," etc. The latter (Grumpier) was directed by THIS director - that should serve as an omen, for sure.
Thank God Almighty I did not spend a dime on this rental with my Blockbuster Freedom Pass - something I highly recommend if you are frequently unsure of what to rent. This was a movie both me and my wife wanted badly to see, but (luckily) missed in the theaters. We saw the ad for it out on DVD and were excited about renting it. The multiple copies were amazingly all rented out (lots of suckers in this world) and (unluckily), I got one coming back just as I was returning another stinker my tween daughter picked out, "Confessions Of A Teenage Drama Queen." I mouthed my complaints a few times last night as it (Confessions) being one of the worst movies I had seen in recent memory. My sincerest apologies to my daughter... that movie was Oscar-worthy when compared to this film. OMG, watching this film was gut-wrenchingly torturous. I laughed (admittedly) at this supposed-comedy TWO times (my wife three times)... for no more than a second or two, while the original film made us both laugh almost continuously throughout.
The screenwriter obviously stole the entire story of the original (Whole Nine Yards) film's French protégé' - this I know, because the story writing of this unnecessary sequel was nothing even close to this film's view-worthy predecessor. I feel so sorry for those actors who could not have been paid enough to return and act in this awfully-scripted sequel. If a joke was not funny at first, the screenwriter kept dredging it back up over and over ad nausea. To make matters worse, he even did a retelling of the events to Oz (played by Matthew Perry) the dentist's receptionist/assistant, as if we left the theater and returned, I guess - fat chance of returning. A good example of how poorly written this screenplay is... they (the main characters) argued over accidentally locking a bad guy in the trunk of their car for a scene that went on (seemingly) forever, in fact, in the scene following, they were STILL arguing that irrelevant point. The story was so loosely tied together and with Kevin Pollack's horrendously overacted "bad poppa" type of character, this movie almost instantly became ingraining on my nerves, causing me a headache. This review is my headache and bellyache therapy, I guess.
Had I actually paid for a ticket at the theater, I would have asked the manager for my money back or comp passes (along with some Excedrin and Alka Seltzer) after thirty minutes, if I lasted that long, complaining of becoming ill and unable to finish the movie. I kept watching the DVD counter, waiting for this movie to mercifully end. Although my wife would not admit it, I think she was thinking the same thing. My advice
see the first one and leave well enough alone - like the Dodgers
SHOULD have done with their nearly-perfect 2004 team at the trade deadline. The "Whole Nine Yards" was not a classic by any means, but it was well worth its money in full - however "The Whole Ten Yards" was not even worth being paid to view. Not quite as bad as "Tentacles" which is still laughably the worst movie I have ever seen, but then again, this movie wasn't even laughable... just painful. (1/10)
Ted in Gilbert, AZ
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