Over the Hedge (2006)
Hammy the Squirrel: What is that?
RJ: That, my friend, is a magical combination of corn flour, dehydrated cheese solids, BHA, BHT, and good old MSG; a.k.a., the chip, nacho cheese flavor.
Gladys: [after installing a lot of traps] What about this one, this Depelter Turbo?
Dwayne: That's a contraband item, ma'am, as it is illegal in every state,
[with his hand over his heart]
Dwayne: except Texas.
Gladys: I don't care if this violates the Geneva Conventions, I want it.
Dwayne: I thought you might, so I took the liberty of installing it for you.
[as he tosses a stuffed bear in it]
Dwayne: Adios, animal infenstation.
RJ: [it traps it] AHHHHH!
Gladys: [we see it in a cage, with outside burned off] Ohhh, very nice.
Ozzie: But this house is like a fortress. Walls, so high. Doors, impenetrable. How will we get in?
RJ: The collar is the key.
[Shows video on cell phone of Tiger entering door]
RJ: Literally, the collar is like a key that opens the door, and if...
Stella: And what? You think he's just gonna hand over his collar to you?
RJ: Not to me, my femme fatale. To you.
RJ: You, Stella, will get that cat to give you his collar by using...
Stella: My stink.
RJ: ...your feminine charms.
Hammy the Squirrel: Ha ha ha! - Was that out loud?
Stella: So, you got a name?
Tiger: Yes. It is a Persian name, for I am Persian. I was born Prince Tigeriess Mahmood Shabaz.
Stella: Ooh, that's a mouthful. Can I just call you Tiger?
Vincent: So I was just on my way down here to kill you, and I stopped to watch the show, and I gotta say... that right there, is a thing of beauty. That is the most vicious, deceitful, self-serving thing I've ever seen.
Vincent: Classic RJ. You take the food, and they take the fall. You keep this up, your gonna end up just like me. Having everything you ever wanted.
RJ: But I already had that.
Vincent: What, them? Who are you kidding? You said it yourself, you're a family of one. Always will be. It's how guys like you and me survive. So a few saps got hurt in the process. Tough. That's life. Trust me, you don't need them.
RJ: Actually, I do. And right now, they really need me. So I really need this!
[Takes the wagon with all the food]
Verne: [to RJ] You see what you've done here? If they listen to half the stuff you're telling them, they'll be dead within a week! You are only interested in taking advantage of them because they are too stupid and naive to know any better!
Hammy the Squirrel: [growing solemn] I'm not stupid.
Verne: [noting the family's reaction] Okay, I didn't mean, uh... I meant... ignorant! To the... ways over... over, over there.
[they begin walking away]
Verne: C'mon you guys, you know I didn't mean it like that. Don't... don't do this. Stella... Ozzie?
Verne: Hammy? You know I didn't... Hammy?
Hammy the Squirrel: [pushes him away] I'm not stupid...
RJ: [showing the other animals around the houses] They *always* got food with them. We eat to live - these guys live to eat! Let me show you what I'm talking about!
RJ: [as he speaks he shows the other animals what humans do] The human mouth is called a 'piehole', the human being is called a 'couch potato'.
RJ: [signifies telephone] *That* is a device to summon food.
RJ: [signifies doorbell] That is one of the many voices of food.
RJ: [signifies front door] *That* is the portal for the passing of food.
RJ: [signifies delivery truck] *That* is one of the many food transportation vehicles. Humans bring the food, take the food, ship the food, they drive food, they wear the food!
RJ: [signifies grill] *That* gets the food hot!
RJ: [signifies cooler] *That* keeps the food cold!
RJ: [signifies turtle pinata] *That*... I'm not sure what that is.
RJ: [kids break the turtle piñata and Verne yells] Well, what do you know? FOOD!
RJ: [signifies table where family prays before dinner] *That* is the altar where they WORSHIP food!
RJ: [signifies advert for Seltzer] That's what they eat when they've eaten TOO MUCH food!
RJ: [signifies treadmill] *That* gets rid of the guilt so they can eat MORE FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! FOOOOOD! So, you think they have enough?
RJ: [everybody nods] Well, they don't. For humans, enough is *never* enough! And what do they do with the stuff they don't eat? They put it in gleaming silver cans, just for us!
RJ: [opens the thrash cans and knocks them over] Dig in!
Stella: I'm gonna gas you so hard your grandchildren will stink!
Stella: [to Verne] Oh, so we're supposed to go hungry just because your butt's vibrating!
Hammy the Squirrel: [Slipping on kitchen floor] No grip! No grip! No grip!...
RJ: Hammy, less claw, more pad.
Hammy the Squirrel: Oh, okay.
[Hammy zips across the room, crashes into wall]
Hammy the Squirrel: That hurt.
RJ: Something you said yesterday really touched me right here. It starts with an F, remember what that was?
RJ: Yeah yeah right that. You see Verne I use to have had all that. My own place, surrounded by loved ones, universal remote. But all that went away with... the weed hacker incident.
RJ: Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on. The what is what?
Verne: Whenever something doesn't feel right, my tail tingles. And let me tell you something, everything you've said so far is driving my tail crazy.
RJ: [after making him look like a rabid squirrel] Now show me that vicious look in your eye, boy. Come on!
Hammy the Squirrel: Oh, oh, I can burp my ABC's
Hammy the Squirrel: A, B, C...
RJ: HAMMY! I just really need you to focus right now, okay?
Hammy the Squirrel: Okay.
Police Officer: Now you do realize that was a Depelter Turbo.
Gladys: Officer, please. This Verminator sold it to me.
Police Officer: Hey, hey, it was in your yard, your name's on the contract, so you can tell it to the judge.
Gladys: Oh please, it's not my fault, let go of me don't do this to me...
Police Officer: Ma'am...
Gladys: [yelling] You can't do this to me! I am president of the Homeowners Association!
Dwayne: [quietly as she is fighting the police] Get her.
[he climbs over a fence and accidently steps on a squeak toy]
Nugent the Dog: Play.
Dwayne: Oh, no, no, no, no, no...
[there is a bite heard]
Mackenzie: [to her mom after Hammy, RJ, and Vern stole their cookies] There, there, that's where the squirrel attacked us, and he had like rabies or something, and then there was this gross, naked amphibian thing...
Verne: [quietly] Reptile.
Gladys: I'm sorry Janis, did I just hear them say *rabid squirrel*?
Janis: Oh, I think they're proabably just over reacting.
Gladys: But what if they're not? What if we a potential pandemic on our hands, vermin running loose, spreading disease and lowering our property values?
Janis: Yeah, I have a casserole in the oven, gotta run.
Gladys: Fine, you worry about your casserole, and I'll worry about *the end of suburban peace and tranquility*!
Verne: [after getting chased away] See what I mean? That's what I was talking about. These humans don't want us *around*.
RJ: So we scared her and she over-reacted, no biggy.
Verne: No biggy? No that's what we call a biggy.
RJ: C'mon, think about the food, it was worth it for that food, that stuff is to die for.
[Ozzy faints and Heather rolls her eyes]
RJ: Let me rephrase that.
Verne: No, to die for, you nailed that part. Look, maybe our little forest life seems primative to a guy with a bag.
Verne: But I think I speak for all of us when I say that we want *nothing* to do with *anything* that's *over that hedge*.
[they begin to walk away]
RJ: Oh come on. You haven't even tried doughnuts yet. You wanna store some fat, that is the way to store some fat, you'll be sweating through the winter.
[they don't listen]
RJ: Okay, okay you guys sleep on it. Good idea, I'm gonna check back with you.
RJ: Shoot! Almost had them.
Hammy the Squirrel: Oh! Morning!
Verne: Morning, Hammy.
Hammy the Squirrel: I gotta go wee-wee!
Verne: Oh... Not on the lake we drink from!
RJ: Vincent, wait! I can get it all back! That's right. If you eat me, you'd have to do it. But I can get it, all of it.
Vincent: My red wagon?
Vincent: The blue cooler?
RJ: Blue cooler. On my list! Gotta be blue?
Vincent: Yes! And I want my Spuddies. I love those things. 'Cause with a Spuddie, enough just isn't enough.
RJ: So true. Painfully true. And I'll tell you what. I'm gonna get you the giant picnic pack, family-fun size.
Vincent: They have that?
RJ: I'm pretty sure.
Vincent: All right, R.J. I'm going back to sleep. When that moon is full, I'm waking up, and all my stuff had better be right back where it was.
RJ: But that's just one week! That's impossible for one guy!
[Vincent squeezes on RJ's head]
RJ: A week's perfect. I'll get some helpers.
Vincent: Full moon, all my stuff. And don't even think about running away, because if you do, I will hunt you down and kill you.
RJ: Please don't think I'm prying, but I couldn't help overhearing, and I think I can shed a little light on what this whole hedge situation is about. You see, what was once mere wilderness is now 54 acres of man-made, manicured, air-conditioned paradise.
[Points at map]
RJ: Except for that little-bitty speck. You are here.
RJ: No, no, that's a good thing. You're hibernators, right? You gather up a bunch of food, store it away for the winter?
Hammy the Squirrel: Aha! We fill the log!
RJ: Really? This log? This cave-like log?
Ozzie: All the way to the top.
RJ: Let me ask ya, how long's it take, you know, to fill the log?
Heather: Two-hundred and seventy-four days.
RJ: Ooh! Ever done it in a week?
Verne: That's impossible.
RJ: Not if we work together. You see, you've got the food-gathering skills, I've got the know-how, and they have the food.
Heather: How much food?
RJ: Loads of food! Heaps of food! Food out the wazoo!
Verne: Well, you know, whatever kind of food comes out of a wazoo, I really don't think we're interested in eating.
Lou: I don't know. The guy's making a lot of sense to me. I think we should listen.
Penny: Yeah. I'm okay with wazoo food there.
RJ: Now if a human does happen to see you, just lay down, roll over and give your privates a good licking. They love it!
Dwayne: What do we have here?
Dwayne: Didelphis marsupialis virginianus. Aproximately ten pounds.
Gladys: I think it's dead.
Dwayne: Oh, really? Do you in fact have a associates degree from VermTech? I think he wants you to think he's dead.
Ozzie: O great and powerful Steve! What do you want?
Verne: I-I don't think it can speak.
Debbie: [From other side of hedge] I heard that, young man!
[Others are shocked; Ozzie plays dead]
Debbie: You get over here right now!
Hammy the Squirrel: Okay.
Verne: Hammy, get back here.
Hammy the Squirrel: But Steve is angry.
Verne: I think it came from the other side of Steve - I mean, the bush. I mean... Geez!
RJ: [after Verne falls off his shell again] What is the point of this thing?
Verne: My head says listen to my tail, my tail says listen to my head, and I just... end up with an upset stomach.
Dr. Dennis: [On TV] Get real, Kevin, 'cause when you feel like a dirtbag, it's because you're a dirtbag. Right? So just own it. Say it out loud: "I am a dirtbag."
Lou: Dirtbag? I don't think that guy's a real doctor.
Gladys: [On phone] The homeowners charter, which you signed, says the grass is supposed to be two inches, and according to my measuring stick, yours is two-point-five.
Verne: So he can do a couple of tricks. I mean, it's not like he can walk on water.
RJ: [Walking across a pool on floats] Hey, everybody! This way to the food!
Lou: Hey, Verno. I took a few clippings out of my quills to do a little comparison. Look at this, the grass seems to be greener over here.
RJ: And there they are. America's most coveted cookies. Love Handles, Skinny Mints, Neener-Neeners, and Smackeroons. And guess what? They're all yours!
[Hammy jumps, but RJ stops him]
RJ: Whoa, Hamilton. Hold on there, fella. I love your energy, but you just can't take them.
Hammy the Squirrel: But you just said they're mine.
RJ: They will be, if we successfully marry your manic energy to my brilliant plan. You with me, kid?
Hammy the Squirrel: I... I... I...
RJ: The ayes have it. Let's ride.
Verne: [when questioned about the food] I returned it to its rightful owner.
Heather: We, like, worked our tails off, y'know? Like a lot! And the food we gathered was totally... you know! And you're, you're all whatever!
RJ: Now listen, champ. Okay, what we're goin' for here is a vicious, man-eating, rabid squirrel. Can you handle that?
Hammy the Squirrel: Umm, excuse me!
RJ: Yes, Hammy?
Hammy the Squirrel: Rabbits aren't vicious. They're all cute and cuddly, so...
RJ: *Rabid*, not rabbit.
Hammy the Squirrel: Oh! Huh?
RJ: No, Hammy, not the cookie. I told you that cookie was junk!
Hammy the Squirrel: But I like the cookie.
RJ: That is an S.U.V; Humans ride in then because they are slowly losing their ability to walk.
Penny: Jeepers, its so big!
Lou: How many humans fit in there?
RJ: Usually, one.
Dwayne: [after shooting the head off a plastic flamingo] Arrrgh! Not again! Those things are so lifelike! Curse you, plastic moldsmen.
Hammy the Squirrel: I am a crazy, rabid squirrel! I want my cookies!
Ozzie: Mother, is that you? Beckoning me into the light? Must... move... toward... the light!
RJ: [Lays down some Monopoly play pieces to signify what they will do] Okay, this is us.
Hammy the Squirrel: Can I be the car?
Bucky: I wanna be the car!
Spike: I'm the car. You be the shoe.
Bucky: The shoe is lame.
Lou: Why don't you be that snazzy-looking iron there?
RJ: Hey! It's not important. Besides, I'm the car. I'm *always* the car.
Dwayne: I believe someone phoned about an animal problem? The solution is standing before you. Dwayne LaFontaine is here.
Gladys: Where have you been? I am throwing a Welcome to the Neighborhood party tomorrow, and so far, Debbie's car has killed more animals than you have.
Dwayne: Stand down, sister. I personally guarantee that there won't be a living thing at this party. The Verminator is on the job.
Verne: It's the first day of spring. Only 274 days left until winter.
Verne: I thought we'd be dead by step two, so this is going great.
Doll: [RJ gets string caught on a Y-shaped stick] Let's play!
Nugent the Dog: Play?
[camera perspective changes]
Nugent the Dog: Play! Play! Play!
Verne: [beneath the window] Bear!
RJ: What's that?
RJ: Oh, *BEAR*!
RJ: Now, the traps are set here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here. Here, here, here, here, big one here, here, and maybe a few over here.
Stella: Gee, it's that all?
RJ: No. There's bunch of red lights all over here. You OK, Verne? Look a little green.
Verne: I blacked out for a second there, but... I get the idea: there's lights, traps and I might need to change my shell.
Hammy the Squirrel: [Runs to one end of the hedge] It never ends!
[Runs to the other end and back]
Hammy the Squirrel: It never ends that way, too.
RJ: Do you like the cookie?
Hammy the Squirrel: I like the cookie!
RJ: [Throws cookie away] Well this cookie's yuck!
Hammy the Squirrel: But I thought I liked the cookie...
Bucky: [while driving the van, the others are arguing] Hey, no fighting while we're driving!
Spike: We will turn this car around, mister!
Lou: [points at Verne] He started it.
Tiger: Shoo, go on, get away from here. My owner does not give scraps to common strays.
Stella: Common strays? Alright, you asked for it...
[turns and raises rear]
RJ: [whispers] Get the collar!
Stella: Gee, that's a nice collar you got on. Mind if I have a look?
Tiger: No-no-no-no-no! Come no closer! I must not be so near a creature of the outdoor woods.
Tiger: Away with your filth!
Stella: My filth? My *filth*?
Penny: Oh jeepers here we go.
Stella: Okay, that's it. I'm sick and tired of everybody taking one look at me and running away 'cause they think I'm filthy. Well I got news for you: I didn't get primped and preened to have some overfed, pompous puffball tell me he's too good for me. I've got makeup on my *butt*, dude! And you don't even want to know about the cork!
Tiger: Stop! No one has *ever* spoken to me like that!
Tiger: It is bold... I like it.
Stella: Yeah? Well, there's more where that came from, uh... puffball!
[Leads him away from the door]
Tiger: You're strong. Your essence is overpowering.
Stella: [pushes tail down] Wh-what do you mean by that?
Tiger: It is your eyes.
Stella: My eyes?
Tiger: They are... luminous.
Stella: Luminous... Dang.
Tiger: Stella? Stella? Where are you going? Stella? STEEEELLLLLLAAAAAAA!
RJ: [Verne is about to eat a diaper] That's a diaper, and that *does* come out of a wazoo.
Stella: You mean you don't mind the smell?
Tiger: This face was bred for Beauty. I cannot smell a thing.
RJ: [to Verne] *You*, my friend, are a natural. Or should I say au naturel?
[Verne realizes he is naked and his shell is on the curb]
Hammy the Squirrel: I've had dirt, I don't like dirt, it tastes like dirt!
Verne: We want *nothing*, to do with *anything*, that's *over that hedge*!
Hammy the Squirrel: [points angrily to his reflection in a car fender] *This* guy's not comin' with us, is he? 'Cause I don't want him to!
RJ: [exasperated] Oh, I have so much work to do.
Hammy the Squirrel: I filled the log! I found my nuts!
Hammy the Squirrel: [looking at the bigh bush] Lets call it Steve!
Hammy the Squirrel: Steve's a pretty name!
Heather: [Locked in a cage, about to be driven off for extermination] I don't want to die, Dad. Not for real...
[Verne feels like ther is something wrong]
Verne: My tail is tingling!
[RJ is trying to get a snack from the snack machine and it breaks]
RJ: No! Come on!
[after the credits, RJ tries to take all the food in the vending machine, but they get stuck]
Hammy the Squirrel: Well, this is anti-climactic
Verne: Come on, you guys!
[Tries to be intimidating]
Verne: Don't make me come in there!
Stella: [Heard beneath the leaves] Y'all better listen... I've been holding something in all winter and I'm about to LET IT OUT!
Penny: [Animals scatter from under leaves] Whoa!
Ozzie: She means it!
[as the leaves and dust settles, Stella is shown in her "firing" position]
Verne: [Politely and grateful] Thank you, Stella!
Stella: [Nonchalantly] Oh, I can clear a room, Verne. That much I can do!
Stella: [Stamping toward the hedge, getting into her "firing" position] All right, Steve... you brought this on yourself!
Stella: [to Tiger] Look, its not you. It... it won't work, OK? Because I'm a... a...
Gladys: [walks in, sees Stella] *Skunk!*
Stella: Yeah, that.
Vincent: RJ? The moon's not full yet...
[notices RJ has his food]
Vincent: RJ. Don't tell me you're dumb enough to come up here and steal my stuff. RJ? I'm gonna have to kill you.
[Advances on RJ]
RJ: WAIT! The food is still in the cave, so technically, not stolen!
[accidentally bumps into the wagon, sending it down the hill]
RJ: Oh no, no, no, no! STOP!
[the wagon stops, RJ and Vincent chuckle nervously at each other until a truck destroys the wagon and food]
RJ: Please, Vincent! I'm just a desperate guy trying to feed his family!
Vincent: You don't have a family, RJ.
RJ: I meant a family of one.