Be quiet. Okay.
The Museum of the Dead. Open Halloween night only. Oohh. From sundown to sun-up. Come and celebrate el da de los...
El Dia de los Muertos.
Whatever. The Day of the Dead. This sounds spooky.
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According to the DVD cover, Museum of the Dead is 'from the producer of Creepshow', who I imagined must have fallen on really hard times to be involved in such obviously amateurish crud. A little post-viewing investigation, however, soon revealed the truth: this execrable excuse for a horror movie isn't from the people who produced the 1982 George Romero classic, but rather the abysmal abortion of a movie that was Creepshow IIIand anyone who has had the misfortune of seeing that garbage will know exactly what level of professionalism this means.
Hard as it might be to imagine, Museum of the Dead, directed by James Glenn Dudelson (a name I won't forget in a hurry) is actually worse than Creepshow III, a joyless, scare-free effort boasting the ugliest opening credits ever, terrible editing (used in a desperate attempt to disguise the woeful nature of the practical effects and pitiful action), dreadful performances from a cast of complete nobodies, terrible set design, and thoroughly unconvincing props (plastic joke shop skulls; a magical bracelet that looks like it came from Claire's Accessories; supposedly ancient murals that are as vibrant as the day they were paintedwhich was most likely the day before shooting).
As far as the action is concerned, anyone brave or stupid enough to pop this worthless sucker into their player will be confronted by the following mind numbingly inane content: endless shots of star Tanya Vidal running through drab corridors (I use the plural, but I suspect that there was really only the one corridor, shot from a variety of angles) which becomes extremely tiresome even though she's wearing a tight vest that accentuates her fine rack; a series of repetitive attacks by crap zombies played by a bunch of losers who can't even shuffle their feet convincingly; and sporadic encounters with a pair of spear-carrying female warriors and a cannibalistic bald dude with blue teeth whose appearance always coincides with a nauseatingly cheap and nasty video effect.
With all of that going on, Museum of the Dead has definitely earned itself a place in my top twenty list of worst horrors, and given how much rubbish I've watched over the years, that's quite the achievement.
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