- Homer Simpson: Boy, remember what daddy told you about being responsible and showing up for work on time? Well it's all a lie.
- Bart Simpson: Homer, that's America to me.
- Homer Simpson: [driving into Mr. Burns' garden to destroy his statues] You'll know my name when we're finished here Burns!
- Abraham Simpson: DMV please! I like to wait in line.
- Krusty the Clown: Ugh, I once nailed a groupie there!
- Bart Simpson: Krusty! What's up with Springfield's greatest entertainer?
- Krusty the Clown: Plenty, thanks to Viagra!
- Marge: Grandpa, what are you doing outside?
- Abraham Simpson: [concerned and obviously confused] I don't know!
- Barney: Can you take me to church? I did something last night I need to confess - but I don't remember what it was.
- Quimby: [gets into Abraham's vehicle] Hello there. Can you take me to the nearest eating establishment?
- Abraham Simpson: Back in my day we called sandwiches "flat bready". It cost four playing cards a bite.
- [last lines]
- Mr. Burns: I've had it with you people complaining about my "scary glowing buses"! I haven't seen a display of civil disobedience this comptemptable since the Summer of love. You want the Transit system back? Then take it! But don't think for a moment, that you've seen the last of Monty Burns!
- [Mr. Burns laughes evilly and pulls a switch, opening a trap door]
- Mr. Burns: [after you avoid Mr. Burns while chasing you] Steal my passengers, will you? We'll see about that!
- Mr. Burns: Well thank you very much Mr. 'I'm too good to ride the bus'! I hope you asphyxiate on your exhaust fumes and die a horrible death!