Oliver Beene (2003–2004)
[on walking in on his parents having sex]
Oliver: Oh my god you're killing each other.
Narrator - Adult Oliver: I realized whenever Coach wanted to insult you he would call you by a certain junk food he was craving.
Jerry: You dropped out of junior college.
Charlotte: To have your baby.
Jerry: Oh sure blame it on Ted.
Narrator - Adult Oliver: An old proverb goes, "bring me the boy at ten and I'll show you the man he will one day become."
[Jerry has just walked in on Ted making out with an African-American girl]
Jerry Beene: What have you got to say for yourself?
Ted Beene: Don't you people ever knock?
Narrator - Adult Oliver: Black, white, or Martian green, one thing is for sure; a bunch of kids pouring gasoline into a rocket is never a good idea.
Narrator: Last time Dad drank gin, he spent all of the next day in the can.
[Jerry is head-first in a trash can]
Michael: Sweetie, the thing about colors is, you can't wear them all at the same time.