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Return to the Batcave: The Misadventures of Adam and Burt (TV Movie 2003) Poster

Quotes

Adam West: [after driving all night to the Arizona border in the search for the Batmobile] I think the clue is in our past, somewhere...

Burt Ward: What's this?

[removes flyer from under the car's windshield wiper]

Adam West: ...we still have to find it.

Burt Ward: [reads flyer] Hey Adam, look. The Highway to Arizona Bar is having a Happy Hour. Great place. Just down the street from the car museum.

Adam West: [grabs flyer and reads it with stunned disbelief] You... you... you *knew* about that place?

Burt Ward: [not getting it] Yeah. Why?

Adam West: [aggravated] Oh!

Burt Ward: [thinks about it and realizes they've driven all night for nothing] Ohhhhhhhhhhhh!

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Adam West: [after meeting on the set for the first time] Why don't we take some time and discuss our approaches to the role?

Burt Ward: Well, I just plan on saying my lines.

[sees looks of surprise on faces of West and director]

Burt Ward: Is there more to it than that?

Adam West: [trying to put it delicately] Uhhh, well, yeah. Maybe a little

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Adam West: [reading an invitation left on his front door] Alfred! I need you!

[opens closet]

Adam West: Ah, what to wear?

[sees one suit]

Adam West: Eh, too flashy.

[sees another one]

Adam West: Too stuffy.

[sees another one]

Adam West: Too formal.

[comes across his old Batman costume]

Adam West: Too retro.

Jerry the Butler: [patiently after coming into the room] It's not Alfred, Mister West. It's Jerry. Alfred was the guy on the tv-show.

Adam West: There's a charity event at the car museum tonight. It seems I'm expected.

Jerry the Butler: [reads invitation] A little last minute, isn't it?

Adam West: Charity doesn't punch a clock, my friend.

Jerry the Butler: I guess you'll be needing your tuxedo.

Adam West: Nooo. I think something a little more in keeping with the times. Something a little less formal. Something... Clooneyish.

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[Adam and Burt are sitting in the Batmobile at the charity event]

Burt Ward: Wow. You know, it seems like almost yesterday.

Adam West: Almost thirty-five years Burt. Time tumbles by.

Burt Ward: You know I forget what some of these buttons do.

Adam West: I wouldn't touch those if I were...

[Burt presses a button and oil slick sprays out onto the crowd]

Burt Ward: Ohhhhhhhhhhhh! Sorry, I didn't know it was loaded.

Adam West: That's why they usually left the driving to me.

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Valet parker: Hey, if you're looking for the Batmobile, it went that way.

Adam West: [noticing he's wearing an eye patch] You have a sharp eye, my friend.

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[Adam and Burt are about to fight four henchman at the Arizona Bar]

Burt Ward: Well?

Adam West: I say we fight our way out like we always did.

Burt Ward: We had stuntmen then. Even if mine was always on a coffee break.

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Sexy fan: Can I get an autograph, too?

[exposes a portion of her left breast for Adam to sign on]

Adam West: You know this is a... permanent marker.

Sexy fan: Good. I hope it lasts forever.

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[after Adam disarms a bomb]

Burt Ward: Good thing that bomb was a fake.

[the bomb explodes and Burt is sent flying out of the cave by the blast, Adam walks out unharmed]

Burt Ward: How come you didn't get burned?

Adam West: Stuntman.

Burt Ward: [disgusted] Dang!

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[Adam and Burt are at a diner. Burt reads a menu]

Burt Ward: Holy lunch specials! Look at this.

Adam West: It appears to be a menu, Burt. Not an unusual thing in a place like this.

Burt Ward: But look what's *on* the menu, or rather *who*. A "Burgess Burger... "

Adam West: What?

Burt Ward: "Gorshin Franks and Beans... " "Cesar Romero Salad... " "Vincent Fries... " They even have drinks. Look, a "Julie New-Martini."

[Burt hands Adam the menu and Adam reads it]

Adam West: "Art Chili Con Carney... " "Zsa Zsa Gabor... " "Liberace... " All these people disguised as daily specials!

Burt Ward: Almost every actor who played a villain our characters battled.

Adam West: Battled? Yes, and triumphed over. Any one of them could still be harboring a grudge.

Burt Ward: Adam, they're only actors.

Adam West: I'm sure they'd like us to think so, Burt. But there's more here than meets the eye.

[Adam and Burt look around suspiciously]

Adam West: Very odd.

Burt Ward: What's that?

Adam West: [checking his watch] It's time for an act break, but that voice is strangely absent.

Burt Ward: *He* must be on a break.

Adam West: Possibly. But now that he's not here, I miss him.

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[after the Batmobile's been stolen and leaves fire-tire tracks]

Charity Event Host: The Batmobile's been stolen.

Adam West: [holding up his car key] Using my key.

Burt Ward: Holy tire tracks! Look, they go from two to one. It went out on two wheels. That fiend.

Adam West: He may be a fiend, but he's an excellent driver.

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Fan boy: My brother said the show's No.1. Is that true?

Burt Ward: Well, as long were No.1 with fans like you, we've done our job.

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[Burt's auditionin for the part of Robin]

Burt Ward: Uh, Robin?

Casting Director: Yeah, Batman's sidekick. You know the comic book character?

Burt Ward: You're kidding? I used to pretend I was Superboy when I was three. I'd be speeding around on my tricycle.

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Burt Ward: Good guys don't lurk!

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Adam West: We've entered the mind of a madman.

Jerry the Butler: My mind and welcome to it.

Adam West: Alfred?

Jerry the Butler: Jerry! How many times do I have to tell you? It's Jerry!

Burt Ward: The butler did it. We should've seen this coming a mile away.

Adam West: Diabolical!

Jerry the Butler: Even more than you think, Mr. West.

[Jerry unmasks himself and it is Frank Gorshin]

Burt Ward: Holy plot twist! Your butler is... Frank Gorshin?

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Adam West: Has anybody seen my bat suit?

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Burt Ward: Holy Props Department, Batman!

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Adam West: Hold it! Freeze that memory.

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Casting Director: This is your resume? There's not a lot here. Actually uh, there nothing here.

Burt Ward: Yeah, uh i really didn't know what to list. I have special skills. I uh, I can ice skate. I've been skating in shows since I was two, world's youngest professional ice skater.

Casting Director: Ah.

Burt Ward: Uh, I have a black belt in Taekwondo, I can break boards with my bare hands, breaks too, in fact... uh...

Casting Director: Uh, anything else?

Burt Ward: I can read 30, 000 words per minute.

Casting Director: Not a lot of call for that.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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