Quotes

Buddy: [phone rings, Buddy picks it up] Buddy the Elf, what's your favorite color?

Buddy: We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup.

Buddy: What about santa's cookies? I suppose parents eat those too?

Puffin: Hey Buddy wanna pick some snowberries?

Buddy: Not now Arctic Puffin!

Gimbel's Manager: [showing Buddy around the floor] This, is the North Pole.

Buddy: No it isn't.

Gimbel's Manager: Yes it is.

Buddy: No it isn't.

Gimbel's Manager: Yes it is!

Buddy: No it's not. Where's the snow?

Walter: Who sent this Christmas Gram?

Buddy: What's a Christmas Gram? I want one!

Gimbel's Manager: 6-inch ribbon curls honey.

Jovie: That's impossible.

Gimbel's Manager: 6 INCHES!

Buddy: [thinking Miles is an elf] Did you have to borrow a reindeer to get down here?

Miles Finch: Hey, jackweed, I get more action in a week than you've had in your entire life. I've got houses in L.A., Paris and Vail. In each one, a 70 inch plasma screen. So I suggest you wipe that stupid smile off your face before I come over there and SMACK it off! You feeling strong, my friend? Call me elf one more time.

Buddy: [after a pause] He's an angry elf.

[Miles promptly attacks him]

Michael: Whoa. Where did you say you were from again?

Buddy: Hi!

Deb: Hi!

Buddy: Do you remember me?

Deb: I do! I didn't recognize you!

Buddy: I know I'm in work clothes!

Walter: [whispering] I think we should call security.

Deb: [whispering] Good idea.

Buddy: [whispering] I like to whisper too!

Santa: I've been to New York thousands of times.

Buddy: Really?

Santa: Mm-hmm.

Buddy: What's it like?

Santa: Well, there are some things you should know. First off, you see gum on the street, leave it there. It isn't free candy.

Buddy: Oh.

Santa: Second, there are, like, thirty Ray's Pizzas. They all claim to be the original. But the real one's on 11th. And if you see a sign that says "Peep Show", that doesn't mean that they're letting you look at the new toys before Christmas.

Emily: You like sugar, huh?

Buddy: Is there sugar in syrup?

Emily: Yes.

Buddy: Then YES!

Buddy: I just like to smile! Smiling's my favorite.

[Buddy burps loudly]

Buddy: Did you hear that?

Elf Teacher: Now, before we learn how to build the latest in extreme graphic chipset processors, let's recite the code of the elves, shall we?

Gimbel's Manager: There's no singing in the North Pole.

Buddy: Yes there is.

Carolyn: Thanks Buddy!

Jovie: How come you were in the women's locker room this morning?

Buddy: I heard you singing.

Jovie: Are you sure it had nothing to do with the fact that I was naked in the shower?

Buddy: I didn't know you were naked.

Buddy: I thought maybe we could make ginger bread houses, and eat cookie dough, and go ice skating, and maybe even hold hands.

Buddy: First we'll make snow angels for a two hours, then we'll go ice skating, then we'll eat a whole roll of Tollhouse Cookiedough as fast as we can, and then we'll snuggle.

[reacting to sign saying "World's Best Cup of Coffee"]

Buddy: You did it! Congratulations! World's best cup of coffee! Great job, everybody! It's great to be here.

Buddy: I'm a cotton-headed ninny-muggins.

[Being beaten up by a dwarf he thinks is an elf]

Buddy: He's an *angry* elf!

Buddy: [as he is hit by a snowball] SON of a NUTcracker!

Miles Finch: [Buddy has just innocently called Miles an 'elf' because of his stature, and Miles is clearly very offended, and daring him] Call me an elf.

Buddy: You're an elf!

[Miles attacks Buddy]

[first lines]

Papa Elf: Oh, hello. You're, uh, you're probably here about the story.

[the pages flip to show Papa Elf talking to the camera]

Papa Elf: Elves love to tell stories. I-I'll bet you didn't know that about elves. There's, uh, probably a lot of things you didn't know about elves. Another, another interesting, uh, elfism, uh, there are only three jobs available to an elf. The first is making shoes at night while, you know, while the old cobbler sleeps.

[Cuts to elves doing work on the cobbler's shoes while the cobbler snores with his head on the table]

Disgruntled Cobbler Elf: Lazy bum! Couldn't even make a clog!

Papa Elf: You can bake cookies in a tree.

[Cuts to exterior view of a tree, which bursts into flames]

Papa Elf: As you can imagine, it's, uh, dangerous having an oven in an oak tree during the dry season.

[the elves inside run out screaming]

Tree Elf: I want to make shoes!

Papa Elf: But the third job, some call it, uh, "the show" or "the big dance," it's the profession that every elf aspires to. And that is to build toys in Santa's workshop.

Buddy: That's shocking!

Leon the Snowman: By the way don't eat the yellow snow.

Buddy: Oh, I know that.

Buddy: [to man on elevator] Oh, I forgot to give you a hug.

[last lines]

Papa Elf: Come here, little one. Poppy wants to see you.

Emily: We can't just throw him out in the snow.

Walter: Why not? He loves the snow. He's told me 15 times.

Eugene: [brainstorming for a new book] What about this: a tribe of asparagus children, but they're self-conscious about the way their pee smells.

Santa: Oh no, it's The Central Park Rangers

Gimbel's Manager: [after Buddy has decorated the entire toy department] Hey guys, you seen the place? Pretty good, they must have brought in a professional. I dunno why, but someone's gunning for my job. But look, let's stick together on this. If you get wind of anything, call me on my radio. Channel three, code word is "Santa's got a brand new bag".

Fulton: Even if those two pages were in there, the book still would have sucked.

Elf: It's alright, Buddy. Just how many Etch-A-Sketches did you get finished?

[Buddy silently debates his answer]

Elf: Come on, Buddy, how many?

Buddy: I made, uh... 85?

[all the elves stop their work, stare at Buddy in surprise]

Elf: 85. That puts you... 915 off the pace.

Buddy: Why don't you just say it? I'm the worst toy-maker in the world. I'm a Cotton-Headed Ninnymuggins!

Buddy: [after getting beat up by Miles Finch] He must be a South Pole elf.

Buddy: My finger has a heartbeat.

NY 1 Reporter: Well, more proof that Santa is in the park because we have his book.

Michael: What's your name.

NY 1 Reporter: Charlotte Denon. New York 1.

Michael: D, D, Charlotte Denon wants a Tiffany engagement ring and for her boyfriend to stop dragging his feet and commit already.