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Would you know what to do?

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Remake of Assists (1989) See more »

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More awful goodness from the Cult of Greed
7 July 2005 | by (Paris, France) – See all my reviews

In this film, we learn all about "assists", which is the way Scientologists claim that people can be cured of physical ailments. Supposedly if a person lightly touches you in the correct spot while thinking the proper thoughts, you can be cured.

Of course nothing in the movie is backed by scientific research. It appears to be a lunatic talking about a lot of psychobabble nonsense.

Unfortunately they neglect to mention the story of Xenu in this movie. This is a big omission, since the church believes that all physical ailments are a result of galactic overlord Xenu's h-bomb explosion of space aliens in volcanoes 75 million years ago.

All in all, the movie is funny to watch, like all of the Scienos films, but if you are going to watch it at your local Scientology "church", just make sure you leave your wallet at home, before the sticky-fingered church leaders get their grubby paws on it.


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