The Lion King 1 1/2 (2004 Video)
Timon: [singing along to opening of "The Lion King"] What's on the menu? It could be ceviche. It's stinky. Ooh it's Pumbaa.
Pumbaa: I gotta tell you, Timon, that song always gets me, right here.
Timon: Yes, Pumbaa. Well, enough of that.
[fast forwards film with his remote]
Pumbaa: Uhh, Timon, what are you doing?
Timon: I'm fast forwarding to the part where we come in.
Pumbaa: But you can't go out of order.
Timon: Au contraire, my porcine pal. I've got the remote.
Pumbaa: But everyone's gonna get confused.
[picks up his own remote and rewinds film]
Pumbaa: We gotta go back to the beginning of the story.
Timon: [fast forwarding] We're not *in* the beginning of the story.
Pumbaa: [rewinding] Yes we were, the whole time.
Timon: [fast forwarding] Yeah, but they don't know that.
Pumbaa: [rewinding] Then, why don't we tell them our story?
[Film stops during the hyena attack; Timon and Pumbaa are spooked]
Timon: Hey, I've got an idea. Why don't we tell them our story?
Pumbaa: Oh, I like the sound of that.
Timon: Hey Pumbaa, what do you call a hyena with half a brain?
Pumbaa: [laughs] Beats me, Timon. What?
[Rafiki appears before Timon from a tree]
Timon: You! No, no, don't say a word. I know what you're going to say.
Timon: Did you find Hakuna Matata?
Timon: Well, yes, I did! Thank you very much.
Timon: And I am happy. Happy, happy, deliriously happy.
Timon: Ho ha ha! I see. Happy, is it? So, if you're so happy, why do you look so miserable?
Timon: Miserable, you say? Why should I be miserable? Oh, I don't know. Maybe my two best pals in the world deserted me. Heh. They - they've headed off on some heroic mission... . My friends... . are gone.
Timon: And... . my Hakuna Matata went with them!
Rafiki: [smiles and nods]
Timon: [points to his head] Would you mind?
[bows his head down]
Rafiki: [lightly hits him on the head with his stick]
Timon: Ay. Thanks. I'm glad we had this talk.
[clicks his tongue at Rafiki and runs off screen]
Rafiki: [to the audience] My work here is done.
Pumbaa: What exactly did he say?
Timon: [mimicking Rafikki] Look beyond what you see.
Pumbaa: Good night.
Timon: Sleep tight.
Pumbaa: Dream of bedbugs tonight.
Uncle Max: Scurry, sniff... . flinch! Scurry, sniff... . flinch!
Timon: [about his species] We're so low on the food chain we're underground!
[Pumbaa, Timon, and Simba are all in a bubbling water hole]
Simba: Three pals and no worries, what more could you want?
[all sigh relaxingly]
Pumbaa: [yawns] Ah, I'm bushed.
[while getting out of water hole]
Pumbaa: I think I'll turn in for the night.
Timon: I'm out!
Simba: Right behind ya!
Mom: Everything the light touches... . belongs to someone else!
Timon: Funny, I thought you were going in a whole different direction.
Timon: [about a familiar log under the moon] I'm going to get old walking across this thing.
Mom: Uncle Max, have you seen Timon?
Uncle Max: No, I haven't... . and what a day it's been. No fractures, no lacerations, concussions, contusions of any sort. As a matter of fact there's no sign of Timon's handy-work anywhere!
Uncle Max: Timon the sentry? Why don't you save the hyenas the trouble and kill me now? JUST KILL ME NOW!
Timon: [to Mom] He has a point.
Mom: All you have to do is watch for hyenas and yell if you see one. Look at Iron Joe.
Iron Joe: [camera pans over to Iron Joe] DON'T CLOSE YOUR EYES! DON'T LOOK AWAY! SOMEBODY'S GONNA GUARD US! SOMEBODY'S GONNA PROTECT US!
Timon: [camera pans over to Timon] Well, now I'm convinced... .
Shenzi: [Timon is singing] Oh, look, it's dinner and a show!
Banzai: And I thought beans were the only musical food!
Timon: I uh, I guess I owe everyone an apology. All right so I made a teensy mistake, like we all haven't broken into song on sentry duty before uh-haha come on, let me have a show of hands! Ooook.
Timon: And so with my spirits high I boldy ventured off where no meerkat had dared to go before. I put my past behind me Ha! and never looked back.
Timon: Mommy, Mommy! What am I doing? Which way should I go?
Timon: How convenient. Enter omniscient monkey, right on cue.
Pumbaa: Well, you know what they say: "When the student is ready, the teacher appears."
Timon: That's it. No more fortune-cookies for you!
Timon: Let's go Pumbaa. I think the storm's coming to a head.
[in the background the clouds are shaping to form Mufasa's head]
Timon: Just eat me now and please make it fast, I have a low threshold for pain.
Timon: It was a wonderful phrase. It has some rhythm. Laduda Ladada. No, that wasn't it.
[Timon and Pumbaa have found their dream home; Timon is talking to himself, Pumbaa is making a celebration supper]
Timon: The monkey was right! We found it! The perfect life!
Pumbaa: I'll just whip up a little something.
Timon: He had the perfect name for it, too.
Pumbaa: Come and get it!
Timon: [sits at a rock] Such a wonderful phrase. It had this rhythm. Laduda Ladada.
Pumbaa: Try this - hot tuna frittata.
Timon: Hmm. No, that's not it.
Pumbaa: The spinach armada.
Timon: Quiet, Pumbaa. I'm trying to think.
Pumbaa: A spoon of ricotta.
Timon: Two words.
Pumbaa: A wormy piccata.
Timon: Six syllables.
Pumbaa: Kahuna colada.
Timon: Twelve letters.
Pumbaa: A blue enchilada.
Timon: Rhymes with... .
Pumbaa: Legumes on a platter.
Timon: Think, think, think.
Pumbaa: [poking a dish] This oughta be hotta.
Timon: I forget.
Pumbaa: I gotta lambada!
[dances right into Timon]
Timon: HEY! How can you dance at a time like this? I'm DYIN' here!... . Ooh, sorry about that, pal.
Pumbaa: Hakuna Matata.
Timon: ....Come again?
Pumbaa: Hakuna Matata - It means "no worries". Ah-ohhhh... .
Mom: Something's different about Timon.
Uncle Max: You think?
Uncle Max: [shouting] He's wearing a dress!
Uncle Max: We're food for other animals! A moveable feast, feared by no-one and eaten by all!
Timon: But when they die, they become the grass, and we eat the grass, right?
Uncle Max: Not exactly. We can't digest grass. We're grass intolerant.
Timon: It's as if you have some special power.
Pumbaa: Uh, special power? well, it's pretty powerful.
Timon: So, that's your special power?
Pumbaa: You mean, you don't mind?
Timon: Are you kidding? It was a gas!
Pumbaa: Well, I don't like to toot my own horn.
Timon: Yeah, that's probably for the best.
Pumbaa: After a long day of doing nothing, it's good to kick back.
Uncle Max: Now what do we do if we see a hyena?
Timon: Scream, "MOMMY!"
Timon: Waaait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on a second.
Pumbaa: Uh, Timon? What are you doin'?
Timon: Shenzi Marie Predatora Veldetta Jacquelina Hyena... . would you do me the honor of becoming... . my bride?
Shenzi: I don't think so!
Timon: Shenzi Marie, please. I know what you're thinking: "We're too different." "It'll never work." "What will the children look like?"
Shenzi: Ooh, that violates so many laws of nature.
Timon: Listen to me! The problems of a couple of wacky kids like us don't amount to hill of termites in this nutty circle-of-life thing. And so I ask you: If not now, when? If not me, who? I'm lonely.
Pumbaa: Can I be your best man?
Banzai: I say we skip the wedding, and go straight to the buffet!
[during the hyena chase, the channel suddenly changes to a shopping channel]
Timon: What's going on here? Pumbaa, are you sitting on the remote?
Pumbaa: Oh, sorry. I thought it was a brownie.
Timon: It's coming to me. It's either that slug I ate, or I'm having an epiphany.
[Timon is awaken by Simba singing "I Just Can't Wait to Be King"]
Timon: Oh, perfect! We moved into the theater district. Get a load of these guys. Knock it off!
Timon: I am perfectly happy right here. It's remote, private, no unexpected visitors... .
[the shadows of hyenas march across the wall, as the intro to "Be Prepared" plays]
Timon: Something tells me that ain't the traveling company of Riverdance.
Pumbaa: Shall we run for our lives?
Timon: Oh yes, let's.
Pumbaa: [talking through a crowd of animals at Pride Rock] I don't do so well in crowds.
Pumbaa: They say first impressions are very important.
Timon: Oh, I thought you were a "scream".
Uncle Max: That's right, Mister! Because the world out there is fraught, FRAUGHT I tell you!
Timon: Oh, boy. It's the fraught fest.
Uncle Max: They're gonna rip us limb from limb!
Timon: [clapping] Bravo, Uncle Max! Way'ta sell it to the cheap seats!
[from the movie]
Timon: Luau! If you're hungry for a hunk of fat and juicy meet / Eat my buddy, Pumbaa, here 'cause he's a... .
[Timon pauses the movie]
Timon: Let's just cut to the chase, shall we?
Pumbaa: Oh, okay.
[Timon pushes next on the remote and it goes to the part where the hyenas chase Timon and Pumbaa]
Timon: Well, that worked like a dream.
Pumbaa: It did?
Timon: Sarcasm is a foreign language to you, isn't it?
Timon: What this place lacks in water and shade, it makes up for with searing heat and blinding sunshine. Home, sweet home, Pumbaa!
Mom: Max, Timon's out there chasing metaphors! I gotta go find him!
Uncle Max: ARE YOU NUTS?
Mom: [dryly, to Rafiki] Nice to have a supportive family, isn't it?
[Timon has brought his family to the oasis]
Mom: I gotta hand it to you, Timon. This place has EVERYTHING.
Timon: Well, now that we're all here, it does.
Timon: [is being hugged by his mother] Ma... . choking... . not breathing... .
Uncle Max: Appluad now sonny boy, but try clapping when you don't have any hands.
[At Simba's presentation ceremony]
Pumbaa: Timon, look!
Timon: Hey-ey-ey, it's the monkey!
Pumbaa: What's that he's holding up?
Timon: Aw, who cares? It's not important.
Rafiki: You seek Hakuna Matata.
Timon: Harpoon a tomato?
Rafiki: Hakuna Matata. It means "no worries".
Timon: Perfect! Mind taking that stick of yours and drawing me a map, bub?
[Rafiki smacks him over the head with his stick]
Banzai: Look at them scramble.
Shenzi: That's just how I like them: scrambled, and a little runny.
Timon: Who knows why fate led us to little Simba?
[images of Simba scaring Timon run throughout the scene]
Timon: Maybe it was my love of adventure, my innate courage, or my... . Okay! Who's in charge of the freeze-frames?
Timon: Anywho... . Rescuing Simba was a cinch. Then came the real scary part:
Timon: [commenting on his home] Here we are... from Pride Rock, to the Pit of Shame.
Snow White: [walking through the theatre] Excuse me.
Bashful: Excuse me.
Doc: Excuse me.
Sneezy: Excuse me.
Happy, Additional Voices: Excuse me.
Sleepy: Excuse me.
Grumpy, Additional Voices: Get out of the way!
Timon: [about Simba] He's gone? Whaddaya MEAN he's gone?
Nala: It's just like the baboon said. The king has returned.
[Timon and Pumbaa stare at her blankly]
Nala: [sighs] You guys want me to go over it again?
Timon: Yes please, but be a dear and skip to the part about Simba. Not that your childhood wasn't fascinating!
Nala: OK. Look, Simba's the rightful king, but after he disappeared, Scar proclaimed himself the king and formed an alliance with the hyenas...
Pumbaa: [Thinks] Poor Simba. The treachery, the villainy, the SURE INDESCRIBABLE HORROR!
Timon: [Thinks] Blah blah blah! WHY IS SHE TOYING WITH US? AAH! THIS CRAZY CHICK IS GONNA EAT US!
Nala: [continues to explain] ... So Simba has to go back to challenge his uncle and reclaim his place as king!
[Silence; Nala doesn't get a reaction from Timon or Pumbaa]
Nala: [frustrated] Ohh... don't you get it? Simba NEEDS us! NOW!
[runs off into the jungle]
Timon: [terrified] Hy... hy... hy...
Shenzi: Well "Hi" to you too!
Shenzi: [smacks Timon, who goes rolling down a hill and bumps into Uncle Max]
Uncle Max: This no time for horseplay Timon! You're suppose to be up there looking out for...
[sees the hyenas approaching]
Uncle Max: HYENAS!