Alex & Emma (2003)
Emma Dinsmore: There are some things that are nothing more than what they are, they're not meant to last. They just take their place in your heart and make you a little smarter the next time.
Emma Dinsmore: Does the fact that you called seventeen times last night with no response from me send any kind of signal to you?
Alex: Yeah, I mean, I'm not an idiot. I figured you probably wanted to talk to me but that your machine was broken.
Emma Dinsmore: I can't figure out what's worse, having to know every single detail of your desperate love for some other woman, or having to know that you obviously didn't even come close to feeling the same way about me.
Emma Dinsmore: "Ample bosom"?
Alex: What's wrong with that? It's literary.
Emma Dinsmore: Oh, well, in that case, you forgot the heaving.
Alex: The what?
Emma Dinsmore: In every book I've ever read, whenever there's an ample bosom, there's always heaving.
Emma Dinsmore: You introduced the bosom. I'm just asking if you want them to heave.
Alex: Fine, let them heave.
Alex Sheldon: I'm just a writer, Emma. I don't know what to do to show you how much I love you. I only have words. That's all I have.
Emma Dinsmore: You borrowed money to gamble? Are you out of your mind?
Bobby: You're dancing the flamenco to get money. This is not a strong bargaining position.
Adam Shipley: He was wracked with confusion. For the first time in his life, he understood the true meaning of the expressions "horns of a dilemma" and "between a rock and a hard place" - although the concept of "paying through the nose" had always tormented him. How does the money get in the nose in the first place? Once in, is it pulled out by hand, or is a sneeze involved? And who would accept such a transaction? Burning questions all, but he had bigger fish to fry.
Emma Dinsmore: What's your book about?
Alex: It's the story of a man who's frightened of commitment yet so desperately in love with a woman he's afraid it might kill him. It's a comedy.
Alex: He left like a man on a mission, a man on a mission with hot wet balls.
[interrupting Elsa's rambling]
Alex: Elsa! You've struck oil - stop drilling!
Emma Dinsmore: Alex? If you think you're having a heart attack and you're going to die, call me first, okay? No use wasting money on the bus if you're just gonna be dead when I get here.
Polina Delacroix: Mr. Shipley, Ylva will set you up in the Guest Cottage.
Emma Dinsmore: Ylva? What kind of name is Ylva?
Alex Sheldon: She's Swedesh.
Emma Dinsmore: That's not a real name. Who made that up, Jaqcues Cartier?
Alex Sheldon: [growls] It's her name, okay?
Emma Dinsmore: Okay. How do you spell it?
Alex Sheldon: Just like it sounds.
Emma Dinsmore: I-L-V-A
Alex Sheldon: No. It's Y-L-V-A
Emma Dinsmore: [confused] Y-L-V-A? That's not how it's sounds!
Alex Sheldon: Well, that how she spells it!
Emma Dinsmore: Okay! You want Y-L-V-A? It's Y-L-V-A.
Alex Sheldon: Good.
Emma Dinsmore: Just so you know, it's not how it sounds.
Emma Dinsmore: Who is she?
Alex Sheldon: She's this pain-in-the-ass au pair.
Ylva: [Swedish accent] Well, here we are.
Adam Shipley: Thanks, um...
Adam Shipley: Ylva. Now that's a beautiful name. How do you spell it?
Adam Shipley: Ah. Just like it sounds.
Emma Dinsmore: Very funny!
Alex Sheldon: What? I take it from life.
Emma Dinsmore: Good night.
Alex Sheldon: Can you say good night if you're only sleeping for two hours?
Emma Dinsmore: Good *night*.
Alex Sheldon: Apparently, you can.
Emma Dinsmore: What is it with guys like Adam? Do they really like being driven crazy by women like Paulina? They're like lemmings running into the sea. They can't wait to be drowning in their own misery. If they're not in agony, then it can't be love! Why do men want women like that?
Alex: Maybe you're not picturing Paulina the way I'm picturing her.
Emma Dinsmore: Gorgeous? Exciting? Incredibly sexy?
Alex: Maybe you are.
Emma Dinsmore: Yeah, that's great for a weekend but what do you think will happen in the long run?
Alex: What do you mean, like the next weekend?
Emma Dinsmore: No. Like when it's time for the first laundry. I know, I know. In great romantic novels there is not laundry or there's people like Ylva or Elsa to do it. Maybe that's why I like them. They can wash their own clothes.
Emma Dinsmore: Elsa? Who's that?
Alex Sheldon: The au-pair.
Emma Dinsmore: I thought Ylva was the au-pair.
Alex Sheldon: I changed it. She didn't have enough edge.
Emma Dinsmore: Swedes have no edge?
Alex Sheldon: No, that's common knowledge. They have that whole light blue flag thing.
Emma Dinsmore: [incredulous] Oh, and all Germans have edge?
Alex Sheldon: Well not all. Some do. Certainly Hitler springs to mind.
Emma Dinsmore: You're looking for sex, Mr. Shipley. You're barking up the wrong body.
Alex Sheldon: Ms Dinsmore, I have no intention of barking up your body. I'm sure there are men who would be thrilled to find themselves in bed with such a forthright woman. I prefer my women to be more...well less forthright.