|Index||6 reviews in total|
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
Okay now. I was bored at home one night, scanned through the In Demand
movies that were available, and was intrigued to see a couple of
Japanese thrillers that were available. Stopped by IMDb to read more
about them, and though they were all rated pretty poorly, I admit I was
extremely intrigued by Zero Woman Returns cover (you would be too if
you saw it...hell, I would buy a poster of it if I could!)...so much so
that I gave in and sucked up the $3.99 to watch the movie. Was it worth
it?? I'll give you my drawn out opinion.
First, a primer. Zero Woman is a series where a hot smoking babe named Rei working for Tokyo's Police Department secret agency called Zero Division goes undercover to infiltrate and then later bump off drug kingpins, mercenaries, and low life criminals and their henchmen. All while looking sexy and saucy, and yes, getting naked to get the "job" done. The series is said to be popular for its bloodiness and violent sequences, but with this particular movie, I thought the violence was rather tame. In fact, everything in the picture seemed to have been done on the cheap, such as using a common digital camera that porn cinematographers would use, going on location at offices, a person's home, and a wharf where extra's were blatantly staring and la-la-ling around, and where sequences were poorly cut.
Zero Woman Returns doesn't necessarily try to explain how our heroin inevitably joins the secret agency, but since I suppose it was meant to be an ongoing series, like James Bond, I guess it doesn't need to. Still, some flashbacks to further explain what happened prior, would have been beneficial, even if that means redoing shots with the different actress playing Zero Woman. Just my two cents.
Maybe there are some that think that Zero Woman will always be a zero,
but this movie will disappoint many and was a thrill to me.
They always change the main character. This time it was Saori Ono, by far the most beautiful of the Zero Woman, and with the help of the scriptwriter, the most literate.
This movie has nudity, sex, and violence, but not to the level of the other ones I have seen. That will disappoint those strictly looking for sexplotation.
There was actually a romantic element to this one, as Zero Woman falls for the criminal (Shigemitsu Ogi), who was himself an ex-Zero assassin.
I enjoyed the performances of both main characters and feel that this movie deserves more than most would give it.
That was my reaction when the closing credits of "Zero Woman Returns"
started rolling. Given that this was the last "Zero Woman" film made
until 2004, there is the strong possibility that the filmmakers wanted
to finish off the series but leave a window open for future
installments as well, so they made a series of false endings and then a
baffling real one.
This time, Rei's mission is to go undercover and find out more about the president of a company who may be involved in illegal smuggling and selling of confiscated goods, using his legitimate business as a front. The man is quite impressed by Rei, and hires her as his assistant. But his ambitious plans will soon get out of hand....
Rei is played this time by Saori Ono, and like all the actresses before her, she brings something of her own to the role: a sense of playfulness and humor (before things get dark, that is). She also gets into a couple of tight spots, and has to use her quick thinking & reflexes to get out of them. The film is better-paced than most (if not all) of its predecessors, and has some memorable bloody bits; even the story is engaging for a while, before it turns into a mess at the end. Which brings me back to where I started, and to the reason I can't give this anything more than ** out of 4 stars.
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
When a man by the name of "Kayama" (Shigemitsu Ogi) is suspected of being in charge of a smuggling operation, "Rei" (Saori Ono) is ordered to get close to him while her superiors gather enough evidence to form a course of action. In the process of doing that Rei encounters a jealous secretary and an unscrupulous associate of Kayama who wants Rei in the worst possible way. Along with that she still has other assignments she has to execute as well. Now as far as this film is concerned I will just say that--although it wasn't the best addition to the "Zero Woman" seriesit wasn't exactly the worst either. Saori Ono performed creditably as the lead actress and the plot consisted of enough intrigue to keep things interesting. Likewise, not including any deviant sex scenes certainly didn't hurt either. One thing I didn't care for was the ending which left much to the imagination due to its ambiguous nature. Since there are a couple of films in the series after this one then I suppose everything will be cleared up in the next one. In any case, I thought that this was an okay film for the most part and I have rated it accordingly. Average.
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
She then arrives at the Drug king pin's pad with shady body guards and
enforcers around. The king pin himself is a pretty perverted looking
guy, who is aroused when Rei walks in. She asks for the trade to be
made, but the King Pin says the deal has changed and wants her suitcase
and her bod. A knife is thrust at her throat by one of the guards, and
she seems to succumb to the situation. But then Zero woman does her
action (which really isn't much action) and gets out of the situation,
beating up on everyone in the room, non-believably. She returns to
Mutoh's office with both suitcases...the one Mutoh gave her, and the
one the King pin was supposed to exchange. Mutoh is impressed and says
she has the job. Rei leaves his office, but Mutoh knows she is not who
she says she is.
By the way, Mutoh has this trashy looking secretary/mistress with great breast who is threatened by Rei's beauty, and when Rei leaves the office,she straddles Mutoh and asks what he is going to do with her.
Cue next scene, which is the second highlight of the movie. Right from the office scene, you go straight to moans and screams, as the secretary with great breasts is horseback riding Mutoh in his bedroom. She's got a great body and her orgasm sounds are pretty funny to hear, but what's hilarious is that Mutoh is with a straight face while pumping her. After the two minutes of rump-romping and climax, you can pretty much tell he wanted to be banging Rei instead of his secretary.
Next scene- Mutoh and Rei go back again to the King Pin boss' pad to negotiate a deal, and when they arrive, Rei is surprised to hear that she, herself, is the deal. Namely, the King Pin wants to have sex with her and probably make her his concubine. So we see Rei going back to the King Pin's bedroom and stripping off. Yes, this is yet another of few highlights in the movie, as seeing Saori Ono strip off will always be a highlight of any film I see. Thought, terribly, we also see the King pervert strip off too, thank god not fully. But certainly an edit that forgot to be done. But before any nasty gets done, Mutoh, double crosses the King Pin and kills off the rest of his gang, while Rei takes out the Kin Pin. They flee his pad and leave together, with the two smitten with one another.
After this massacre (without really being that much blood splattered around), Mutoh reveals that he used to be an agent of Zero Division, and that he left because he hated the fact that he didn't have his own identity. Rei feels a connection and now she feels troubled that her boss probably wants Mutoh taken out. Obviously, the obligatory love scene with Rei and Mutoh occurs, although I would only make it the 3rd hottest scene in the movie. Frankly, as great as Saori Ono's bod is, she doesn't do the sex scene with much enthusiasm, laying kinda limply throughout, and only the cowgirl view worth getting excited about.
A bit of a downer really, because during the movie, you know that the big sex scene was going to happen, and for it to happen that way, one would have to ask the director to watch Basic Instict for some more motivation and inspiration.
Anyways, I generally drifted after this scene from the movie as it was getting late at night. Pretty much the obvious storyline takes place, where Rei and Mutoh are on the run by the cops and her boss, and then Rei's ultimate decision of who to believe, Mutoh or her boss. More people get killed, the secretary with great breasts betrays Mutoh, and the Zeroagency boss just gets angry in the way that you would picture a middle aged Japanese man to be when he gets enraged. Pretty substandard script.
Which overall, is why I should have given this film a 4 like the rest of the raters did. But Saori Ono's hotness made it somewhat worthwhile for me, despite her lame climactic sex scene. So I guess i gave it a 6, because I was recently in Germany, and 6 in German sounds like sex.
And if anyone really expected me to review anything in the movie but the Skin-A-Max scenes, well, why did you even look up the movie...its Zero Woman for Pete's sake!!! What did you expect besides a Japanese soft core flick!! Sayanara!
p.s. And if anyone has a poster of SaoriOno, get back to me ASAP!
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
Alright then...now to the juicy details of the film. It starts off with
Zero Woman bumping off some shady dudes in a car lot, I might add,
wearing this crazy and tacky outfit that can be best be described as a
shiny silver zip lock bag. The killing is pretty lame with students at
film schools probably able to make it look more believable (After a
while, you get used to the tackiness...as explained why later). After
her massacre, she checks the items being transported, and as thrillers
dictate, its drugs and cash. Our sexy feminine fatal then strolls away
with the suitcase and its content.
Cue opening credits while our lovely lady is taking a shower, which, in my mind, compensates for the low-budget feature. Hey, when you got a fine lady prancing around nude and scrubbing herself with sudsy bubbles and jet streamed water dripping all over her delicious body, you go with the flow and enjoy. Hey now...we're guys...its in our DNA!! Thankfully, this lasts for a good long minute or so. Its one of the highlights of the film, so feel free to be obliged to rewind many times. To put it bluntly, Saori Ono is drop dead gorgeous, and unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be any other movies to see her in. What a shame.
Next scene-we see our hero Rei now on the down low, trying to lead a normal life, but she ends up getting fired at the restaurant where she worked, which though is not the first time getting canned, affects her psyche knowing that her life as a hired gun really means she has to be undercover all the time. Hence, zero identity. Anyways, while getting fired by her geeky café boss, Rei sees in the newspapers that the thugs she killed were actually cops. Hmmm...the plot thickens...okay not really.
We then go to an empty racing track, where Zero Woman is required to meet her Agency boss. Its a slick, greasy haired shady looking Japanese man who tells her what her next assignment is-only he doesn't know it yet, so basically this scene is a waste, only for the audience to see our hero with her boss, and the animosity she holds towards him and the agency. Okay? Like that's fully explained in the movie!?! Rei then gets a new job at a plant store, and she delivers a shrub to a president of a company, Mutoh, that appears to be a tech business. Some cheesy scenes between Rei and Mutoh as he helps her with it, which puts the AZN cheese in this Asian "thriller" (so far, the only thing that thrilled me was the shower opening credits) makes the foreshadowing affair pretty obvious. Also obvious is the fact that Mutoh is the bad guy of the film.
Next scene- Rei gets a call again from her agency boss, and when they meet again at the race track, her boss tells her to track a dangerous arms and drugs dealer...who funnily enough, was the man she just delivered a plant to. But by going to meet her boss, she gets fired from her plant delivery job.
Anyways, Rei goes back to follow Mutoh, and they bump into each other at the local Y in the swimming pool. Now, I would have preferred her wearing a bikini, but Saori Ono makes a one piece look damn fine. Some more cheesy lines between the two, and the inevitable dinner date occurs after Rei wins a bet.
During dinner, Mutoh is smitten by Rei (like we all are) and offers her a job in his real company, not the front company. I must add she looks extremely hot in this red dress and with her hair done. Man, how I wanted to see her stripping it off, but sadly, that doesn't happen. Anyways, Mutoh mentions the danger involved in the job, but Rei is intrigued. She says she'll come by the next day at his office with her CV. When that happens, Mutoh looks over her resume, says that he has an assignment for her and hands her a suitcase and some car keys. She is supposed to trade a suitcase for another with a drug king pin he is working with.
|Ratings||External reviews||Plot keywords|
|Main details||Your user reviews||Your vote history|