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Can anyone tell me what could be greater than a movie where people are attacked by stock footage that doesn't even remotely match the scene and the dubbing is so bad that even Toho would demand a re-shoot?

Move over, Troll 2, here comes Shark Attack 3.

This movie is beyond belief. It is so bad, so vastly encompassing in its awfulness, that these words can scarcely do it justice.

To say that it is merely bad is to understate to a degree that would undermine anything that I could possibly say about it. Those of you bad movie fans out there who haven't beheld this gem from the abyss need to get off of your duffs and see this puppy. You will not be dissapointed. Here's a sample of dialogue for you:

"You know, you'd f--k anything with a pair of tits, man."

"That's true, but you're the assman. And you'd do anything for that ass!"

"F--kin' a right, man!"

"Hahaha. Come ooooooon!"


Find me one person on earth who talks like this and I'll show you a green dog.

Of course, there's things other than dialogue to enjoy, like an inexplicable scene where a couple is making out in shoulder-deep water and we then intercut between stock footage of a Tiger Shark and then a Great White and then a Great White eating a seal, and then a dead, rubber shark and we watch spellbound as the filmakers try in a desperate effort to convince us that people are being attacked by more than just manic editing. And let's not forget the waterslide that leads directly into the mouth of a crabby, groaning rubber shark.

I invite anyone out there who has seen this spectacle, and loved it, to sound off here.

If you haven't seen it, do so. I have spoken.