CSI: Miami (2002–2012)
Horatio Caine: You know what they say "You lie down with the Devil, you wake up in Hell".
Horatio Caine: The problem with manipulation is that people can turn on you.
[describing a victim]
Horatio Caine: Jeans, T-shirt... K-Mart socks.
Det. Frank Tripp: Big spender.
Horatio Caine: Alright, be on the lookout for an Eastern European male with bad teeth who may have access to an ape.
[examining a severed arm]
Alexx Woods: No hair at the underarm, but pronounced hair on the knuckles.
Horatio Caine: So, what are you saying?
Alexx Woods: What I'm saying is I'm not an anthropologist. It could be a large woman or a small man.
Horatio Caine: We are being detoured into the land of make-believe.
[Noticing a big black car in front of a witness' house]
Horatio Caine: Mm-hmm. Town car, tinted windows, take a guess.
Detective John Hagen: Fan-belt inspectors?
Horatio Caine: Nope. U.S. Marshals witness protection baby-sitters.
[about a suspect]
Horatio Caine: He is a liar. I just don't know what the lie is yet.
Suspect: I swear. I didn't touch her.
Calleigh Duquesne: You don't have to touch somebody to shoot 'em.
[death by carbon monoxide]
Man: What killed that guy?
Tim Speedle: He had gas.
[stand-off with a suspect]
Calleigh Duquesne: There are two ways this goes down, and either way, you're dropping the gun.
Horatio Caine: When you have everything, sometimes it feels like nothing.
Detective John Hagen: All I'm saying is, that's one hell of a lonely road he's walking.
Calleigh Duquesne: I know. That's why I'm walking it with him.
Horatio Caine: In the future, if you're gonna watch somebody's back, let me know about it so I can watch yours.
[arresting a criminal]
Horatio Caine: Justice is not yours to dispense, and now you're going to pay for it.
[defending a woman from a suspect]
Horatio Caine: The next time you want to take a swing at someone, start with me.
[about Raymond Caine, H's little brother]
Horatio Caine: The rumour of a dirty cop is far juicier than its confirmation.
Robert Keaton: You just called your own brother a dirty cop.
Horatio Caine: Maybe he was, but he didn't deserve to die.
Robert Keaton: We all have to die some time.
Horatio Caine: Some sooner than others.
[about a doctor's ugly Persian rug]
Tim Speedle: Just because you have a medical degree doesn't mean you have taste.
Suspect: I swear on my mother, all right?
Tim Speedle: I'm glad I'm not her.
Horatio Caine: You're saying she married for love?
Calleigh Duquesne: I know. Wonders never cease.
Det. Frank Tripp: Come on, don't you guys have some gizmo to track this thing? That blue light with the buzzers and bells or that mass-spectro-detecto-whatever-you-call-it thingy?
Calleigh Duquesne: [Quickly walking through the break room] Hi guys, bye guys.
Eric Delko: [Stopping her] Hey, Calleigh, I heard you busted the stereo man.
Calleigh Duquesne: Hey, I heard you found out who the car crash victim really is.
Tim Speedle: Yup, he was a bad guy.
Calleigh Duquesne: You know, maybe not all bad.
Tim Speedle: I think the mob would disagree about 1.5 million times.
Calleigh Duquesne: Yeah, but you know, I was thinking. If he hadn't have stolen from the mob, then he never would have become a beach bum in Florida and then he never would have got picked up by the hurricane. Then if he hadn't got picked up by the hurricane he would have never hit Burton's car, and if it wasn't for hitting Burton's car, Burton would have gotten away with murder.
Eric Delko: [Smiling] Leave it to you, Calleigh, to find something good to come out of a hurricane.
Calleigh Duquesne: [Smiling] They do alleviate global warming.
Tim Speedle: [to Eric] She's way too cheerful.
Eric Delko: What's your plan "B"?
Calleigh Duquesne: Gun Vault.
[enters gun vault, smiles, and sighs]
Calleigh Duquesne: Be still my heart.
Eric Delko: Sorry I'm late. I was busy.
Tim Speedle: Busy with the left hand?
Eric Delko: [smirking] Very funny.
Calleigh Duquesne: French lace. From the window at the Moreno house. It's also used in high-end toupees. Gives a more natural look to the hair line.
Tim Speedle: Lace on a rug?
Calleigh Duquesne: Mmm-hmm.
Tim Speedle: Shoot me if it comes to that.
Calleigh Duquesne: Why fill in the number? Why not just sand it all the way down?
Tim Speedle: I don't know. Maybe it's a guy thing.
Calleigh Duquesne: What? They'll add on or cover up, but they won't mess with the chassis?
Tim Speedle: You know what, you're scaring me.
Horatio Caine: [to Ryan] At the end of the day, if we don't hang together, we die alone.
[looking for evidence in a house]
Tim Speedle: Why's it always gotta be in the toilet?
[to a DA]
Calleigh Duquesne: I didn't realize evidence took sides.
Susie Barnam: Your little brother sure knew how to mess things up, didn't he?
[to a bad-tempered ME]
Alexx Woods: I suggest you worry less about alimony and more about the victim. But, hey, that's just me.
[to a suspect who doesn't have to pay a medical bill]
Horatio Caine: Whatever that bill says, you will still have to pay.
Horatio Caine: Why didn't you tell us this earlier?
Suspect: I didn't think it'd look too good.
Horatio Caine: Well, it doesn't look too good right now.
[finding incriminating evidence]
Alexx Woods: Horatio's going to LOVE this.
[Pedro is a suspect]
Horatio Caine: Gentlemen, may I?
Lawyer: Be kind, Horatio.
Horatio Caine: As always. All right, now, Pedro, the gun we found in your room has tied you to two murders.
Lawyer: But possession doesn't make my client the killer.
Horatio Caine: We also have your skin cells on the tourniquet you used.
Lawyer: ALLEGEDLY used.
Horatio Caine: Allegedly used.
[turns to the Lawyer]
Horatio Caine: Now, are you going to rebut everything I'm saying?
Horatio Caine: Excellent.
Alexx Woods: Unreasonable acts are all I see.
Horatio Caine: Amen to that.
Tim Speedle: She looked him right in the eyes when he was killing her.
Horatio Caine: And he looked back.
Horatio Caine: If we want to be effective on this job we have to survive, too.
[victim is lying dead on the floor, with a knife in his head]
Ryan Wolfe: Knife missing from this block could be our murder weapon.
Alexx Woods: [sarcastically] Nice work, Ryan. Think you may have cracked the case.
Ryan Wolfe: Thanks. I have a keen grasp of the obvious.
Calleigh Duquesne: That smells good.
Eric Delko: What, cafe Cubano? Put some hair on your chest.
Calleigh Duquesne: Don't you just say the sweetest things.
Calleigh Duquesne: [walks into gun vault, smiles and sighs] I love my job.
[during an autopsy]
Calleigh Duquesne: What is that? Some kind of insect?
Alexx Woods: It's an ant.
[to the corpse]
Alexx Woods: Girl, you need an exterminator.
Eric Delko: CART scrutineers hand out the pop-up valves...
Tim Speedle: [cutting him off] What'd you say?
Eric Delko: Scrutineers. That's what CART calls their tech inspectors.
Tim Speedle: Well, they might, you shouldn't.