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Numbuh 2 Hoagie P. Gilliam Jr.: HANG ON TO YOUR UNDERWEAR!
Wallabee Beatles Numbuh 4: How come we don't ever get to fight "The Ice Cream Sandwich Monster"?
Abigail Lincoln Numbuh 5: Yeah, or "The Creature With Lotsa Extra Cash".
Nigel Uno: Kids Next Door, battle stations!
Numbuh 2 Hoagie P. Gilliam Jr.: Man, that King Sandy sure has weird taste in women.
[Numbah 3 hits him with her weapon as the screen goes black]
Numbuh 2 Hoagie P. Gilliam Jr.: Ow!
[Numbah 2 is hit again]
Numbuh 2 Hoagie P. Gilliam Jr.: Ow! What'd YOU hit me for?
Wallabee Beatles Numbuh 4: Nothin'.
Numbuh 2 Hoagie P. Gilliam Jr., Abigail Lincoln Numbuh 5: [in unison] Wally and Kuki, sitting in a tree: K-I-S-S-I-N-G!
Numbuh 2 Hoagie P. Gilliam Jr.: [crossly] Have fun, old friend.
Nigel Uno: Huh? Aaaaaaaahhhhhh!
Numbuh 3 Kiki Sanban: [sobbing] Good bye Numbah One!
[continues sobbing]
Abigail Lincoln Numbuh 5: Hold up! So, we made you go to the stupid beach. That's not bad for you to just quit.
Nigel Uno: [sadly] This is a private matter, Numbuh Five. I'm sorry.
Wallabee Beatles Numbuh 4: Dude! You can't just quit!
Nigel Uno: [sadly] Watch me.
[Doors shut, sad music plays]
[the kids are in an underground cavern that's flooding with milk]
Nigel Uno: Uh, is anyone here allergic to milk?
Abigail Lincoln Numbuh 5: No, but Number 5 IS allergic to drowning!
Numbuh 86: Of all the stupid things in the stupid world of stupid people acting stupid, you boys are the stupidliest!
[Numbuh 1 and tommy are riding Tommy's rocket to the moon]
Nigel Uno: What was that?
Tommy Gilligan: Um... remember those design flaws I mentioned?
Nigel Uno: Ye-e-e-es?
Tommy Gilligan: I... never designed a braking system.
Numbuh 12: [Operation S.L.U.M.B.E.R] Okay, Numbuh 3. Truth or dare?
Numbuh 3 Kiki Sanban: Truth, silly.
Numbuh 12: [Numbuh 12 and Numbuh 23 give each other a cunning look] Okay. Do you like... Numbuh 4?
[Numbuh 4, disguised as a girl, nearly chokes on his soda and coughs it out]
Numbuh 3 Kiki Sanban: Of course I like Numbuh 4, we're in the same unit.
Numbuh 12: [the same cunning looks] Nooo. Do you like like Numbuh 4?
Numbuh 3 Kiki Sanban: You mean like, like-like, like-like?
Numbuh 23, Numbuh 12: Yeah!
[giggles]
Numbuh 3 Kiki Sanban: I... uh...
[her answer is disrupted by Numbuh 86's scream from the kitchen]
Wallabee Beatles Numbuh 4: Their power levels are off the charts! I'm gonna have to get some bigger charts!
[Numbuh 5 and Cree are fighting]
Cree Lincoln: Give it up, sis! You know I was the best fighter in the Kids Next Door!
Abigail Lincoln Numbuh 5: That's right.
[Numbuh 5 flips Cree onto her back]
Abigail Lincoln Numbuh 5: You *were* the best.
Wallabee Beatles Numbuh 4: [Operation H.O.S.P.I.T.A.L] So, uh, Numbuh 3. You must really... like this guy, huh?
Numbuh 3 Kiki Sanban: I don't like him Numbuh 4. I *love* him.
[Numbuh 4 looks saddened]
Dr. Lincoln: Abigail is sick. You know with the sneezing, and the boogers, and the tissues. Aw, you know what I'm talking about.
Dr. Lincoln: You boys help yourselves to some delicious cookies. They got the chips and the nuts and the sugar and all that good stuff.
Dr. Lincoln: These kids say the darndest things with the threats and the shouts and the...
Dr. Lincoln: Well, well, if it isn't my oldest daughter. What are you...? P.U.! We'd better operate immediately...
[dialogue overlaps with:]
Cree Lincoln: No, it wasn't me...
Dr. Lincoln: ...to remove your sweat glands!
Cree Lincoln: ...it was those kids!
Stickybeard: [to Numbuh 5] You have passion for the candy, lassie. What do you say you be my new first mate? Together, we'll sail the suburbs, robbing kids of their candy. And when me teeth are all fallen out, you'll inherit me vast candy fortune, and have all the candy for *200 miles*! And that's nautical miles, too, which I'm fairly certain is more than regular miles.
Abigail Lincoln Numbuh 5: That's a lot of candy.
[She thinks about the candy possibilities, but then she remembers her friends]
Stickybeard: So what do you say, lassie?
Abigail Lincoln Numbuh 5: Thanks, Stickybun, but Numbuh 5's already got a sweet gig.
Stickybeard: So your mind's made up, is it, lassie?
[Moments later, Numbuh 5 is standing on the edge of the plank]
Abigail Lincoln Numbuh 5: Uh, how much candy were you offering again?
Destructo Dad: Now, son, this is going to hurt me a lot more than it's going to hurt you!
[He zaps Numbuh 2]
Destructo Dad: Well, what do you know? That didn't hurt at all!
[Count Spankulot had just entered a house and spanked whom he thought were Mr. Fibb and Mr. Wink for attempting to destroy children's playgrounds everywhere, but he was mistaken; it's a judge and his wife]
Count Spankulot: There! Let the achiness of your bottoms be a reminder of the power of Count Spank...
Judge: You... you... you... you...!
Count Spankulot: [shocked] Judge!
Judge: How dare you come into my house and spank me and my wife!
Judge's Wife: [rubbing her rear] Oh, my bottom. I can't feel my bottom.
Count Spankulot: [stammering] But I thought I was helping children?
Wallabee Beatles Numbuh 4: It's too quiet.
Numbuh 3 Kiki Sanban: No, it's three quiet.
Wallabee Beatles Numbuh 4: Three quiet? What the crud does that mean?
Numbuh 3 Kiki Sanban: It's one more than too quiet.
Nigel Uno: [to Lizzie, after her "Yes Dear" helmet explodes on his head] Don't ever put one of those on me again.
Nigel Uno: [to the Delightful Children] Know this, Delightful Children: if you ever want to get your butts kicked, you know where to find the Kids Next Door!
Delightful Children From Down The Lane: Father is most dissatisfied.
[later, beside Father's chair]
Father: I am most dissatisfied.
Father: At first those Kids Next Door were a minor nuisance. That is why I entrusted you with their destruction. But because of your failures, they constantly interfere with my schemes to have adults... rule the world! That angers me. I will no longer tolerate failure. Destroy the Kids Next Door...
[flames up; screaming]
Father: ... OR ELSE!
[the Delightfuls don't move a muscle]
Father: Well... WHAT'RE YOU WAITING FOR!
Delightful Children From Down The Lane: Can we borrow the really, really, incredibly, destructive machine? Pretty please?
Father: Oh, okay, but I don't want so much as a *scratch* on it when you're done! Got that?

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