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Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter (2001) Poster

Quotes

[Jesus walks out of the lake with a small bottle of lemonade]

Jesus Christ: Lemonade?

Father Eustace: Will there be enough?

Jesus Christ: Oh, there'll be plenty.

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Mother Marry: [on her appreciation of lesbians] Oh, God loves them. They get so much done in a day, don't you think?

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Jesus Christ: [singing a song at the Dominion] I was born in a manger / doomed to live in danger.

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Santo Enmascarado de Plata: He'll have you wrestling midgets in border towns for ten percent of the net.

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Jesus Christ: If I'm not back in five minutes, call the Pope.

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Dr. Pretorious: We're running short on skin. We'll need to harvest more lesbians.

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Jesus Christ: [to the jive talking man behind the counter] Don't tempt me!

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[Jesus KOs a vampire]

Jesus Christ: [pats body] Body of Christ!

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God: Jesus...

Jesus Christ: Is that you, bowl of cherries?

God: Do bowls of cherries talk, Jesus?

Jesus Christ: I don't know. I've seen a lot of strange things over the years.

God: You need help, Jesus, and I will not forsake it.

Jesus Christ: Ohh, it's you Dad. So what's your advice?

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Jesus Christ: Why lesbians?

Johnny Golgotha: They're deviants, no one will miss them.

Jesus Christ: There's nothing deviant about love

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The Transvestite: Jesus, honey, you're a mess!

Jesus Christ: [weakly] How... did you know... my name?

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Jesus Christ: Not even this separates you from my love.

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Maxine Schreck: Where have all our lesbians gone?

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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