A Mighty Wind (2003)
Terry Bohner: There was abuse in my family, but it was mostly musical in nature.
Terry Bohner: This is not an occult science. This is not one of those crazy systems of divination and astrology. That stuff's hooey, and you've got to have a screw loose to go in for that sort of thing. Our beliefs are fairly commonplace and simple to understand. Humankind is simply materialized color operating on the 49th vibration. You would make that conclusion walking down the street or going to the store.
Jonathan Steinbloom: [referring to his mother] You could say she was overly protective - I just like to think she cared about me, which she did, a lot. And I was a member of the chess team and whenever we would have chess tournaments I had to wear a protective helmet, I had to wear a football helmet. Now who knows what she was thinking? Maybe she thought that we might have fallen maybe and impaled our heads on a pointy bishop or something, I don't know.
Amber Cole: Thank God for the model trains, you know? If they didn't have the model trains they wouldn't have gotten the idea for the big trains.
Mike LaFontaine: I worked some bills with a few Folkies, you know - "Put 'em in a cell with a long hose on him, put 'em in a cell with a long hose on him!" I used to say "If he's got a long enough hose, he's gonna have a lot of friends in the shower room." Folk audiences hated that joke.
Mitch Cohen: [while eating dinner] What is it you do, Leonard? For work?
Leonard Crabbe: Oh, for work. I'm in the bladder management industry. I sell catheters. I have my own distribution company, Sure Flo Medical Appliances. You may have heard of it. It's actually named in tribute after my mother, her name was Florence. It's a growth industry, really, because one in three people over 60 either have a flaccid or a spastic bladder, so in a sense, every 13.5 seconds a new incontinent is born, as it were. People like you and I have what they call "leakage problems." They can be running, playing tennis, laughing, sneezing, anything. I mean, the good old constipation, you know. You have impacted fecal mass in your rectum, you find that pushing on your bladder...
Mickey Crabbe: You know, this might make good dessert talk.
Leonard Crabbe: I'm a model train enthusiast.
Amber Cole: Oh! That's great!
Leonard Crabbe: Yes... sort of a whole layout in my basement. Very much a big passion for me, 'tis.
Amber Cole: Yeah. Thank God for model trains.
Leonard Crabbe: Oh, absolutely.
Amber Cole: You know, if they didn't have the model train, they wouldn't have gotten the idea for the big trains.
Lars Olfen: [In the meeting with Jonathan Steinbloom] The naches that I'm feeling right now... 'cause your dad was like mishpoche to me. When I heard I got these ticket to the Folksmen, I let out a geshreeyeh, and I'm running with my friend... running around like a vilde chaye, right into the theater, in the front row! So we've got the schpilkes, 'cause we're sittin' right there... and it's a mitzvah, what your dad did, and I want to try to give that back to you. Okeinhoreh, I say, and God bless him.
[after asking a part of the audience to neigh like horses]
Mark Shubb: We're going to have to put saddles on those folks!
Jerry Palter: [the map is packed on top of the car on the way into New York] So you were planning on studying it later, academically or something?
Mike LaFontaine: [about the folk singers with the deputy mayor] Hey, where's the real mayor, wha' happened? Somebody shot the mayor, but they did not shoot the deputy.
Lawrence E. Turpin: All right, here's your giant banjo...
Jonathan Steinbloom: Um-hmm. It's very flat.
Lawrence E. Turpin: Well, it doesn't look flat from in the audience.
Jonathan Steinbloom: It has basically, no dimension to it.
Lawrence E. Turpin: Well, it's painted to look three dimensional. If you go back there, trust me...
Jonathan Steinbloom: But it's not painted on the back. I'm looking at the back right now. Will you look with me for a minute?
Lawrence E. Turpin: Why would it be... From the audience it's gonna look perfectly fine. And it looks three dimensional. Just go out there and take a peek.
Jonathan Steinbloom: Well, is this the real furniture or is this the rehearsal furniture?
Lawrence E. Turpin: Well, A it's not called furniture. It's a set.
Jonathan Steinbloom: Uh-huhh...
Lawrence E. Turpin: And it's painted this way. It looks completely three dimensional from the audience, if you just go out that way, Mr. Steinbloom.
Jonathan Steinbloom: So this is the real furniture, and this is... Is this an actual street lamp?
Lawrence E. Turpin: I'm sure it was at one time.
Jonathan Steinbloom: Can you have an actual three dimensional object that represents the thing that it actually is, can that be next to something that it's pretending to be? Would that be okay?
Lawrence E. Turpin: Yes, it's perfectly fine. You know, I really don't have time to explain Stagecraft 101. This show starts in an hour. Now, every... everything is exactly the way you...
Jonathan Steinbloom: And what are tho... what's tha... that... Those are lights hanging up there?
Lawrence E. Turpin: Yes, those are lights...
Jonathan Steinbloom: Could they fall?
Lawrence E. Turpin: ...and that's a ceiling above us!
Jonathan Steinbloom: But they look shaky.
Lawrence E. Turpin: No, they're not shaky, they're perfectly...
Jonathan Steinbloom: Is that wire? I see a wire. I see a...
[Lawrence smacks him on the head]
Jonathan Steinbloom: Oww!
David Kantor: In 1971, after the breakup of the Main Street Singers, Chuck Wiseman moved up to San Francisco where she started a retail business with his brothers Howard and Dell, the Three Wisemen's Sex Emporium. It was very successful for a year until they were sued over something having to do with a box of ben wah balls.
Leonard Crabbe: [Leonard shows Mitch his model trains] This whole area here is called Crabbe Town. We've got a brothel down there above the saloon. And right down there further along I'm thinking of building a French Quarter. I've actually got a bit of French blood.
Mitch Cohen: I would love to see this town in the autumn. I think Crabbeville in autumn would look quite magnificent. I would have made tiny little leaves, oak, poplar, maple, chestnut, and spread them across the town of Crabbeville. Magnificent.
Leonard Crabbe: It's Crabbe Town, not Crabbeville.
Alan Barrows: And they had no hole in the center of the record.
Mark Shubb: It would teeter crazily on the little spindle.
Jerry Palter: No, you had to provide it yourself. They were still good records. Good product.
Mark Shubb: If you punched a hole in them, you'd have a good time.
Mark Shubb: To do then now would be retro. To do then then was very now-tro, if you will.
Jerry Palter: We don't want people to reach for their remotes here.
Mark Shubb: It's public television.
Alan Barrows: They don't have remotes.
Mitch Cohen: Seeing these long lines of fans who want nothing more than to have you sign an autograph, it's like it's 1968... Or '67... Or '66.
Laurie Bohner: We are Winc. W-I-N-C. Witches In Nature's Colors.
Jonathan Steinbloom: [Hosting "An Ode To Irving"] And now please join me in welcoming our next three talented performers. Taken alone, they are Jerry Palter, Alan Barrows and Mark Shubb... but when you put them all together, they spell "absolutely fantastic".
Mitch Cohen: You know, 35 years ago, preparing for a concert meant playing "find the cobra" with the hotel chambermaid.
Mitch Cohen: I feel ready for whatever the experience is that we will... take with us after the show. I'm sure it will be... an adventure... a voyage on this... magnificent vessel... into unchartered waters! What if we see sailfish... jumping... and flying across the magnificent orb of a setting sun?
Mike LaFontaine: To paraphrase an old joke... Knock, knock. Who's there? It's the New Main Street Singers!
Jerry Palter: We go out there, we do the song we're known for, we get it out of the way and then, 'hey, here's the icing on the cake.'
Alan Barrows: What's the icing?
Jerry Palter: Well the icing is the rest of the act.
Mark Shubb: That's the cake.
Jerry Palter: No, that's the dressing.
Laurie Bohner: I learned to play the ukulele in one of my last films, "Not-So-Tiny Tim".
Mickey Crabbe: What are you doing? He could be lying in a ditch - it wouldn't be the first time.
Jerry Palter: Things have been going really well. We got some gigs here, working at the casinos. It has been a time of changes, but change is good. Change is life.
[camera pulls out to reveal Mark Shubb dressed as a woman]
Mark Shubb: It was like a great big door opening for me... Town Hall... after that concert, I realized I wanted to spend as much of the rest of my life as possible playing folk music with these gentlemen...
Jerry Palter: Right back atcha.
Mark Shubb: ...and I wanted to spend all of it as a woman. I came to a realization that I was - and am - a blonde, female folk singer trapped in the body of a bald, male folk singer and I had to LET ME OUT or I WOULD DIE.
Jerry Palter: When you put it that way, it's almost poetry.
Alan Barrows: Almost.
Mickey Crabbe: Then there's the kids - we're hearing: "You rock... you rock me... you rock my world!" What?
Jonathan Steinbloom: Before we begin tonight's performance I would like to make a brief announcement. I'd like to warn you that some of the floral arrangements at tonight's performance have dangerously low hanging vines and may be poisonous. So please, whatever you do, don't eat 'em and don't become entangled in them or trip, please.
Amber Cole: [referring to her working relationship with Wally Fenton] We work together very well. It's almost as like we have one brain that we share between us.
Amber Cole: One time I had a friend who asked me if I'd like to play the piccolo but I said no.
Laurie Bohner: Terry and I worship an unconventional deity. The power of another dimension. Now you are not going to read about this dimension in a book or a magazine because it exists nowhere... but in my own mind. Through our ceremonies and rituals we have witnessed the awesome and vibratory power... of color.
[Looking at some item of clothing in a shop]
Terry Bohner: Honey, can you run your hand over this? What are you getting?
Laurie Bohner: I'm getting a bounce, but there's a lightness within it.
Jonathan Steinbloom: [Mitch has disappeared] Would you consider doing both parts?
Mickey: No, I'd consider going home, making a nice tray of nanaimo bars, lying in bed and watching TV - that's what I like doing.
Terry Bohner: No, ladies and gentlemen, we don't ride around on broomsticks and wear pointy hats. Well, we don't ride on broomsticks.
Jerry Palter: [listening backstage to Mitch & Mickey singing "Kiss at the end of the rainbow"] I know this song. This is that really pretty one. With the kiss. Turn that up a bit. Remember, where they used to...
Mark Shubb: The kiss.
Jerry Palter: Wonder how they're gonna handle that.
Mark Shubb: 5 dollars says they do it.
Jerry Palter: You're on.
Alan Barrows: I always thought it was "hey nonny no, nanny ninny no" and I'm getting kind of confused with all the nannies and the ninnies.
Jerry Palter: There's no nanny, just take that out of the equation. It's "hey nonny no, nonny ninny o".
Mark Shubb: Iron clad rule, Alan. Nonny before ninny.
Alan Barrows: Well, I don't sing this one anyway.
Jerry Palter: No, so it's kind of academic.
Lars Olfen: I had a garage band in Stockholm, which was a challenge in its own right, to keep an instrument tuned with that temperature swing. There's a block warmer for the Volvo in the garage but it's cold in there in the winter. So we played and I had a hit that you might have heard of. "Hur ?r l?get, lilla gumman?" which means, "How's It Hanging, Grandma?" and it was big on the Swedish charts.
Jerry Palter: [the New Main Street Singers perform 'Wandering' in the background] You swear to God you didn't talk to Menschell about the set?
Alan Barrows: Why would I talk to him about it?
Jerry Palter: You didn't tell him what we were opening with, right?
Alan Barrows: I never talked to him about it at all.
Jerry Palter: Okay,
[turns to Mark]
Jerry Palter: so you were talkin' to that Terry Bohner kid, in his blue sweater...
Mark Shubb: All I said was, 'Oh my goodness, isn't it warm?' Nothing about the set.
Jerry Palter: Well, it's gettin' warmer now...
Mark Shubb: All right, I don't think finger-pointing is gonna help us here, I... I think it's very clear what we do.
Jerry Palter: What's that?
Mark Shubb: I'm going to suggest we be bold.
Jerry Palter: Yeah, let's hear it...
Mark Shubb: We open with Wandering.
Jerry Palter: Did you miss the last couple of minutes? They're currently butchering...
[to Alan briefly]
Jerry Palter: Turn it back up again. Do you... you wanna hear it?
Mark Shubb: We give the audience a choice. We say, you can enjoy 'a toothpaste commercial', or do you wanna hear folk music?
Jerry Palter: I think they'll have already brushed their teeth by that time; It's not even germane.
Alan Barrows: Well, here's the thing, you can't have on a bill, especially on a folk bill, you cannot have two people doing the same song. It doesn't work; they're just gonna be flat-out confused...
Terry Bohner: This flame, like all flames, represents the light and darkness. It also represents the uncertainty of life and its delicacy. It also represents a penis.
Mike LaFontaine: But thank you, sincerely, Your Honor - which reminds me, I was at a swingers' party the other night and a fella said to me, "I'd like to meet your wife." I said, "Your honor!"
Mitch Cohen: [deleted scene - Mitch practising When I'm next to you] You know, I'm gonna take this down one fret. I've a feeling it *was* two frets up, I hope. I'm a 36 waist now not a 34.