Strong Kids, Safe Kids (1984) (V)

Director:

Rick Hauser

Writer:

Rick Hauser (writer)

Genre:

Documentary | Short

Tagline:

The program about taking care of kids, and kids taking care of themselves.

Plot Keywords:

Instructional Film | Yogi Bear | Smurf | Family Relationships | Child Safety

Cast

Henry Winkler	...	Himself / Arthur 'The Fonz' Fonzarelli
Dr. Sol Gordon	...	Himself (Institute for Family Research and Education)
Kee MacFarlane	...	Herself (Children's Institute International)
Chris Wallace	...	Himself
John Ritter	...	Himself
Mariette Hartley	...	Herself
Hal Smith	...	Animated voice (voice)
Henry Corden	...	Fred Flintstone (voice)
Lucille Bliss	...	Smurfette (voice)
Danny Goldman	...	Animated voice (voice)
June Foray	...	Jokey Smurf (voice)
Dana Kavin	...	Little Girl
rest of cast listed alphabetically:
Hannah Mason Hauser	...	Title Narrator (voice)
Don Messick	...	Papa Smurf / Scooby-Doo / Scrappy-Doo (voice)

Runtime:

42 min

Country:

USA

Language:

English

Color:

Color

Sound Mix:

Mono

Certification:

USA:Unrated

Company:

Fair Dinkum Productions

Quotes:

Chris Wallace: Penis. Is what boys have down in front. Penis. Is the word though it seems blunt. All boys have a penis, so no matter what you've heard, remember that penis, is the proper word. Vulva. Is what girls have down below. Vulva, when shes naked it will show...

Movie Connections:

References "Smurfs" (1981)

Soundtrack:

Down in Front

And they say that it's difficult to blend humor and horror

I don't remember this video too well, but I still have some of the lyrics from the songs BRANDED on my brain.

I recall that this video had some emotionally-stunted man dressed up in little boy "fetish wear" -- what he thinks a little boy should dress like. And he's in a playground, singing, with a little guitar. Singing stuff like, "Penis! Is what boys have down in front. Penis! Is the word, and it seems blunt!" And then, "Vulva! Is what girls have down below. Vulva! When she's naked it will show." And let's not forget, "OUR anus! Is a useful thing indeed. The anus, gives relief in times of need."

Yes, not your anus or my anus. OUR anus. And it gives him relief in times of need. I remember my friends and I joking on this whole video, but this guy in particular.

That should probably clue you in to what you're getting into when watching this video. I do recall that Henry Winkler was on this as well, because I think he was playing The Fonze and saying stuff like, "Hhheeyyyy, it's not cool for Uncle Pervert to touch you there." And then he smacked the jukebox. Or something.

This isn't for little kids anymore, this if for people who watched it when they were little kids and want to cringe down memory lane. Modern kids will be like, "Who is this 'fonzee'?" I think there were plenty of other flavor-of-the-month early-80s so-called icons that will scare the children, rather than tantalize them.

There's also somebody with scary teeth on this video, if memory serves.

If little kids are going to be subjected to this, however, remind them that if they see a man in their playground, dressed in little boy fetish wear, wielding a guitar, singing about "our anus," they should avoid him at all costs.