Charles Townsend: Bosley, I hope the Angels aren't being too rough on you.
Bosley: Man, please. I date fat women. What you talkin' 'bout?
Seamus: I'd recognize that arse anywhere, you piece of shite.
Madison Lee: I don't take orders from a speaker-box anymore. I work for myself.
Natalie Cook: Well, your boss sucks.
[spotting their suspect]
Alex Munday: Check it out... brown shorts, red board, 11:00. What d'you think?
Dylan Sanders: [looking at the guy] Yummy!...
Alex Munday: That's what I thought. Case closed. Nat move in, Dylan thinks he's hot.
Dylan Sanders: What do you mean?
Alex Munday: You always fall for the bad guy.
Kelly Garrett: Angels are like diamonds. They can't be made, you have to find them. Each one is unique.
Mr. Munday: So, you work with Alex at the hospital?
Alex Munday: Yes! Natalie works in the Psychiatric Ward. And Dylan is the Head of... Gynecology.
Mr. Munday: Really?
Dylan Sanders: Um-hmm.
Mr. Munday: So young.
Dylan Sanders: I know.
Alex Munday: We were just on our way out, actually, 'cause we have such a major procedure coming up, Daddy, so...
Natalie Cook: Duty calls. Sorry.
Dylan Sanders: I've gotta... prep.
Natalie Cook: Yeah... scrub up. Ha ha.
Mr. Munday: Bu- bye.
[Natalie and Dylan say "Bye" together]
Mr. Munday: Bye.
Alex Munday: See you guys in a minute. It's just a tiny emergency, but make yourself at home, okay.
[Kisses him on the cheek]
Mr. Munday: We'll talk later, off to the hospital, go save lives...
[the Angels have left; He looks confused]
Mr. Munday: Head of Gynecology?
Dylan Sanders: [after crashing out of bar window] Just once I'd like to walk out of a bar!
[Madison is talking to Charlie on the speaker box after shooting the Angels]
Charles Townsend: Don't do this, Madison. Deep down, there must still be some good in you.
Madison Lee: I was never good. I was GREAT!
[shoots the speaker box]
Alex Munday: Marshal Ray Carter. I'm Alex Munday. I'll be your rescuer today.
Carter: I didn't think you'd find me. How many men do you have?
Alex Munday: I've got two girlfriends in the bar.
Carter: They have fifty armed men.
Alex Munday: I know. It hardly seems fair. C'mon!
Madison Lee: [thinking that she's about to kill Charlie's Angels] Enjoy heaven.
Natalie Cook: Go to hell.
Alex Munday: [the Angels kill Madison; she dies amid flames] She's so fired.
Dylan Sanders: And all we have is the Thin Man.
Natalie Cook: Our Favorite Ass-Ass-in
Alex Munday: [Holding the medal] We should get this to the lab to have it anal-ized.
Dylan Sanders: You do that.
Dylan Sanders: Just once, I'd like to *walk* out of a bar!
Madison Lee: I never wore Kevlar till I took three in the chest
Natalie Cook: I have something you'll never have.
Madison Lee: What's that?
Natalie Cook: Friends.
Natalie Cook: Killer, huh? I just got so excited. When it's big like that I just love to ride it hard and rough.
Max: Helen Zass. So, uh, where's that, where's that name come from originally, is that, uh "Ass-Tralian"?
Bus-Stop Kid: [Bosley just rubbed him on the head] Man! You do not mess with a black man's do!
Alex Munday: [after Madison Lee shoots the Angels] What a be-atch!
Max: Helen Zass. That's your name.
[Looks over at Bosley]
Max: . Is that, uh, Ass-tralian?
Natalie Cook: Oh my god! You must have been the butt of every joke!
Alex Munday: Did you by chance drive an Ass-tin Martin?
Natalie Cook: Alex! We're being Ass-inine!
Dylan Sanders: Yes. Yes you are.
Bosley's Brother: [dressed as a Coroner] I'm not going anywhere near no dead bodies!
[the Angels prepare to battle Madison]
Madison Lee: Oooh! The classic Angels Kick-Ass pose. Almost gives me a nostalgia for the old days. Except back then, we did things a little differently...
[quickly pulls out two large weapons]
Madison Lee: ...we used *guns*!
[shoots all three Angels]
Madison Lee: Sorry, Charlie.
Ray Carter: [after spectacular rescue] I'm afraid I underestimated you guys.
Natalie Cook: Yeah, that happens a lot...
Madison Lee: What's up, Angel?
Natalie Cook: Madison Lee?
Madison Lee: Natalie Cook.
Natalie Cook: Oh, my god! How'd you know?
Madison Lee: I get the newsletter.
[Dylan, undercover as a nun, is eyeing a sexy young priest]
Alex Munday: [under her breath] Thornbirds.
Dylan Sanders: [under her breath] I know!
Chess Opponent: What's an angel doing so far from heaven?
Dylan Sanders: I'm no angel.