When Louis Met... Ann Widdecombe (2002 TV Movie)

Louis Theroux: Self - Presenter

Quotes 

• Louis Theroux : You're unusual in many respects... you're an outspoken, prominent politician, but you're also a single woman of a certain age who's expressed, um, you've said that you don't think you'll ever get married, you've said you're a virgin...

  Ann Widdecombe : Uh, no, I haven't, people ask impertinent questions and they make their own deducations but I always tell people to mind their own business.

  Louis Theroux : Do you? I read a quote last night that said "If anyone says I'm not a virgin, I'll sue them."

  Ann Widdecombe : As I've said, and I'm not going to go any further than I've just gone, I don't regard it as anybody else's business.

  Louis Theroux : Hmm. Well, I'll winkle away at that one.

  Ann Widdecombe : Well, I was actually told you would not, when we had the discussion.

  Louis Theroux : By Kate?

  Ann Widdecombe : Yes.

  Louis Theroux : Don't believe anything she says.

  Ann Widdecombe : Well, I said that I wouldn't agree to the documentary it was going to be along those sorts of lines because...

  Louis Theroux : OK - no, no I'll keep it...

  Ann Widdecombe : Bluntly, I regard it as an impertinence.

• Louis Theroux : [admiring Ann's cat]  You have an internet site where you've written a poem about your cats?

  Ann Widdecombe : I have indeed - 'Goodness gracious, what is that? It's Mr. Pugwash my black cat. Goodness gracious, are there others? Yes indeed, my cat Carruthers'.

• Louis Theroux : [At Ann's house in London]  Have we got time for a very quick tour, then?

  Ann Widdecombe : Um... well it depends what you want to tour. I don't let anybody go upstairs.

  Louis Theroux : Why not?

  Ann Widdecombe : Because I never do. I always say downstairs is where I invite people, it's where I invite all my friends, upstairs is where my mother and I live.

• Louis Theroux : [voiceover]  Ann was at the hairdresser's. Having said she would never get a makeover, Ann was about to go for a completely new look.

  Louis Theroux : Who calls the shots, basiscally?

  Nicky : Ann does.

  Ann Widdecombe : The customer says what the customer wants.

  Louis Theroux : Because you have come into some criticism for your hair?

  Ann Widdecombe : Have I now?

  Louis Theroux : Yes.

  Ann Widdecombe : There you go Nicky, he's being rude about your...

  Louis Theroux : Nicky, is that being rude? Am I being rude to you by saying that?

  Ann Widdecombe : Yes - Say yes, Nicky, say yes.

  Nicky : Yes, you are, I suppose.

  Ann Widdecombe : Well done. Well done.

• Louis Theroux : [Louis is slightly hungover from a friend's wedding the night before]  Ooo, I think my headache's starting to lift. What a relief.

  Ann Widdecombe : What sort of a wedding was it?

  Louis Theroux : Well it was a normal wedding, I don't know. I thought I did quite well only having the one bottle of wine.

  Ann Widdecombe : Did you have the awful tradition of a disco afterwards?

  Louis Theroux : Yeah. Oh, it was nice.

  Ann Widdecombe : I hate that.

  Louis Theroux : Why?

  Ann Widdecombe : Uh... I prefer the wedding where you have the service, you have the reception and then the couple go away.

  Louis Theroux : You've explained how you like it, you didn't explain why you don't like the disco?

  Ann Widdecombe : I don't think I have to have why's behind everything and deep reasons as though it's a piece of philosophy. It happens to be a like or a dislike. I don't think I have to explain why I like potato.

  Louis Theroux : So you don't know why?

  Ann Widdecombe : Or why I don't like liver. Stop turning everything into a confrontation, Louis Theroux.

  Louis Theroux : Maybe if it were different music? Slightly more formal music, would that help? Sort of waltzes?

  Ann Widdecombe : No. No, that wouldn't help at all, that's not the issue.

• [At Ann Widdecombe's office in the Houses of Parliament, Louis meets her secretary Gloria, who used manage rock stars like Debbie Harry, the Ramones and the B-52s] 

  Louis Theroux : Of the rock stars that you've handled, is there any of those that Ann most closely resembles?

  [Ann laughs out loud] 

  Ann Widdecombe : I'm going to say at this point I'm going to take them into my room, come on folks.

• Louis Theroux : You're not as tall as I was expecting.

  Ann Widdecombe : Five foot one and a half, and don't forget the half.

• Louis Theroux : [looking at a photograph on the wall of Ann's constituency home]  Now here's the younger Ann Widdecombe meeting Mrs Thatcher, is it? What was the occasion?

  Ann Widdecombe : It was Women and Families for Defence, which was a group set up to counter the Greenham Common women.

  Louis Theroux : You were pro-nuclear weapons.

  Ann Widdecombe : Very much so.

• Louis Theroux : [Ann is showing Louis the garden of her constituency home]  Can I prevail on you to let us see the bathroom or the bedroom?

  Ann Widdecombe : No.

  Louis Theroux : That - I mean, can I press that point?

  Ann Widdecombe : Uh, you can press it but the answer will be the same.

  Louis Theroux : Will it?

  Ann Widdecombe : Yeah. No, I don't, I don't open up private areas of the house to the cameras.

  Louis Theroux : OK, I'm pressing it.

  Ann Widdecombe : No.

  Louis Theroux : I'm continuing to press.

  Ann Widdecombe : You can press away but you won't get any different answer.

  Louis Theroux : I would really like to see your bedroom.

  Ann Widdecombe : No, I won't let anybody in my bedroom, certainly not a television camera. Come on, stop arguing, you're not going to get me to change my mind.

  Louis Theroux : The bathroom?

  Ann Widdecombe : No!

  [scoffs] 

  Ann Widdecombe : What do you want to photograph the bathroom for, honestly?

  [they head round the side of Ann's house] 

  Ann Widdecombe : Right, OK, now as we go past here, I know it's a bungalow, but you will keep your cameras away.

  Louis Theroux : From the bungalow?

  Ann Widdecombe : No. From any rooms which I've specified that you can't go in.

  Louis Theroux : Oh, OK.

  [they walk along the side of the house, Ann stands in front of a window and waves the camera crew past] 

  Louis Theroux : I sense it's a point of principle with you, that there's nothing in particular that you're worried that we should see...

  Ann Widdecombe : No, nothing at all.

  Louis Theroux : I glanced to the left.

  Ann Widdecombe : That I don't mind because anybody walking past could do that.

  Louis Theroux : It looked quite normal.

  Ann Widdecombe : It's perfectly normal, I just don't want you filming in there, that's all.

• Louis Theroux : [In Ann's garden]  Nice to be on a little hillside.

  Ann Widdecombe : Yes... there is the famous Sutton Valence view which you can't get from here. But I find this quite pleasant.

  Louis Theroux : And we're in Sutton Valence, aren't we?

  Ann Widdecombe : Oh yes, we are. We're right in the middle of it.

  Louis Theroux : Is it known for being a particularly picturesque little village?

  Ann Widdecombe : Well, I think it's pictures-queue

  Louis Theroux : You said what?

  Ann Widdecombe : I said I think it's pictures-queue. Picturesque.

  [Louis looks at her, smirking] 

  Ann Widdecombe : Anti-queue, pictures-queue.

  [Louis isn't acknowledging her little joke] 

  Ann Widdecombe : Oh, dear me...

  [she sighs and laughs] 

  Louis Theroux : You called me wet! That is a bit wet, isn't it?

  Ann Widdecombe : If you say so. I don't mind. Don't mind being a bit wet.

• Louis Theroux : [after Ann talks to a man at the Kent County Agricultural Show]  He had a local accent I think, did he?

  Ann Widdecombe : He's Maidstone, yes.

  Louis Theroux : Perhaps it was just a speech impediment.

  Ann Widdecombe : Don't you be so rude about the Kentish accent!

• Louis Theroux : Did you think about getting, sort of, a makeover?

  Ann Widdecombe : No, I did not, Louis.

  Louis Theroux : You seem to regard that as a ludicrous question.

  Ann Widdecombe : I do.

  Louis Theroux : Why?

  Ann Widdecombe : Why should I?

  Louis Theroux : Well, because... politics is about image, isn't it? About communication?

  Ann Widdecombe : No. No, it's about substance, it's about what you believe and it's about what you think should be done. That's what it's all about. That's exactly what it's all about.

  Louis Theroux : But it's not in the modern world though, is it?

  Ann Widdecombe : Well, tough.

• Louis Theroux : [discussing the party leadership election]  I honestly felt like I sensed her kind of being marginalised in the last couple of days and then now today I feel that she's back in the middle, she's back in the throng.

  Gloria - Ann's Secretary : It's rock and roll, it's battlefield conditions, same thing.

  Louis Theroux : And what about Portillo? I quite like him.

  Gloria - Ann's Secretary : Well, he's very charismatic.

  Louis Theroux : He's got big blubbery lips.

  Gloria - Ann's Secretary : Like Mike Jagger.

  [she laughs] 

  Louis Theroux : Do you know what I mean?

  Gloria - Ann's Secretary : Yeah, I do know, he's very charismatic.

  Louis Theroux : He's sort of sexy, I think. Don't you think?

  Gloria - Ann's Secretary : Don't even go there. Don't even go there!

• [Louis is visiting Ann and her mother Rita on a Norwegian cruise ship, they're in the living room area of their cabin] 

  Rita Widdecombe : [heading towards the bedroom]  Shall I show you our cabin?

  Louis Theroux : Is that all right with Ann?

  Rita Widdecombe : Doesn't matter about Ann.

  [Louis laughs] 

  Ann Widdecombe : Yeah - No, no, no, no. No, I don't let them ever see the bedroom. They're forbidden in both houses and here.

  [Rita looks confused] 

  Louis Theroux : Surely the mother has the right to overrule the daughter?

  Ann Widdecombe : No, you're far too inquisitive, Louis Theroux. Now, you stay there while I find the spectacles.

  Rita Widdecombe : Am I allowed to go in the cabin?

  [Louis and Ann's friend laugh] 

• Louis Theroux : You're so busy and hard working I wonder if one of the reasons you never started a family is because you had so many ambitions.

  Ann Widdecombe : Well, I've always said Mr Right didn't come along and it was never a priority to go out looking for him, so it just didn't happen.

  Louis Theroux : Do you think it's too late?

  Ann Widdecombe : [sighing and laughing]  Oh, Louis... Honestly! You are hilarious.

  Louis Theroux : What? What's happened?

  Ann Widdecombe : What's too late?

  Louis Theroux : To meet Mr Right?

  Ann Widdecombe : I'm 53!

  Louis Theroux : People get married at 80.

  Ann Widdecombe : But I'm not going to.

  Louis Theroux : People are generally, I mean, people are curious, aren't they?

  Ann Widdecombe : Are they? I don't know.

• [Louis is saying goodbye to Ann and leaving her house in a taxi] 

  Louis Theroux : Do you know who that is? Ann Widdecombe.

  Taxi Driver : Who's Ann Widdecombe?