The Santa Clause 2 (2002)
Charlie: Seeing isn't believing; believing is seeing.
Lucy: Uncle Scott, are you Santa Claus?
Scott Calvin: What makes you say that?
Lucy: Because you have a reindeer.
Scott Calvin: Lots of people have reindeer.
Lucy: Name five.
Lucy: [opening the door to see Curtis] Are you an elf?
Curtis, the Experimental Elf: Why, no, of course not.
Lucy: Then why do you have pointy ears?
Curtis, the Experimental Elf: Because I didn't eat my green vegetables. Do you eat your green vegetables?
Lucy: [covers her ears] Uncle Scott!
Abby: It's... Charlie.
Scott Calvin/Santa Claus: [Obliviously] Sheen? I thought he straightened out?
Abby: Not that Charlie.
Scott Calvin/Santa Claus: My Charlie. My son Charlie? He's on the naughty list? There's gotta be a mistake.
Principal Carol Newman: Well, maybe if you spent more time with your son, there would be fewer problems.
Scott Calvin/Santa Claus: Maybe, but then I wouldn't get to spend more time with you. It's always such a pleasure.
Principal Carol Newman: Oh, a battle of wits. It's a shame that you come unarmed.
Easter Bunny: I have 33,000 offspring, all in private school.
Bernard: Don't Listen to him! He's not the real Santa! He has a rubber face and a plastic tushie!
Bernard: OK, Chet. This is it. You ready to rock and roll?
Principal Carol Newman: Chet?
Bernard: Yeah. He's still in training.
Scott Calvin/Santa Claus: How much flight time has he had?
Bernard: About a minute and a half.
Curtis, the Experimental Elf: Yeah but he's had a lotta crash time.
Scott Calvin/Santa Claus: Curtis.
Curtis, the Experimental Elf: He's just a baby.
Scott Calvin: Wait a minute, I got it. I got it. I got it. How about this: The Molintator.
Tooth Fairy: The Molinator. I like it. Thank you, Santa. Can we vote right now on The Molinator?
Scott Calvin/Santa Claus: Why didn't Bernard come tell me this?
Curtis, the Experimental Elf: He's under house arrest!
Scott Calvin/Santa Claus: [shocked] Bernard?
Scott Calvin: Neil, have you ever actually *helped* anyone?
Mother Nature: Don't mess with me, Santa. I'm pre-El Nino.
Picardo: Good morning, Principal Newman.
Principal Carol Newman: Mr. Picardo, I want you to look into my eyes. What do you see?
Picardo: It's dark... and it's cold.
Principal Carol Newman: It's your future, Mr. Picardo. Keep this up, and you will spend the rest of your life stabbing trash by the highway. Do I make myself clear?
Principal Carol Newman: So what are you gonna do?
Picardo: I'm going straight to third-period geometry.
Principal Carol Newman: Have a nice trip.
Scott Calvin/Santa Claus: Hey party animal, you wanna play?
Principal Carol Newman: [wondering how toys like Toss Across have magically appeared] I just can't figure it out.
Scott Calvin/Santa Claus: It's tic-tac-toe with beanbags.
Principal Carol Newman: No, I mean the Secret Santa thing. Someone tracked down and bought all those wonderful antique toys.
Scott Calvin/Santa Claus: Probably someone that knows his way around eBay.
Principal Carol Newman: I owe you one.
Scott Calvin/Santa Claus: It's a great party. Look. That guy moved.
Scott Calvin/Santa Claus: Hey Cupid, why don't you shoot me with one of your darts and then I'll fall in love?
Cupid: First of all, they're not darts, they're arrows. Second of all, no can do.
Scott Calvin/Santa Claus: Why not?
Cupid: Because they have no effect on us. Believe me, if they did, I would've shot myself in the butt, met a nice girl, left business years ago.
Scott Calvin: [Going on a date] A needlepoint sweater and a mini-van. I'll be back in about eight minutes.
Curtis, the Experimental Elf: Well, I think he's learning at an excellent rate!
Bernard: Oh really? This morning, he ate a bowl of wax fruit.
[talking about the new toy santa]
Bernard: So I caution you all not to point,or stare, or use the word plastic!
Curtis, the Experimental Elf: A little altitude please!
Tooth Fairy: What?
Curtis, the Experimental Elf: Could you possibly fly a *little* higher?
Tooth Fairy: What?
Curtis, the Experimental Elf: Never mind.
Chet: [after crashing into Scott/Santa] Ooh Chet done a doo doo.
Scott Calvin/Santa Claus: [Comet passes gas] Whoa! Eat some roughage, will you?
Scott Calvin/Santa Claus: [indicating a faulty toy kangaroo] Alexander, let's think. Take the hat off.
[Alexander removes hat, kangaroo hops easily]
Scott Calvin/Santa Claus: Too much counterweight.
Elf with Kangaroo: Thanks, Santa - you're the man.
Scott Calvin/Santa Claus: That's why they gave me the big belly, so I don't fall over.
Principal Carol Newman: I want you to look into my eyes. What do you see?
Skateboarding Student: It's dark... and cold.
Tracy: You know what, I totally put myself out there doing that, and that was not an easy thing to do, and if you're the kind of man that can't support a woman's ambition, then I don't think there's any reason to continue this date.
Elf Quarterback: Ready, set! Seven swans-a-swimming! Six geese-a-laying!
Curtis, the Experimental Elf: Five golden rings!
Elf Quarterback: HIKE!
[the elves are being confronted by the toy soldiers in the courtyard]
Bernard: [to elves] Snowballs on the count of three! One!
[the elves drop to their knees and make snowballs]
[elves aim their snowballs]
[Bernard and the elves throw their snowballs at the toy soldiers like crazy]