Deliver Us from Eva (2003)
Darrell: Eva's sisters gave her a cross with Jesus on it for her birthday, the next day Jesus was gone!
Ormandy: [to the deliver guy at the hair salon] I need a real man Not a child or a boy Give me a hard rock Not a soft little toy You think women are hard You thick we're evil and mean Well I think maybe you don't need us
Telly: Maybe you on the wrong team
Ormandy: So I need a real man And my standards are high Don't like what you just heard Then you need not apply
Oscar: I don't understand you. Why do you have to be so GODDAMNED UNCOMPROMISING?
Eva: It's called principle, Oscar. Maybe the world is in short supply, but I am NOT. See, people pay their tax dollars for MY PRINCIPLE so they can go into a restaurant and not eat chicken-fried RAT, or bite into a bacon, lettuce and tomaine sandwich. If I slack up on you then I have to cut EVERYONE a break. And pretty soon, the almonds on you salad have LEGS. If that makes me UNCOMPROMISING, then I wear it as a badge of honor cuz I'm in DAMN GOOD COMPANY! Martin Luther King was uncompromising, Nelson Mandela was uncompromising, and I'm sure your MOTHER was uncompromising, although the evidence of that is not apparent today. So... why don't you think of me as your Mom right now. And Momma says, "CLEAN IT UP!"
Eva: [after shocking Oscar] See you in 48 hours.
Eva: We went back to my place for a nice, respectable evening... And-then-we-burned-a-hole-in-the-floor!
Ray: I think I might love her.
Darrell: Love! You forgot the rule. Players don't feel. That's like a pimp with a health plan.
Eva: This is not about a book versus a football game fellas, oh no, this about men versus women. Women who aspire to culture, and men who aspire to scratch themselves. Women who bear the burdens in life and men who create those burdens. Women who uplift humanity, and men who uplift lap dances. If society left to the whims of men we'd still be in caves carving pictures with our non aposable thumbs. So today, gentlemen, is the day for civilized behavior. Today we women raise our voices against tyrrany, crudeness and playoff games. And that is it gentlemen, end of story THE FAT LADY SINGETH! Out of the room. By the way if any of that was lost upon you then Ive just proven my point again. hmm?
Telly: [on the phone with his girlfriend] No, you can't come by here... because I'm pretending to be gay... because in L.A., a straight male hairdresser is an unemployed male hairdresser.
Eva: How much did they pay you?
Ray: Eva, that's not...
Eva: HOW MUCH?
Ray: $5000 - but I'm giving it back to them...
Eva: [punches Ray] You are exactly the person I thought you were.
Ray: Most women have a few barriers around their heart, but Eva has an electrified fence with rabid pit bulls.
Ray: You give me your body and then you offer me your friendship?
Ray: Scared? I said I was a multi-talented guy that likes to travel. I didn't say I was scared.
Eva: If I don't leave right now I'm gonna start saying all kinds of hot, nasty, dirty things.
Eva: So why don't you think about that the next time you are toting around a pig's ass.
Ormandy: Ooh, that's a good looking man. I can't keep my legs together.
Telly: The sun rises and you can't keep your legs together.
Eva: This is what you drive when you take a woman out?
Ray: It's clean and it's free.
Ray: [pauses] I'm saving to buy a house.
Eva: [nonchalantly] If food isn't prepared right your throat could close up and you'll drown on your own vomit.
Eva: Oh what, you don't want Kareenah to make a good impression on the book club?
Kareenah: Excuse me?
Darrell: Look, we were here FIRST, Eva!
Eva: Yes! Sure but the temporal proximity of our advent isn't determitive, IS IT?
Darrell: [pauses] I'll get BACK to you on that one!
Darrell: [under his breath to Timothy] Cuz I don't know WHAT she just said.