Alan King, everybody, Alan King! The great Alan King. All right, we're here tonight to honor a great man, perhaps one of the greatest men that ever lived. Nearly fifty years ago, Hugh Hefner began building an empire with nothing more than a sex-addiction and a dream.
He's been called a visionary, a genius, a pioneer of free-speech, but when I think of Hugh Hefner, what comes to mind is rubbing my dong until it squirts. He is an inspiration to masturbation. He's the George Washington of ...