Lifelong platonic friends Zack and Miri look to solve their respective cash-flow problems by making an adult film together. As the cameras roll, however, the duo begin to sense that they may have more feelings for each other than they previously thought.
A comedy about a veteran NYPD cop whose rare baseball card is stolen. Since it's his only hope to pay for his daughter's upcoming wedding, he recruits his partner to track down the thief, a memorabilia-obsessed gangster.
Juan Carlos Hernández
Ollie Trinkie is a publicist, who has a great girlfriend, Gertrude, whom he marries and they are expecting a baby but while he is looking forward to being a father, he doesn't lighten his workload. Gertrude gives birth but dies in the process. Ollie doesn't live up to his responsibilities as a father. Eventually the strain and pressure of losing his wife and being a father gets to him and he has breakdown, which leads to his termination. So with nothing much to do he tries to be good father to his daughter, Gertie. He also meets a young woman name Maya, who likes him but he is still not over his wife. Written by
Ben Affleck and Liv Tyler previously starred in Armageddon (1998) with Bruce Willis. Director Kevin Smith also later worked with Willis on Cop Out (2010). See more »
When Gertie is in bed, she is holding her mother's photo upright. In the next shot the picture is flat on her chest. See more »
Everyone, please take your seats. You heard the bell. You know what it means. Last week, the assignment was to write an essay about your family. Who they...
And what they...
[class: "Mean to us!"]
See more »
THE DIRECTOR WOULD LIKE TO THANK: God - Who still seems to be a fan of mine. And vice versa. Jenny - The proof that God's still a fan. I love you so, so much, my muse. Scott - Love you too. You're the James Brown of film, dude. Mom - Thanks for raising me right. Harley - The original Jersey Girl. Gail and Byron - The Glue. Philbert - aka Mosier Junior. Laura - She who makes it all happen. Lehrman - An A.D. so good, he was practically the D. Vilmos - The master of light. Ben - You were flat out brilliant. George - Funny, smart, and a great actor. It's just not fair. Liv - My new favorite actress. You elevated Maya. Raquel - Kid, you're a star. Jen - Who inspired Ben to greatness and while being great herself. Root and Starr - The mid-life Jay and Silent Bob. Biggs - You've now lived down the Pie. Betty - The best teacher the kids could have. Will - I love you all the way to the moon and back down to the dirt. The Crew - The true filmmakers. Carol - For riding shotgun. Sue - For grace under pressure. Charlie - For our third act show-stopper. Jon G. - Officially Miramax, unofficially View Askew. You're the fourth Beatle, dude. Harvey - For an excellent suggestion. Phil - My deal-maker and friend. Sloss - The legal eagle. Pierson - Who keeps me honest. Mas - For support from day one. Sondheim - For "Sweeney" in both our movie and real life. The Boss - For lending us his art. Twice. Stevie, Aimee, Ben, and Pete - For flick-defining tunes. Joey, Zack, and Donald - For lots of Crystal Light, Baja Fresh chicken, and smoke runs. Carol - Who keeps me rolling in dough. Ming - The Architect. Chappy - My merch partner in crime. The City of Philadelphia - For being great hosts. The Town of Paulsboro - For the locations and the street. The Town of Highlands - For giving a fat kid a nice place to grow up. And the Tabloids - For nothing. When in Red Bank, New Jersey, visit Jay and Silent Bob's Secret Stash. When in Jay and Silent Bob's Secret Stash, Red Bank, New Jersey, purchase a ton of quality merchandise manufactured by Graphitti Designs. See more »
JLo's character dies twenty minutes into the film; too bad Affleck's doesn't
This is the worst movie of the year. This adds a new meaning and a new level to suffering that The Passion of Christ hasn't even touched on. In fact, I take it back. This is the worst movie of last year too. It's even worse than Gigli, which was like one of those terrifying nightmares you can't escape (except it was occasionally pleasant and had cameos by Christopher Walken and Al Pacino). This movie has nothing. It is the apocalypse of the art of filmmaking - an abomination of a powerful medium of self-expression. This is a testament to the ever growing lack of imagination of filmmakers (only seconded by the terrifying myriad of remakes) and a flagrant abuse of the freedom of speech. Watching Jersey Girl you want to tear at the walls of the theatre for a quick exit. And it's amazing when you walk in - this innocent lamb with little expectation of the horror that awaits you. You even laugh a little at first - a laugh occasionally shaken by slight anxiety and uneasiness. Then you realize the true nature of your laugh - it's a psychological self-defense mechanism. This movie is like the worst trip you can imagine.
Now I know some of you are probably put off by my largely emotional reaction to the film and do not want to heed my review. Well, I want to reassure you. I'm not going to just insult this movie, without explaining my purpose in a rational, orderly tone.
I'll start off by saying that I'm disappointed with Kevin Smith. I'm a fan of his light-hearted, offensive comedies and his *extremely* contrived dialogue. It amuses me. Because it is amusing. Jersey Girl, on the other hand, is slated as his most personal film, and a (deeply needed) comeback for Ben Affleck (a statement I will dispute later on in the review). Well, Kevin Smith seems to have gotten this all wrong. Whether he's selling out, or just running empty on ideas, the terms "most personal" DO NOT necessitate a dramatic story. In fact, I believe that Smith's most personal movies were his offensive comedies - his personality pervaded those. His charm made them work and his imagination created believable characters to drive them. Jersey Girl, I hope and pray, is not Smith's most personal film. The plot seems to be a stretch for Smith: it's a story about a little girl's relationship with her father (dare I use the term "performed" by Ben Affleck?) whose wife has died.
So what's wrong with that? It sounds like good old fun. Well, Jersey Girl is actually a badly-strewn collage of cinema's oldest and worst cliches. It's like an unintentional B-movie version of Rain Man where the mentally challenged character is everyone. There is not an ounce of creativity in this film - not a single original idea. The dramatic scenes are all badly done copies of scenes we've all seen a thousand times. Further: nothing drives the story. There is no real conflict - or rather, whatever conflict exists, it is not believable. Why? Because the characters who have these conflicts are not believable (though I do admit that the little girl who played the title role was very cute - she might go far), nor are the situations in which they are placed. And, by the way, these situations arise in the most contrived ways. Consider the relationship between Affleck's and Tyler's characters. It grows out of an awful joke (really terrible) followed by an act that simply would not have occurred.
Smith's universe is implausible even though it is filled with scenes that have once worked in other movies, with better stories, original ideas and better actors. Which brings me to Ben Affleck. Wow. Gigli, Paycheck, Jersey Girl. Score. A performance so infantile, one should feel kind using the term "bad imitation." Maybe I'm just being harsh, but the bottom line is: Ben Affleck is not a good actor. There are scenes in the movie where, if you watch (not too) closely, you'll see this look of extreme personal trial on his face that says: "Finish quickly so I can deliver my line before I forget it." He doesn't emote when he interacts with other characters. He reads back to them. The awful script doesn't make him look any better either.
Finally, speaking of the script, Jersey Girl is *insanely* boring (and I don't use the term lightly). One literally has to have nerves of steel sitting through the whole thing. And as if Mel Gibson didn't get us off to a good start, Smith's Jersey Girl marks another low in this lackluster year of people stealing ideas for money. Cliches are theft. And Jersey Girl is a waste of celluloid. It's a very dead corpse of a film. Watching it, you feel unclean.
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