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13 out of 18 people found the following review useful:

They...SUCK!!!!!

1/10
Author: Jester69 from Bethlehem, PA
7 January 2003

I have noticed in a lot of my reviews I have mentioned how beer may make the movie better. There is not enough beer on Earth to make this movie watchable!!! This movie just...SUCKED!! Bad acting,story,plot,effects and so on. It's not even bad in a good way and I like bad movies. I have had more entertaining dumps than this flick!!

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7 out of 9 people found the following review useful:

The worst CGI!

Author: peace63 from Valencia, Spain
8 November 2004

There is a total of one roach that ever shows up in this movie. The only scene involving a real roach is gross. The rest of this movie relies strictly on really awful gray computer graphics animated bugs. The CGI is so bad that when the bugs attack one guy in particular it looks like a gray liquid is covering him. These CGI roaches move in perfect synchronicity, and they are dark gray. Most roaches are some shade of brown. The acting is horrible too. Most of this movie has no bugs at all because it is really a Police Procedural movie with bugs. A Detective is trying to solve a homicide, and the brother of the victim of another homicide runs into the Police Detective and they decide to work together!? So most of the movie follows the typical Police Investigation format, and about every 30-45 minutes someone gets killed by the dark gray liquid which is supposed to be roaches. The big mystery regarding the bugs is solved. There is supposedly an incredible technology which is discovered to allow the control of roaches, but the two bad guys who control the roaches never show any control device or other gadget. They do not even talk to the bugs. Apparently, the bugs work on ESP. No control device is ever shown, though many references are made to the incredible amounts of technology which the student-bad-guys are using. Consider this: At one point the hero is swatting thousands of roaches with his jacket. A few seconds later, he puts the same jacket on without even looking to make sure there are no bugs on it. Characters regularly have spontaneous discussions while standing on the floor on top of thousands of man-eating bugs. By contrast, other characters are engulfed and eaten in seconds by the same bugs. It seems that sometimes the bugs run at super-speed to eat some people, but other times the dark-gray "bugs" just mill about or "walk-in-place." The very end features a very silly CGI as all the roaches stick together to form a giant roach. Of course, the Police woman shoots her gun at the dark-gray blob and nothing happens. The giant roach is killed off in another scene that was ripped off from the Terminator. There are several other scenes that were ripped off from other movies. THEY CRAWL lacks any suspense or horror.

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5 out of 6 people found the following review useful:

to rourke fans: stay away from it!

1/10
Author: alpojohn
2 May 2002

This film could easily be a comedy, unless someone is 15 years old or younger. Rourke shows up only once and for about 5 min. The man obviously doesn't take his job seriously, not anymore... The whole concept of this movie is a joke! We 've seen it again hundreds of times. And the final scene! What an idea! Thousands of programmed mutant-robot-(god knows what else)-cockroaches come together to form a giant monster cockroach!!! GIVE US PEOPLE A BREAK!

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4 out of 5 people found the following review useful:

Spot the stolen action scenes:)

Author: cujo2 from Netherlands
14 June 2004

Oke I confess, I bought this film. To my defense I can say that it was on sale in a local supermarket and the box said there were bugs, lots of them.

So when I popped in the movie I saw the whole action part of redheat with the busses ( only 1 person mentioned this while reviewing, am I that old:), the last action hero bit with the exploding house and the rush hour bit with the exploding floor. Oh yes and the exploding warehouse bit from that stinker with that guy from the matrix, forgot the title and I am too lazy to check for it, the movie isn't worth it.

on the bright side, well it does have its share of explosions. that are out of place even if you don't spot the films there ripped out of. The general setting is so cheap every B movie veteran can smell something fishy while watching it. But one can laugh about the crappy insects that ran straight out of a computer, the fact that the jeep the main character drives has a broken mirror in once scene and a fixed mirror in the other and one can giggle when seeing the uber roach at the end.

Which is by the way the only decent idea in the whole movie. As already stated the plot is not there at all, uncle Mickey just walked on the wrong set - this guy looks like utter s**t btw, what has happened to him- and the very important plot question ( how are the bugs controlled) is forgotten.

My advice, let someone else rent it ( and let someone else pay for it) fall asleep until the last few minutes and then catch the uber roach which is also crappy but shows at least a cool idea behind it.

And on a sidenote, why on earth are movie companies stock footaging the action scenes from their movies to stinkers like this? I have seen it plenty of times already and it truly shocks me to see this??

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4 out of 5 people found the following review useful:

Sad .. just sad ..

Author: Dylan (dylan1734) from Utah
25 June 2003

The only reason I rented this movie from Netflix was because a very good friend of mine worked on it. Even he said it was awful, and that he only took the job to keep his bills paid.

But my god, what a piece of absolute rubbish! Aside from the pitiful performances, a plot that made little sense, the cheapest CGI since the Atari 2400, a script with no punch, and a directorial style that lacks .. well, direction .. it's not a bad film.

How, exactly, did "Lazarus" command the cockroaches? What exactly was the point of Mickey Rourke's character? We know why Mickey Rourke was hired, he was the celebrity "draw" that's supposed to make us viewers say "Wow, it must be a great movie if it has Mickey Rourke!" And when all the cockroaches group together to become one giant cockroach .. well, yeah .. Lame.

One positive note; the actor who played Lazarus was actually a pretty good actor. Sure, he had a stupid role and ridiculous lines, but he actually pulled the part off pretty well. He reminded me a little bit of a Benicio del Toro.

If you're thinking of renting this movie, do yourself a favor and just stick an ice pick in your eye.

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5 out of 7 people found the following review useful:

They... Suck

4/10
Author: Raydio from Deloraine, Tasmania
3 September 2002

The only way I got through this movie was by watching it with my brothers, continuously adding our own humorous commentary over the dialog. There are so many "also-ran" actors in this film it began to resemble a Burgess Meredith re-union party. Oh, and what is the deal with Mickey Rourke? He appears in one scene, and leaves the viewer aghast at his silly antics. I mean, was there a point to him knocking that door off it's hinges? Surely it's a bad sign for a film when the producers rely on Mr.Rourke for his "star power" to pull in the crowds. One can only ponder what next for Mickey, perhaps a starring role in Ishtar II? About the only redeeming feature of this film, were the sporadic CG cockroach attacks, and even they left much to be desired. Avoid this film unless you enjoy boredom, or simply need evidence of how far Mickey Rourke has sunk. 4/10

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3 out of 4 people found the following review useful:

One of the worst films I've ever seen - not even Mickey can save it

1/10
Author: MovieAddict2014 from UK
10 December 2005

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I watched this on TV because the digital cable guide listed it as a film "starring Mickey Rourke." Little did I know all he had was a very brief cameo in the film, yet it was enough for them to advertise his name all over the listings. In fact it actually stars a Tom Cruise lookalike named Daniel Cosgrove who suspects little bugs (cockroaches and that sort) are planning to take over the world.

The film is shot in a gritty, blue-filtered way - like those TV cop shows (Law & Order, NYPD Blue, The Shield, etc.) but the problem is that the "reality" feel of the movie betrays its utter absurdity -- please, LITTLE BUGS ATTACKING THE WORLD?! What is this -- the 1950s?! The worst scene has to be the very ending (SPOILER AHEAD) when all the little bugs "form together" to create one giant, enormous "bug" that attempts to kill the hero. The way he "kills" it is laughable at best.

It's not worth watching - not even for Mickey.

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4 out of 6 people found the following review useful:

They crawl: you laugh

4/10
Author: MartianOctocretr5 from Redondo Beach, CA
9 June 2007

Another hokey Sci-Fi channel offering, this time the monsters on the loose are smart cockroaches that swarm around a lot. The cucarachas croak a bus driver who likes to smash his bus through office building lobbies, then somebody gets killed in a bombing. You guessed it: a government conspiracy is behind it all.

Our heroes include a Jordache Jeans commercial guy (brother of the bombing victim), and a lady cop who shoots anything she sees: roach swarms, boxes, trucks, cars, buildings, into mid-air, and occasionally even a bad guy. When Officer Ripley runs out of ammunition with one weapon, she grabs another gun and resumes firing. As for Jordache, he just sticks his nose everywhere, while bodies pile up. The cop captain is the usual skeptic who does nothing, and the head honcho nasty guy is a comical stereotype, who snarls when he talks. They even had the nerve to use the ridiculous "bad guy pauses to explain the evil plot to the good guys before shooting them" routine. The obvious poetic justice is served, of course.

But stay tuned for the grand finale. The debut of one of the most hilariously inept monster creatures ever spawned still awaits you. He was about as intimidating as a Teletubby, and the final scene had me laughing until I could hardly breathe.

A hilariously stupid movie.

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4 out of 6 people found the following review useful:

Worst Episode Ever...

10/10
Author: pkunk_rocker from K-Falls, USA
12 October 2002

This was a great movie. With the C rated actors and execellent dialog, this movie drew you into a world where killer cockroaches rull the world. Dispite the numerous use of stock footage from such movies as "Last Action Hero" and "Chain Reaction" this was a great movie to watch while drunk. All of this leading up to the final scene where the king cochroach begins his final revenge. 4 stars.

Please for the love of god be drinking while watching this masterpiece.

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2 out of 3 people found the following review useful:

"You have a good heart, I know a lot of people who'd like that heart in their icebox." Total crap.

2/10
Author: Paul Andrews (poolandrews@hotmail.com) from UK
24 May 2006

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

They Crawl starts with a runaway bus demolishing half of Los Angeles & crashing, Detective Gina O'Bannon (Tamara Davis) is on the case. Glen (Ken Lerner) the coroner does an autopsy on the bus driver (Jerry Kernion) & discovers that the driver has strange electricity burns on his body & his insides were gone. O'Bannon suspects a religious cult known as the Trillion as they sacrifice victims by electricity & remove their innards, O'Bannon banks on it being more than just a coincidence & decides to pay the cult leader Tiny Frakes (Mickey Rourke) a visit. Meanwhile Ted Gage (Daniel Cosgrove) has returned home to see his family but before he gets an opportunity to see his Brother Brian (Chase Hampton) he dies in mysterious circumstances when his flat blows up. Again, O'Bannon is on the case & once again Glen the coroner finds the same injuries to Brian as was present on the bus driver which has to be more than coincidence. O'Bannon & Ted team up, after some investigations they uncover sinister military experiments, conspiracies, lies, murder & an egotistical madman who wants to take over Earth using radio controlled killer cockroaches! For no other apparent reason that he can...

Directed by John Allerdice They Crawl is one crap sci-fi horror film that wasted 90 odd minutes of my life. The script by Curtis Joseph & David Mason is so slow it's untrue, I was bored rigid throughout. The X-Files style government/military conspiracy side of things is as dull as it sounds while the horror elements are severely lacking. Until the final 10 or so minutes there are precisely three cockroach attacks, that's three attacks in 80 minutes & one of those is right at the start. The rest of the excruciating running time is devoted to O'Bannon & Ted's investigations as they uncover the conspiracy, unfortunately They Crawl is one of those films where we, the audience that is, know that there are killer cockroaches scuttling around & it takes the main character's virtually the entire film to catch up & it becomes an absolute snooze fest waiting. It was never explained to my satisfaction how the cockroaches were controlled, something about the correct frequency is mentioned vaguely but it's never really discussed & the equipment needed never shown. Another thing I'm not happy about is the use of footage from other films, during the opening sequence a bus driver is attacked & he swerves all over the place hitting other cars & it's painfully obvious that this footage came from the Swarzenegger action film Red Heat (1988) & I kept saying to myself why the hell didn't the bus driver just pull over & stop? Because they couldn't have stolen that footage then that's why! The bit when Brians flat explodes is taken from Rush Hour (1998) & there's a bit when a house explodes lifted from another Swarzenegger film, Last Action Hero (1993). To add insult to injury these scenes are the best in the entire film! The plot is a mess, it's dull, repetitive, boring & you can see the so-called twist ending coming a mile off.

Director Allerdice does an OK job, the film is alright to look at & has a few neat special effects. The huge cockroach made out of ordinary cockroaches at the end looks pretty good but this is far too little far too late. There is no atmosphere to it, there's definitely no scares, shocks or surprises & the horror is secondary to the dull conspiracy. Forget about any blood or gore as there isn't any, there are a couple of wounds, a cockroach comes out of someones ear & that's it. Although if you are scared of cockroaches then They Crawl may make you feel a bit uneasy.

They Crawl must have had a low budget, all the decent bits are stolen from other infinitely better films. As it is it's competent at least but that's about the best thing I can say about it. The acting sucks, what on Earth is Mickey Rourke doing in crap like this?

They Crawl is one of the worst killer bug films I've ever seen, the bugs seem to be almost totally ignored in favour of dull melodramatics & X-Files style conspiracies that went out of fashion a long time ago, unfortunately no one told the hacks who made this. There is absolutely nothing by which I could recommend this total waste of celluloid, for insomniacs & masochists only.

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