The Three Muscatels (1991)

Director:

Romell Foster-Owens

Writers:

Flynn Belaine, Alexandre Dumas père (novel),

Stars:

Flynn Belaine, Cal Wilson, Reynaldo Rey

Cast

Credited cast:
Flynn Belaine	...	Donna / Dorian (as Flynn Belaine Pryor)
Cal Wilson	...	Victor Langford
Reynaldo Rey	...	King Alberto Nacho
Joe Torry	...	Andre Squire
Roy Fegan	...	Puablo the Traitor
Richard Pryor	...	Narrator / Wino / Bartender
Ron Goss	...	Squeeky Lopsider
Rest of cast listed alphabetically:
Todd C. Burnette	...	Spanish Bandit
Nicole Hodges Persley	...	Bean Dip Dancer (as Nikol Hodges)

Storyline

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Plot Keywords:

based on novel

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Genres:

Comedy

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Details

Country:

USA

Language:

English

Company Credits

User Reviews

Have I ever seen a worse film than this?

It's the kind of movie that, after just ten minutes, you know for sure that every second further you watch will be a complete waste of your life. The Three Muscatels would be decent but for:

• Truly awful acting



• Depressing attempts at one-liner jokes



• Unbelievably appalling cinematography that would offend a braindead

runt-of-litter baboon with no eyes or limbs

• More production gaffes than you can keep track of



• A non-existent storyline claiming to be based on a piece of classic

literature (clearly nobody involved with this film has ever read it)

• Miserable French, Spanish and English accents



• You actually cannot understand a word any of the characters says,

partly because of the terrible, terrible accents; but mostly due to the sound quality which is so dire it makes one question just what equipment (if any) has been used

• I am still coming to terms with the knowledge that The Three

Muscatels was made in 1991, it cannot be true

Even the presence of Richard Pryor (who is mildly amusing in his cameo as a drunken bum) cannot save this movie. For all the above reasons, the viewer struggles to understand what is going on - there is a scene in the 17th century King of Spain's court, where a bunch of girls dressed in cringeworthy 1980s apparel appear out of nowhere and start dancing to a cringeworthy 1980s synth beat, with strobe lights flashing. What?

I don't know how many grams of magic mushrooms one would have to ingest to understand this 'film', but it would be more than I am willing to chance.