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Home on the Range (2004) Poster

Quotes

Rico: Lord of mercy. Is this the end of Rico?

Piggy: Gee, you're the biggest cow I've ever saw!

Maggie: Well, if you're in charge, I'll take that as a compliment.

Piggy: Uh...

Maggie: If not, I guess I'm just gonna have to sit on you.

Piggy: Mom!

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Maggie: Yeah, they're real, quit staring!

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Willie Brother #1: Maybe they jus' didn't like yer singin'?

Alameda Slim: [anger steadily rising] My "singin'"? Birds *sing.* Saloon girls *sing.* Little bitty snot nosed children *sing.* I yodel, and yodelin'... is an *art!*

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Mrs. Calloway: It's Buck.

Maggie: Stallion of the Cim-MORON.

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Maggie: [to Buck] Well, if it isn't the Phony Express.

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Grace: [singing badly off key] She'll be coming 'round the mountain she'll be coming 'round the mountain, she'll be coming 'round the mountain when she comes...

Maggie: She'd better hurry up around that mountain, 'cause I can't take this much longer.

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Maggie: I got it! Why don't we go nab that Alameda Slim and use the reward money to save the farm?

Mrs. Calloway: Oh, that *is* a sensible idea.

Maggie: I knew you'd love it!

Mrs. Calloway: Don't they have sarcasm where you come from?

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Maggie: Hey, thanks, everybody! It's great to be here in Patch o' Heaven! Now don't everybody speak at one time!

[silence]

Maggie: What is this, the frozen food section?

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Grace: [to a bull] Let me guess, you're a Taurus?

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Mrs. Calloway: Step lightly, girls! The male of the species can be extremely hostile.

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Alameda Slim: Call me crazy, but I think these cows got it in for me!

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Jeb: Well, I think we all know what happens now!

Mrs. Calloway: Jeb, don't start!

Jeb: Now we all get eaten!

Mrs. Calloway: Jeb!

Audrey: But who would eat a chicken?

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Buck: Hey! Jump back, kiss myself!

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Maggie: Last one to the barn sleeps standing up!

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Maggie: You go, cow girl.

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Buck: Say, girls... got milk?

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Audrey: You wanna get nuts? Let's get nuts!

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Mrs. Calloway: Maggie, may I be frank?

Maggie: Only if you let me wear the hat.

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Grace: Now, let's not play the shame and blame game. This is an organic problem, and there's a holistic solution.

Jeb: You don't get this whole farm concept, do you, sister?

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Buck: It's hero time.

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Alameda Slim: It ain't over 'til the fat man sings!

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Buck: Rusty! Rico's saddle! I'm wearing Rico's saddle! I'm wearing Rico's saddle!

Rusty, the Dog: Great, I'll leave you two alone.

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Grace: Maggie is some fun, isn't she?

Mrs. Calloway: [scoffing] Teaching pigs to throw food. As if they weren't sloppy enough.

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Grace: What kind of sheriff's office was that?

Mrs. Calloway: Saloon girls? Gambling? How does he ever get any work done?

Maggie: If that's the sheriff's office, this town rocks!

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Alameda Slim: Okay, boys, let's go over this one more time. Who am I?

Willie Brother #1: Uncle Slim?

Alameda Slim: Correct! Now, I put on this hat, and then I put on these spectacles...

Willie Brother #1: Ahh! Who are you?

Willie Brother #2: What have you done with Uncle Slim?

Alameda Slim: Arrgghh! It's still me! Can't you dumb sack of hammers get it right?

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Maggie: It's payback time! Cover me!

Grace: With what?

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Alameda Slim: Um, Gil? Am I correct in assuming that each and every time we brought a herd back to this secret lair, you've managed to sit in the exact same spot, blocking that choice piece of property from my view?

Willie Brother #1: Yeah? This is my comfy place.

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Wesley: I gave up clown college for this?

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Buck: So long, sucker! He must be taking stupid lessons from that buffalo.

[Junior the buffalo snorts down Buck's neck]

Buck: Uh-oh.

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Alameda Slim: And judging from the notches on the ears, I'd say this is the last of Big Mike Donald's herd.

Willie Brother #1: Big Mike Donald had a farm?

The Willie Brothers: Ee-ai, ee-ai...

[Slim hits the Willies]

The Willie Brothers: [groaning] Ohhhh.

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Lucky Jack: Folks used to call me Lucky Jack. They came from miles around just to get a look at my lucky rabbit's foot.

[Notices his peg-leg is on fire]

Lucky Jack: Dagnabit!

[puts out fire]

Lucky Jack: Happens all the time.

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Maggie: [to Piggy] Here, have an apple, kid. Don't go near any luaus, though.

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Maggie: Cattle drive. Told ya. You both owe me a dollar.

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Barry & Bob, the Longhorns: Don't worry, darlin'. I'll protect you.

Mrs. Calloway: You've got exactly 2 seconds to remove your hoof before I snap it off at the knee.

Barry & Bob, the Longhorns: Oh, sorry ma'am, I thought you were the blonde...

[Mrs. Calloway smacks him off-screen]

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Maggie: [to Mrs. Calloway] We'd better get to the town quickly. The vultures are circling.

Maggie: [to vultures about Grace's singing] Hey, she's not dying!

Vulture: You sure? We could wait around!

Maggie: We'll keep you posted!

Vulture: [to other vulture] Sorry Clem. False alarm!

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Buck: You think you got the drop on me? Well, think again!

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Lucky Jack: Ha! Bovine bounty hunters! Now I've seen everything.

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Maggie: All right, what part of "cover me" didn't we understand?

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Maggie: Look, we don't eat meat. It's kind a professional courtesy.

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Grace: [on Buck] Definitely bi-polar.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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