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2DTV (TV Series 2001– ) Poster

(2001– )

Quotes

George W. Bush: I'm wonder woman. I'll deflect bullets with my arm bands. Shoot me general.

General: Don't tempt me Mr. President.

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[it is a last supper scene with members of the Labour Party]

Prime Minister Tony Blair: And I say after you, my loyal people, I have lead my life, you know a man peace.

John Prescott: apart for all those wars.

Prime Minister Tony Blair: Yeah, well obviousry. Although I am persecuted, I am confident history will show me as the saviour of mankind.

David Blunkett: By the time Alistair Campbell's finished re-writing it.

Prime Minister Tony Blair: Yeah alright, what I did was at the bidding of a higher authoray.

[Cut to heaven, where we see George W. Bush as God]

President George W Bush: Hey look at me. I'm Santa Claus. HOO-HOO-HOO

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Prime Minister Tony Blair: But on this night, one of you will betray me for thirty peaces of silver.

Gordon Brown: That's rubbish Tony. I got forty. Anyway shall we eat?

Prime Minister Tony Blair: I have orderd five loaves of fishes, enough to feed the five thousand...

[We hear a belch, and see John Prescott with a fish bone sticking out of his mouth]

John Prescott: Well it was a nice starter.

[clutches stomach]

John Prescott: Feels like a second coming. Gang way!

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Sven: [about Wayne Rooney] He is young. He is learning.

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General: Schwarzenegger.

George W. Bush: Shoreenagore.

General: No, Schwarzenegger.

George W. Bush: Mr. Shcwanangor.

General: (sighs)

[Arnold Schwarzenegger enters]

General: Mr President, Governer Schwarzenegger.

Arnold Schwarzenegger: Hey, check it out

[pats Bush's head]

Arnold Schwarzenegger: I'm patting Bush.

George W. Bush: Mr Schwalanalananger.

Arnold Schwarzenegger: Hey, now I'm stroking Bush.

[both snigger]

General: May God have mercy on us all.

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[it is far into the future]

Tony Blair: Uh, so guys, any signs of the weapons of mass destruction yet?

[awkward pause]

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[repeated line]

Arnold Schwarzenegger: Just a little bit of harmless fun.

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George W. Bush: My daddy started the gulf war. I continued it. And now, my son, George Junior Junior will finish it. In about forty years time.

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President George W Bush: General, call off the hunt for Bin Laden.

General: I thought we already had.

President George W Bush: I'm going to find him myself

[ducks under his desk and reveales his Incredible outfit]

President George W Bush: with my incredible super hero powers, look i'm invisable where have I gone HEE! HEE!

General: Sir, I think you need help.

President George W Bush: You're right, meet Mr. Incredible

Arnold Schwarzenegger: Uhh... This costume is so incredibly tight! You can see my rinckle.

President George W Bush: No we can't!

Prime Minister Tony Blair: Ahh ha... And I'm you know Elastar Blair, I'll bend over backwards for you George

[bends backwards and breaks his back]

Prime Minister Tony Blair: Ahh... me back!

Arnold Schwarzenegger: No I think it's... I'll be back!

President George W Bush: So 1

[points to himself]

President George W Bush: , 2

[points to Arnie]

President George W Bush: and 3

[points to Blair]

President George W Bush: , we just need a fourth.

Arnold Schwarzenegger: Yeah the speedy one!

Osama Bin Laden: [Digs into the White house] BWAHA!

[pauses]

Osama Bin Laden: Hang on, this isn't Hawaii

[realises he's in the White house and screams and then runs]

President George W Bush: Hey he's fast lets use him!

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[in the future, Arnie is president]

General: How do you take your coffee sir?

Arnold Schwarzenegger: Milk and two steroids.

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[Tony Blair is playing "Tony Says" with the Cabinet]

Tony Blair: Oh, I'm bored of this game. I'm resigning, take over Gordon!

Gordon Brown: Oh, right, absolutely!

[to Cabinet]

Gordon Brown: Look here...

Tony Blair: I didn't say "Tony says" Gordon.

Gordon Brown: Oh...

[cries]

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Simon Cowell: You want the truth, you have all the charisma of a three eye worm.

Three eyed worm: Thankyou.

Simon Cowell: Next!

[R2-D2 Comes on stage]

Simon Cowell: Hold it that tune is going apsolutly no where

R2-D2: [subtitles] But I haven't started yet!

Simon Cowell: Next!

Dalek: [singing] Away up the stairs there's a place I can reach.

Nicki Chapman: I found it nice and you looked nice and everything was just nice.

Dalek: Thankyou Nicki!

Doctor Who: I hated it, but then I am your swan enemy

Simon Cowell: I have just 4 words to say to you. EX-TER-MIN-ATE!

Alien: [Dalek starts crying] Oh come on mate, I thought you were great I thought they were very harsh like.

Alien: HA! HA! What a stupid great forehead you have!

Pete Waterman: My money's on the young lad from the planet earth.

Will Young: [singing] You never walk Alone!

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Gollum: [Gollum wakes up after celebrating Lord of the rings had won the oscars] Oh Sméagol head is hurting. Bad Sméagol drank to much at oscar's party. NO! What Sméagol get up to last night

[screams as he discovers Michael Jackson is in his bed]

Michael Jackson: OW! You're bad!

Gollum: Hidease creature in Sméagol beds. No Sméagol never drink vodka cherry again. NO!

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Announcer: Michael Jackson's parenting tips #43.

Michael Jackson: It's important to encourage your children to take their first steps.

Michael Jackson: [cuts to a scene with Jackson hanging over a balcony, reaching out for something] Come to Daddy, Prince Michael the Second.

Prince Michael the Second: Whoo, help

Michael Jackson: I don't see any moonwalking

[Baby starts to moonwalk towards Jackson]

Michael Jackson: That's my boy, and I've got the receipt to prove it! OW!

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Anthony McPartlin: Oh look out, here comes Jordan!

Declan Donnelly: Hey, the rest of her should be with us in half an hour.

Katie Jordan: Oye! That's not fair

Anthony McPartlin: [In the year 2050 A.D] Oh look out... Here comes Jordan!

Declan Donnelly: I, the rest of her should be with us in half an hour.

Katie Jordan: Yeah... That is fair actually.

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Announcer: The ITV news at 10 with Ant and Dec.

Anthony McPartlin: ITV denies accusations of dumbing down.

Anthony McPartlin: Bongo-roony!

Anthony McPartlin: Ant receives surprise slap on head... eh?

Declan Donnelly: [Dec slaps Ant on the head] Slapa-rooney!

Anthony McPartlin: And former news caster evicted by phone vote.

Trevor McDonald: [Trevor McDonald is in an alleyway] News just in, I'm hungary and homeless!

Declan Donnelly: Tramper-rooney!

Anthony McPartlin: And now the weather.

Declan Donnelly: And now the weather.

Siân Lloyd: Hello, and here's tomorrow's weather. Well, it's going to be nice and sunny... if you phone this number. Or if you like cloudy conditions with a stiff north-easterly breeze... ring this number. Or if you prefer relentless drizzly rain... move to Wales, goodnight.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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