Counter-terrorist Jack Quinn misses his target, Stavros, on the eve of his final mission. From there, he is sent to "The Colony", a rebirth for presumed-dead assassins. He breaks free from ... See full summary »
Jean-Claude Van Damme,
Jack Conrad is awaiting the death penalty in a corrupt Central American prison. He is "purchased" by a wealthy television producer and taken to a desolate island where he must fight to the death against nine other condemned killers from all corners of the world, with freedom going to the sole survivor.
Casey Ryback hops on a Colorado to LA train to start a vacation with his niece. Early into the trip, terrorists board the train and use it as a mobile HQ to hijack a top secret destructive US satellite.
On an out of control train holding hostages and high-tech bio-weapons agent Kristoff (Van Damme) becomes a one man army to derail the terrorists and save the lives of everyone on board! Written by
Waleed F. Telbany <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Forced to conceal his real job from his family, international agent Jacques Kristoff tells them he is taking a train journey with a banking client where really he is escorting the beautiful Galina Konstantin and a biological weapons package to safety across the border. Regardless, his family surprise him on the train, thinking it will be a nice gesture and end up thinking he is having an affair. Before he can apologise and explain, terrorists led by the ruthless Mason Cole seize the train and start hunting for Galina and the virus. With his family in danger and the virus released on board, Jacques must not only stop the terrorists but do so before the Governent take the only available option to stop an outbreak.
Ten years or so is quite a long time. About ten years ago I had just moved to England for the first time and started studying. Since then I've been married, divorced, bought a house, got several jobs and owned one very knackered car. But the mid-nineties must seem even longer ago for Van Damme because then he was having hits like Universal Soldier and Time Cop whereas by 2002 he had sunk to appearing in rubbish like this not that he was ever a great star but this film is below even him. The plot is a basic rip off of Under Siege 2 crossed with Cassandra Crossing with any sense of fun, excitement or involvement skilfully removed by writers who between them are responsible for other classics include Octopus, Octopus 2: River of Fear (both Davidson) and Crocodile and Crocodile 2: Death Roll (both Anderson). It doesn't help that the man chosen to pull it all together as director is the man who made Shark Attack with lots of stock footage and no thrills.
The plot is messy and pointless people apparently die then return with no explanation, the action lacks logic and the whole virus thing is just daft. With this type of film this stuff usually can be forgotten if the action is slick and the film is fun to watch; Under Siege 2 is a good example it is rubbish but I quite enjoyed it so I forgave it. However the action here is poor with basic, uninspiring fights and no real tension; when I saw Van Damme jumping around the train on a motorbike I felt like just turning it off in disgust. The supporting "actors" dying one the train did nothing to make me care one way or the other and the whole thing just felt cheap. The effects make this worse, being as they are a mix of rubbish computer effects or rubbish model work or a rubbish combination of both.
The writing is clunky and full of dialogue that if even a horse spoke it your surprise at a speaking horse would come secondary to the annoyance you feel towards the unconvincing nature of his words. Already hamstrung by this the cast can do nothing to improve the situation; although many of the cast appear perfectly at home at this level. It speaks volumes that Van Damme is actually one of the best performances in the film; he is mean and tough in style just a shame the action and dialogue are so poor that he can't do anything with it. The rest of the cast are so-so support. We have the tough baddie in a humourless and dour Arana, a sexy female co-star in Harring (who does fill the sexy requirement well), loads of European rent-a-thugs and a train load of hammy dying people including Gibney, Bowman, Van Varenberg (who can kick and can't act, hmmm) and the hilariously named Binky van Bilderbeek, who must have had a lot of fun in his fancy English school as a child.
Overall this shambles is loaded with clichés, bad dialogue, bad direction, cheap effects and bad performances. Fun, excitement, humour, thrills and entertainment all got off at the last stop and nothing of value got on in its place. Even Van Damme fans will be turned off by this rubbish and it is only Steven Seagal fans that should be happy because it at least shows what an entertaining film Under Siege 2 really was.
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